Tired of getting random boners and people can see them?
Well you might be happy to hear that a team of fashion
designers in Washington, DC, are making it possible for guys
to be able to conceal their embarrassment.
This is likely because all of us men are afraid of our junk.
That's why we make fun of penises so much.
We know they're ugly, and want to hide them.
How it works is every pair of the bloxers,
as they're calling them, contains a deflector shield
that covers the crotch and conceals
the inconvenient erection.
For those of you watching this that don't have man parts
might wonder, why don't guys just not get an erection?
Well, it ain't that easy.
A lot of erections aren't actually caused
by sexual work-up.
They can be caused by rapidly changing levels of hormone
testosterone in your body, or in layman's terms,
you becoming a man, you idiot.
And they've taken it even further
by preparing the underwear for men who, uh,
have a left-curving penis or a right-curving penis,
which is probably the first product to ever do so.
But none of this technology is on the market yet,
but of course they have an Indiegogo campaign
where they're attempting to raise $20,000.
People can't make anything today without an Indiegogo
or a Kickstarter.
Without those websites, we wouldn't have anything,
like that Zach Braff movie I haven't seen yet
but I kind of want to.
And they're still trying to send porn people into space.
They're also planning on donating 25% of the proceeds
to prostate cancer research.
It's incredible.
But in this world of capitalism and competition,
I'd like to present a competitor to this product-- William
Haynes's sexy shield.
With the sexy shield, you don't have
to worry about getting a boner anymore.
You can't see anything.
Just use your favorite brand of tape, and put them on.
Remember to adjust the level to limp mode
to keep yourself limpy and fresh.
Well guess what, it also works for annoying co-workers who
never shut the hell up.
You never buy me food.
No effect.
We also make them for women, too.
I'm pregnant with your child.
No effect.
So what do you guys think about all this?
Good invention?
Stupid invention?
Another attempt of the male species
to monetize on the gripping dysfunctions of our genitalia?
Let me know in the comments down below.
I'm William Haynes.
Also, did you know that our website ForHumanPeoples
has been revamped?
You can get yourself a cool tank top because it's summertime.
I know you're hot.
I know your friends are hot.
Go get them some stuff.
[GUNSHOTS]
Give me the drive, Reyna.
Those awesome new apparel design belong to the people.
Never.
[EXPLOSION]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I once let out a long, nervous fart
when I kissed my crush in high school.
Ah!
No.
It's so gross.