You want to know what the
by the end of this video
you're going to know what they are
so that you’re be able to spot them
and repel them
as the words are coming out of their mouth.
So stay tuned.
Hey, I'm Rebecca Zung. I'm an attorney,
I’m an author and
I'm a narcissist negotiation expert
and I help you spot, avoid, get out of
and negotiate with narcissists
in any capacity, and any part of your life
and if you want to be able to have those skills
and be the most persuasive person
in any room that you walk into,
make sure you subscribe to my channel
and hit that notification bell.
So let's talk about the six things narcissists say
to try to get you back,
So they do often, even
when you're finally going no contact
and you're finally moving on
and you're finally walking forward
and your eyes are staying forward.
They're going to try to get you back
and sometimes it's called hoovering
and sometimes it's just them
trying to get you back
it really doesn't matter what the terminology is.
It's them trying to get you back into their web.
It's them trying to
get that source of supply back
they want to keep
as many forms of supply as they possibly can
so even if they're moving on to
another form of supply,
they still want to keep the one that they had in you
so one of the things that they say to try to get you back is they play on your heartstrings
So they'll say
I'm nothing without you
and they love to say things like that
when they're hoovering
or even love-bombing or whatever
because it really plays on your heartstrings,
like “oh they really finally appreciate me”
“he or she is finally coming to the light”,
they're seeing the value,
they're seeing all the things I did for them
and this is like one of the most wicked
and evil things that they say, honestly
because they don't think that
I mean, in some ways they do
it's kind of a paradox with narcissists
because they are extremely controlling
but they're also very codependent
and they do need you
and so, in some ways
maybe they do feel like
they're nothing without you,
but that's one of the things that they say
“I'm nothing without you”
it's really just to play on your heartstrings
and to get you back into their web of control
so #2 is “I’ve changed”
and they want you to feel like
they have seen the light
that there's been this epiphany
that now, they see how they've treated you
and they're never going to ever do that again
because they're a new person,
it's the new version of them
this is the new person who
is going to be doing things for you
who's going to see your value
who's going to do all the things that
you've been asking them to do in the first place
so it's the new version of them
they've changed.
So that's number two
Number three is,
I'll do anything you want me to.
So now's the time
that they're finally going to go to therapy
if that's what you wanted them to do,
now's the time that they're going to go
and be with your family
if that's what you wanted them to do,
if it's a business situation, now they're going to start taking up the slack
and taking care of the things that they were
supposed to be doing in the first place but weren't,
it's almost like,
okay, I'll do anything to keep you
and you know,
they're really great at future faking,
which is another video that I have
which you might want to check out
and they're also big, fat liars
you know that there are manipulative
and they're liars
they lie about everything,
even things they don't even need to lie about
even things that are readily verifiable.
So, you can't believe what's coming out of their mouths
and if you know that, they’re big, fat liars,
give me a “LIAR” in the comments right now,
so that you will remember that
that's what they are.
Okay, so number four is,
“things will be different”
this is kind of part of the
whole future faking thing too
you know, “I've changed”,
I'll do anything you want me to
things will be different. Going forward,
it's not going to look like it was, you will see.
I will be the person. So it's all part of that future faking.
So, that's something else that they say
and the next one, number five is
why can't we just be friends?
that is not what they want,
what they want is what they want
they want you to be a full-on source of supply and they want to be able to control you
and if you just say okay we can be friends that's like their opening to go:
aha. See, they are still a good source of supply,
they do still want to be with me,
there's that opening, that door
and once that happens,
you know they have no boundaries
so they're going to keep sliding in.
I think of it as like the camel under the the tent.
There's a great story about the
camel nose under the tent,
which I think it’s perfect for narcissists
at least that’s my experience
there's the story about this guy who's out in the desert
and he's Bedouin Chic or whatever he is
and he is,
with his camel and he stops for the night and he's in the tent and the camel sticks,
his nose under the tent and he's like,
oh please sir, it’s
so cold out here and
can I just have my nose under the tent?
I won't be a bother.
You will barely notice me
So, I'm just going to have my nose
under the tent, and the guy goes “okay”,
so the next thing is
the camel puts his entire head under the tent.
Oh, come on, you know, can I just have my head?
you have so much room in here
I'm not taking up any space,
I'll just put my head under the tent,
and as you can imagine, how the story goes,
the camel ends up all the way in the tent
the camel’s basically, in his bed and he can't get him out, and kind of like that,
So even if they say, oh, I just want to be friends,
it's sort of like that nose under the tent
edge their way back into making you miserable.
So that's number five. So be aware of that one
and the last one is
any meaningless,
open door to conversation,
just like a DM in your inbox
and your Instagram all of a sudden.
Hey, or something like that.
How are you? Or whatever
It's maybe even nothing. Maybe it's just “I like donuts” or something like that.
They're just, you know, a random meaningless kind of chat or text or something.
It’ll just appear either on your phone
or somewhere and you are like,
what is this?
and it's just like,
it's like a little hook, like they're fishing.
They just send the hook out
and they see if you're going to bite on it
and just to get you to respond,
They're testing you. They're testing the waters.
They're testing to see if there's still a source of supply out there for them in you.
So don't take the bait, just ignore,
delete, block, whatever you have to do because
once they're back in, the madness is back.
So don't go there. Don't take the bait
and now, you know what, six of the things are that narcissists say to try to get you back,
if you're still trying to negotiate with a narcissist,
make sure to grab my
free crush my negotiation prep worksheet,
at winmynegotiation.com
and come join my free, private support group.
It's narcissist negotiators with Rebecca's Zung
on Facebook.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment, tell me that they're Liars or tell me something else that you've seen that
they try to say to try to get people back.
I'd love to see that in the comments as well,
and if you haven't subscribed to my channel, now is a great time to do that.
Subscribe, hit the notification bell
and remember,
today is a great day to
start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.