[Please keep these CC clean] [Go to English (Canada) for funny extras]
RENJI: Ichigo "Stupid Orange Hair" Kurosaki, this is where you prove your worth.
ICHIGO: I beat you once, Renji.
This time will be no different.
RENJI: Oh, yeah? Well, Rukia's up in that tower!
ICHIGO: Not for long.
RENJI: So go save her!
ICHIGO: Get out of my way, Renj--!
...Wait... What?
...Wait... wait, wait...
...Wait, what?!
RENJI: I want you to go save her. She's my childhood friend.
I have this guardian-complex-sorta-thing goin' on.
ICHIGO: Ha! You love Rukia!
RENJI: SHUT UP!
ICHIGO: Priceless.
RENJI: Now kick my ass! We've gotta make this convincing!
ICHIGO: If you insist, You-Love-Rukia!
[Both grunt until 0:44]
RENJI: HURT ME!
ICHIGO: Ge-tsu-GAAA...!
TENSH--!
Oh, hold on a second...
I still don't know that name yet.
Sword...!
SLASH!
RENJI: HUGGGHH--!
M'HUHG!
Thank... you...
ICHIGO: Anytime, bro. Let's do it again sometime.
[♫ Masakazu Morita - "Just Bleach" ♫]
AIZEN: '...And then, threaten Hitsugaya and make him look sooo stupid, and...'
MOMO [muffled]: Josh Groban, are you in there?
AIZEN: Yes, I'm not evil and home.
MOMO: I was outside and I saw you walking home and I noticed you dropped your shoe
and I thought I should return it to you, because reasons.
AIZEN: Reapers don't wear shoes.
MOMO: I'm tired! Can I sleep with you, Josh Groban?
AIZEN: Yes. But only because Gin is definitely the bad guy.
MOMO: Where's your bed?
AIZEN: We're Japanese, Momo.
The whooole floor is our bed!
MOMO: YAAAAAY!
AIZEN: 'Once all the captains are fighting, then you must murder Momo Hinamori...'
'...then we take advantage of the confusion aaand then punch Ichigo--'
MOMO: I love you, Josh Groban...
AIZEN: Have an album, Momo.
KENPACHI: Why are there so many dead ends?
YACHIRU: They're called "Cuddle Nooks"! Squad 4 built them for emergency cuddles!
KENPACHI: They're STUPID!
YACHIRU: Like Squad 4.
KENPACHI: This whole place is STUPID!
[muffled] All I want is to find the STUPID people in this STUPID place and fight a stupid FIGHT!!
And then these STUPID nooks are stupid, STUPID, STUPIIIIIIIIID!!
ICHIGO: Heyyyy...
Everything okay over there?
KENPACHI [m]: NOOOO, IT'S NOT!
Ugh, yeah man, sorry! It's been a rough day...
ICHIGO: S'aight. We all have them.
KENPACHI: I just want to fight people sooo badly!
ICHIGO: You'll find them. You know what they say:
What you're looking for is somewhere else.
KENPACHI [m]: You don't understand...
If I don't fight, I'll DIE!
ICHIGO: What? KENPACHI [m]: If I don't fight, I die!
KENPACHI [m]: If I don't fight, I die!
It's a serious medical condition! It's called "Sannin-itus".
ICHIGO: ...Good luck, man. I'm off to the Repentance Cell.
KENPACHI [m]: That's where the guy I'm LOOKING for is going!
ICHIGO: That's probably a coincidence...!
KENPACHI: Strange that you're headed there... siiiiince...
["Ready to Die" by Andrew W.K starts playing]
ICHIGO: ...Is that music?
...Are you playing music?
KENPACHI [m]: Time to fill my prescription...
They call it "Therapeutic Ass-Whoopin'"!
Hehehehehe...
Oh, just my luck. I got the WEAK one!
Aren't there others with you?
ICHIGO: Sent them away off-screen...
KENPACHI: You do that a lot?
ICHIGO: More often than we should.
TATSUFUSA: Halt, invader! The time has come to face the wrath of my people!
