Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
New science says dating long distance might make a better
relationship.
Hey distance daters, welcome to "D News."
Trace here with the science lowdown
on the dreaded long distance relationship, or LDR.
Three million Americans are part of an LDR.
25% to 50% of college students are currently in one right now.
Of the non-college group, reasons
could be military deployment, work preferences
or requirements, internet dating, and even immigration
and visa delays.
The internet helps us feel closer,
even when we're far apart.
So long distance relationships are growing in popularity.
Technology like text messaging, instant messaging,
video chat, they all help us feel a sense of inclusion
and intimacy that we wouldn't have
been able to get only 10 or 15 years ago.
The research from 2010 says romance
does kind of require face to face interaction.
Newer research, that's saying the opposite.
A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
says, those in long distance relationships
might actually be better at dating.
Researchers recruited people in close by and long distance
relationships, who filled out a series of questionnaires
tackling their intimacy, their commitment,
their communication, psychological distress,
and sexual satisfaction, or lack thereof.
Those in an LDR also indicated how often
they got to see each other.
Though both groups were doing well,
the LDR couples were better functioning couples,
reporting higher levels of satisfaction, intimacy,
and communication.
The close by couples win in the area of getting laid more.
Basically, LDR couples have to replace
their physical closeness with emotional closeness.
While the close by couples were overlooking
some of their problems, the long distance couples,
they were forced to sort them out.
A piece in Pacific Magazine puts it this way.
"Long distance couples are arguably better
at discussing sex, and those who live nearby
actually have more sex."
A separate study this year in the Journal of Communication
tipped the scales even farther toward long distance couples,
indicating that they form even deeper bonds
than their nearby neighbors because of all
of that sharing, something those of us who
are very familiar with the long distance thing,
as my friends call it, know very well,
because you're just always talking,
you're just talking and talking, and there's more talking
and some talking and talking.
In the end, all this communication
leads to a greater sense of mental intimacy, which
is great, if lonely.
Psychotherapist and author, Rachel Sussman,
points out the loneliness factor isn't really considered much
in this research, but it can be really stressful for people,
which is a good point.
Also, they don't really consider the jealousy factor.
If you're a jealous person with a high level of FOMO,
things could go sour, fast.
"Lifehacker" has a couple of helpful tips
to make LDR last, like make date nights, where
you video chat, eat dinner, watch
a movie, text things like "wish you were here"
to alleviate jealousy.
And when you talk, be present.
Non-verbal cues are really important.
Most importantly, have an end date.
If there is no end to the tunnel,
then there's no light to look forward to.
What if some of the most famous relationships were LDRs?
I wonder how like Mary Todd Lincoln
would have tolerated Abe's a brutal honesty?
The word "independence" may have no A's in it.
The declaration may have no holes.
But when you look at the people who signed it,
there are a lot of a-holes.
That guy just does not hold back.
Anyway, be sure to check out brutally honest Abe for more
of his delightful truth bombs.
And tell us your thoughts about the long distance
thing in the comments area below.
And as always, subscribe for more "D News" every day.
Thanks for watching.