Casting can make or break a show, and that's particularly true when it's based on a popular
book series.
When it comes to the beloved Game of Thrones on HBO, many of the characters don't quite
match what's written in George R.R. Martin's books — in fact, in a few circumstances,
they don't match at all.
Here's how the cast of Game of Thrones should really look…
Yara Greyjoy
The producers of Game of Thrones changed Asha Greyjoy's name to Yara on the show — maybe
to avoid confusion with Osha, the Wildling.
But her name isn't all that's been changed.
The novel says she's got "black hair cut short, and that "her nose was too big and too sharp
for her thin face, but her smile made up for it."
Yara doesn't do much smiling on the show, of course.
But then, with a brother like Theon, you wouldn't smile either.
Speaking of...
Theon Greyjoy
After he was tortured as the prisoner of Ramsay Bolton, Theon Greyjoy emerged from his ordeal
mostly unscathed — well, except for his dangly bits.
"Next time you think about naked girls, will you feel an itch?"
But in the books, Theon was apparently treated much more harshly, with him getting a gaunt,
skeletal appearance as a result.
The trauma of his captivity also turned his hair white, making him look practically like
an old man.
Of course, Theon was probably not so concerned about his hair by the time he escaped Ramsay.
Ramsay Bolton
On the show, Ramsay is a really ugly person — but mostly because of his heinous acts.
Like the aforementioned torture and weiner-cutting of Theon Greyjoy, or when he kills his own
daddy:
But in the books?
Martin wrote him as a real uggo.
He wrote: "He remained an ugly man, big-boned and slope-shouldered, with a fleshiness to
him that suggested that in later life he would run to fat.
His skin was pink and blotchy, his nose broad, his mouth small, his hair long and dark and
dry.
His lips were wide and meaty, but the thing men noticed first about him were his eyes.
[...] small, close-set, queerly pale.
[...] his eyes were all but colorless, like two chips of dirty ice."
Ol' Dirty Ice Eyes, that's what we'll call him!
And does anyone else think that shaggy haircut kinda makes him look like Glenn Danzig?
Brienne of Tarth
Part of Brienne's tragedy is how much she wants to fall in love and be loved, but she
knows she's painfully awkward and ugly by Westerosi standards.
Of course, because this is television, the showrunners cast the beautiful and statuesque
Gwendoline Christie for the part, so she'll never actually be the homely buttkicker described
in the books.
Meanwhile, throughout the course of the novels, Brienne has run-ins with enemies that leave
her even more damaged, like when she got her teeth knocked out.
Martin wrote that Brienne's hair was "a squirrel's nest of dirty straw" and that her "eyes were
large and very blue."
Meanwhile, her "features were broad and coarse, her teeth prominent and crooked, her mouth
too wide, her lips so plump they seemed swollen.
A thousand freckles speckled her cheeks and brow, and her nose had been broken more than
once."
Sandor 'The Hound' Clegane
HBO's makeup artists did a great job creating the mass of scars and twisted flesh that cover
one side of Sandor Clegane's face.
It's pretty much perfect...except for one little thing.
They got the wrong side of his face.
The book says that "the left side of his face was a ruin.
His ear had been burned away; there was nothing but a hole.
[...] Down by his jaw, you could see a hint of bone where the flesh had been seared away."
Aside from the ear and the bony jaw situation, the Hound looks pretty incredible.
But it makes you wonder what made them flip sides like that.
Maybe actor Rory McCann just doesn't like that side of his face?
"Yarp"
Daario Naharis
It's not too hard to figure out why the show's producers mixed things up for their take on
Daario Naharis.
That's because Daario should've looked less like a badass warrior, and more like a reject
from The Hunger Games.
The novels described Daario as "flamboyant, with a beard that "was cut into three prongs
and dyed blue, the same color as his eyes and the curly hair that fell to his collar.
His pointed mustachios were painted gold."
No wonder Daenerys fell for the ol' gold-mustachioed charmer.
He probably picked up his style tips from the legendary Mystery: The Pickup Artist.
"Meeting Mystery was almost like love at first site.
With his cowboy hat and his medallion necklace.
I was like 'This guy's smokin balls tonight.'"
Tyrion Lannister
Peter Dinklage is just about perfect as Tyrion Lannister, better known as the Imp.
But there's just one problem...and at this point, you can probably guess what it is.
That's right: he's just not ugly enough.
Noticing a trend here?
The books describe him as having "squashed-in" face.
Then, after the events of the Battle of the Blackwater, he lost about half of his nose.
And finally, he has different-colored eyes.
So...yeah.
Jorah Mormont
Don't look so surprised...but Ser Jorah in the books is not quite as handsome as the
showrunners would have us believe.
Our favorite friend-zoned knight is more attractive and also more lightly built on the Game of
Thrones television series than his book-version counterpart.
Once again, Martin plainly states that this character isn't going to win any beauty contests:
"Ser Jorah was not a handsome man.
He had a neck and shoulders like a bull, and coarse black hair covered his arms and chest
so thickly that there was none left for his head."
Yeesh.
Kinda looks like a medieval version of, like, Clint Howard.
Or Bob Balaban.
Or even Wallace Shawn!
He'd make a good Jorah, right?
"Inconceivable!"
Yeah...you're probably right.
Never mind.
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