I shall now call upon the ultimate power of them: The Good Luck Bear and the Great God Malsumis...
Responsible for such things as bees in cheeseca--
MMMPH!
WHOOAA...!
CHAD: Stop making fun of my people. It is not funny!
KYŌRAKU: You sent him to the moooooon-hnn...
CHAD: I'm sorry - but please move, or I will be forced to
BLOW UP YOUR FAMILY!
...Ignore that.
KYŌRAKU: Nah, thanks, I had lunch already.
CHAD: Look, you should really--
[Skype call SFX]
...Sorry. I've got to take this.
KYŌRAKU: Who is it?
CHAD: It is exactly who you think it is.
KEIGO: Turn the screen around, Chad.
Ya'll ain't got nothing on the motherfuckin'...
CHAAAAD
CHAAAADSUUUU
CHAAAADSUUUUMIIIIISS!
CHAD: Your praise fills me with joy.
KEIGO: Chad's so out of this world, NASA made him sign a peace treaty!
CHAD: PREPARE TO DIIIIE!!
KYŌRAKU: I love baseball.
Youuuu're out!
CHAD: Sorry!
Forgive me!
KYŌRAKU: This is so much fun, Chadbukis...!
Badoop! CHAD: Gahhh-wa!
CHAD: Gahhh-wa!
[Various pain noises]
Really?
[More pain noises]
Okay... that's it...
You've made me mildly unhappy!
Never before have I been so not-passive!
Recieve the anger of my people!
UGGH!!
KYŌRAKU: That was the best fight since forever, Badmublis!
You're the greatest guy I've met this afternoon.
ICHIGO: Why can't I cut you?
KENPACHI: I exude such amazing Spiritual Pressure, that my Spiritual Pressure pressures my sword to be released permanently!
You can't cut my fun, son!
ICHIGO: A captain who doesn't even have his Shikai?
KENPACHI: I'm a non-union captain.
ICHIGO: Is that what I sound like?! That's really stupid!
KENPACHI: (Laughing)
ICHIGO: What even are you?
KENPACHI: Some say my mother was a train.
Some say I'm a rejected Godzilla monster too strong for the series canon.
But everyone says:
I'M THE KEEEEEEEEEEEN
I'M THE KEEEEEEEEEEENPACHIIII!
ICHIGO: HUAAAAAA...!
Left a mark. Hahaha.
How do you like them apples?
WHAT?! GOD FREAKIN-- ...WHAT?!
WHAT?!
GOD FREAKING--?!
KENPACHI: This is boring now.
[Stab] ICHIGO: Oh my God. You killed me...
ICHIGO: Oh my God. You killed me...
(Labored breathing)
KENPACHI: Well kid, thanks for the kicks.
I should have a few hours before my Sannin-itus flares up again.
ICHIGO: 'God damn it... is this... it?'
'I've come too far... to just die in a pool of my own stupid blood!'
'Is this where I'm going to stay... just laying here forever?'
'Nooo... I've got to win. I've got to get up, stab him in the neck...'
'and...!'
'...Z--Zangetsu...'
ZANGETSU: Your final test... begiiins...
It's gonna be great.
AIZEN: This is gonna be the best; the look on her face is going to be classic.
"Hey, Momo. I'm over at that tall singular tower. Would you like to come over and have a date with me?"
"I promise I'm not dead."
MOMO: (Screams of excitement)
I'm here, Josh Groban!
(Screams of terror)
KIRA: Momo, what is it?
MOMO [crying]: Josh Groban is dead!
KIRA: Which one? This Josh, or this Groban?
MOMO [c]: That Josh Groban...!
KIRA: Oh my God!
MOMO [c]: He was so young...!
Too young...!
RANGIKU: This world has one less angel. I loved him.
GIN: Oh no, how unfortunate.
It sure would be terrible if somebody were to blame this on me.
Mmm~
TŌSHIRŌ: Gin, it must have been you! You killed Josh Groban!
GIN: This Josh Groban? Or this Josh Groban?
TŌSHIRŌ: Was that an album?
GIN: Don't worry about it. Mmm~