G'day,
you mob. How's it going?
Welcome to this episode of Aussie English.
Today I have a treat for you.
So, today I am going to be sharing with you 10 different
jokes from the past expression episode.
So, I had a few requests about putting these together into a single episode.
So, I've taken a bunch of these jokes just so that you can listen to them again and
hopefully practise your English, your humour, maybe even your cultural
understanding of Australian humour whilst also learning about puns and word
jokes in English. Anyway, let's get into it.
And it is a dad joke because it is about dad jokes.
Okay, so here's the joke.
Please don't hate me. When does a joke become a dad
joke? When the punch line becomes
apparent. I probably mispronounced that.
I probably should have said, when the punch line becomes apparent.
Ruined my own joke. I'm not even going to edit that out.
All right. So, the joke here is with the phrase "a parent".
"A parent".
And the word, it's a pun between that phrase and the word "apparent"
, meaning obvious, evident.
Right. So, when does a joke become a dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
Why did the wombat decide to cross over the road?
Why did the wombat decide to cross the road, huh?
You guys are going to hate me. You're going to hate me.
Are you ready?
To see his flatmate
. Horrible. All right, do you get it?
His flat mate.
And I think the intonation will give away, which one of those I mean, right.
If I were to say, he's crossing the road to see his flat mate, he's
seeing his mate who is flat.
And the insinuation here, the reference is to the fact that this wombat's mate has been
hit by a car and flattened on the road.
His flat mate.
Whereas if I was using the word flatmate, that is someone who shares
a flat or apartment with you.
Someone who lives in the same house as you, their flatmate.
All right. So, there's the joke.
Why did the wombat decide to cross the road?
To see his flat mate
. How can you go without sleep for seven days and not be tired?
How can you go without sleep for seven days and not be tired
? Sleep at night.
Did you get it? Seven days.
Seven days, that's the part of the day, ironically, where the
sun is up. So, this was always something I remember being in primary school and having
this argument with one of my teachers and being like, nah, the days when the sun's up, the
night is when the sun's down.
And he- I remember my teacher saying, well, how many hours are there in a day?
And we all said, well, duh, 24 hours.
And he's like, which part of that's night?
I was like, Oh touché.
Well done. You got me.
You got me. Checkmate. Anyway.
How can you go without sleep for seven days and not be tired?
You sleep at night.
Here's the joke. Hold your laughter, okay, just wait.
Hold your horses, hold your laughter, it's going to be hilarious.
What did the sharks say after eating the clown fish?
Right. So, a shark is a type of fish.
They tend to- They're not bony fish, right.
They have cartilage instead of bones and they have usually a lot of teeth and
cause a lot of strife for surfers, quite often in Australia.
Clownfish are the kind of fish that live around anemones.
Those little fish that are often, I think most of the time, orange and white
stripes. They're funny looking, right.
Because they're clownfish.
Nemo. Nemo was a clownfish.
So, the joke.
What did the shark say after eating the clownfish?
Hmmm. That tasted a little funny.
Well, let me get this straight. You think that killing those guys is funny?
I do. And I'm tired of pretending it's not
. Right. Clown fish.
Clowns are funny, like, haha funny.
They're hilarious.
But you can say funny in this sense when you want to talk about smells
or it's usually senses.
The way something smells, the way something tastes, the way it feels, the way it looks, the
way it's- What sense have I forgotten to mention?
Feels?
If it's funny, it's a little strange.
It's weird. It's not as expected.
That's a bit funny. That's a bit weird.
That's a bit strange.
But it's not like funny, haha that was really funny.
So, there you go. What did the shark say after eating the clown fish?
That tasted a little funny.
What will people say when they are able to handle Pandemic's
properly in the future?
All right, so this is obviously a pandemic joke.
I think you're going to like the punch line.
So, again, the joke is, what will people say when they are able to handle pandemics
properly in the future?
You ready? Hindsight is 20/20.
Forget it. So, this is an expression in and of itself,
right. Hindsight is 20/20 means that after something has occurred, when you look back on
that thing, you've got 20/20 vision, as in you can see very clearly.
So, you can see that real- That thing really clearly and know how
things were going to turn out.
Right. So, it's easy to comment on things that have happened in the past, as if you always knew
that that was going to be the result.
That was how it was going to happen, like, say, the Trump election in 2016.
You know, all these people after Trump was elected, you know, only just against Hillary Clinton
in 2016, said, yeah, I knew he was going to be president.
It was always a certain thing.
And you're like, yeah, hindsight's 20/20.
It's easy to say that after the things occurred.
