Well you were lucky we were there to save your ass. Again.
All I'm saying is I really thought I could seduce that owlbear. you get a
You'll get 'em next time.
Hey, anyone here?
Welcome to the Minotaurium Emporium...
Where our prices are... Amazing.
Welcome travelers. What brings you here?
- I need some new boots. - I need a new earring.
Yeah and I need a new string.
The one on my lute snapped.
Oh I wonder which one that is.
Oh "gee", I guess we'll never know.
Well, if you are in the market for the exceptionally rare and wondrous, you've come to the right place.
We have many treasures here at the Minotaurium Emporium.
That's what the last shopkeeper said.
And the one before them. And the one before them.
Yet all they had were E strings.
Is there anything shiny on the counter?
- There are some gemstones. - So I just uh... *looting intensifies*
- Did-- Did you just...? - Yep.
Oh shopping sessions are so boring! Can we skip to the fighting already?
You've got 1HP. At least drink a health potion or something before you start another fight.
Fine. Does he have any health potions?
No. But he does have this.
Might I interest you in a genuine one-of-a-kind...
Rock of Gravity Detection.
"What does it do?" I hear you ask.
Well simply hold it out in front of you and let it go.
And if it falls there's gravity.
So it's just a normal rock?
Well if you don't understand the gravity of the situation...
Perhaps I can interest you in this:
The rare Ring of Invisibility
You can't see it but trust me. It's there.
Oh no *dink* *dink* *dink* *dink*
Oh you lost it! Now I'll never find it.
I can tell you're no amateur treasure hunter.
But I do have one more thing...
Introducing the Armor of Plot.
If ever you find yourself in a dire situation the gods themselves will intervene.
Deus Ex Machina yourself out of any predicament.
- It's all junk! - Does he have anything useful?
No... But he does have these:
You with the ridiculous hair.
May I interest you in a Leak-Resistant Cloak?
*Leek sounds.*
It's leek-resistant not leek-proof.
How about a Glove of Empathy?
I sense you are... Uncomfortable.
You've heard of a Bag of Holding right?
Well this bag has no straps. You'll have to hold it.
It doesn't hold much. Blame the patriarchy.
And that? That's troll urine.
We'll take the lot!
And how, may I ask, are you going to pay for all this?
- I'll give you one gold. - You're joking right?
Normally these things would cost about 100 gold but just for you?
200.
Counter-offer.
Fireball!
We've been to every story in town and I still can't find any damn boots.
And I guess I'll never get that string fixed.
"Gee," which one was that one again?
Oh, that Mr Minotaurium. He's always playing with those magical trinkets.
So, you beat up these complete strangers, drag their bodies into a dark alleyway, steal their clothes, and...
Somehow not one person in this very crowded city notices.
*No high five for Antonio.*
Evandra! That Rock of Gravity Detection from before?
Eh, falls from the sky. Hits you on the head. No big deal. Just does...
One bludgeoning damage.
Welcome to the Minotaurium Emporium. We have many things for sale.
Like a Thumb of Generalised Approval.
And if you want: the Bell of Magical Notifications.
Perhaps I can tempt you with the 1 For All Pin of Improved Fashion.
Merely affix to your favorite garments to gain a +1 in style and ability to gain friends.
For the rarest, most exquisite goods, consider visiting our Patreon.
Please join us and we can afford more like a Stick of Second Amendment,
And a... D'ah!
Hawk of Tom-- You know what? **** it. I don't care.
I've done this so many times-- ****ing smoke and ****. I can't work like this.
****ing-- I'm done.
Oh no! Oh no!!!
You killed him!
You killed him!!!
We've had a casualty!