Okay, so obviously tying this in with the COVID pandemic that is currently still going
around the world and being a big issue.
What will people say when they are able to handle pandemics properly in the
future? Hindsight is 20/20.
20/20 refers to vision of being able to see well, but it is also obviously this
year with COVID.
Dad jokes, really bad jokes.
What's delicious and goes, meow?
And goes meow?
A bis-cat.
Do you get it?
The pun here is on the word, "biscuit".
A biscuit. Right.
A bis-cat is obviously a biscuit that is a cat or something.
It's not a real word in English, but the joke here is that a delicious thing that goes meow
would be a bis-cat.
A biscuit. And for bonus points, who can tell me in the comments below
before I say it, what the Aussie term, the Aussie slang term for a cookie or
a biscuit is?
Wonder if you guys know, a bikkie.
A bikkie.
Why should you never date an apostrophe?
An apostrophe is that little mark that is at the top of letters.
So, I guess you would use it for contractions of like is onto it, right.
"It's". "It is".
That is an apostrophe. A comma is the one at the bottom.
A comma, right. So, the joke, why should you never date an apostrophe
? You ready?
Because they can be possessive.
Right. I'll explain it.
So, we use an apostrophe in English to show possession.
"'s", right.
That's, "Pete's dog".
That is, "Kel's daughter".
That is, I don't know, "Jeff's best friend".
Ironically, we don't use it with the word, "it".
And if it is, "its" possessive, there's no apostrophe.
If it is, the contraction of "it is" there is an apostrophe.
I don't know why that's the case.
And this is something- This is the bane of all young English speakers
existences when they are at high school, probably primary school as well.
It is always misspelling "its" and "it is".
Anyway, "possessive", if someone can be possessive, it is that they don't want you
to be with other people, to talk to other people.
They are very controlling of you.
Maybe they're very jealous.
So, if you date someone who is very possessive, they may not like you going out on your own, you
know, seeing friends without them, or they may want you home all the time or under their
control. Right.
They are possessive kind of person, like they own you, they want to control you.
So, that's the joke.
An apostrophe can be possessive.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
No. What is it?
I can't tell you because you will spread it.
You get it? Because you'll spread it.
Alright. So, the joke there is obviously with the word "spread" something.
This is a pun.
It's a word joke. It's a play on words, where obviously butter is that
fatty substance, I believe, made from cows' milk that you can spread on
bread. And then if you're an Aussie like me, maybe put Vegemite or jam on top of
that butter.
But if you spread information or spread a joke, for
example, it is that you tell many people.
Right. So, it's kind of like that joke of, when people say, I'd have to kill
you if I told you. Right.
So, how did you get so rich, Pete?
I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
It's that kind of thing of like, I can't tell you because you'll tell everyone.
Right. So, that's the joke here.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
No. What is it?
What's the joke? I can't tell you because you'll spread it
and then I'll have to kill you.
What kind of apple isn't an apple?
A pineapple.
It's horrible. I know Horrible, right.
But a pineapple, I don't- I wonder, I should have looked this up.
I'm not sure, you guys probably know.
Is a pineapple technically a fruit?
Or is it a herb?
Like a banana is technically a herb.
It's not a fruit. And say a tomato isn't a vegetable, it's actually a fruit.
But is a pineapple a fruit?
Is it the stem of a plant?
But it's definitely not an apple.
But yeah. So, that's the joke, guys.
What kind of apple isn't an apple?
A pineapple.
Alright, so why did the lemon stop rolling down the hill?
Why did the lemon stop rolling down the hill?
Because it ran out of juice.
Because
it ran out of juice. Do you get it?
Oh, God. Dad jokes, dad jokes.
Alright. So, the idea here is that the word "juice" can
be the sweet liquid that you get out of
something like a lemon, right.
Usually fruit. So, you'd get lemon juice.
You get orange juice.
You get- What's another juice?
Pineapple juice, passion fruit juice, grapefruit juice, you know, apple juice.
There's heaps of different juices.
But we can also use juice to mean energy.
This is kind of informal English.
This is sort of slang. So, if someone has a lot of juice, they have a lot of energy, right.
They're full of energy.
If they don't have any juice, or they've run out of juice.
They no longer have any energy.
And we can kind of tie it in to also electricity.
Right. So, if my- If I had a battery in my phone, obviously I've
got a battery in my phone.
The battery runs out, my phone is out of juice.
It's got no more juice, it's out of juice.
There's no juice left in the battery.
There's no juice left in the phone.
It's out of power. It's out of energy.
Okay, so that's the joke.
Why did the lemon stop rolling down the hill?
Because he ran out of juice.
Oh, my
God.