[Music] grief like all emotions isn't just in your head it shows up in your body in remarkable
ways but most people have never been taught what is common in the grieving process and how grief
does show up in your body and this can leave some people feeling stuck spiraling through
endless grief and pain when you learn how grief shows up in your body you can be more equipped to
address it and work through the process of grief and loss in this video we're going to learn from
grief expert Dr Dorothy Hollinger she's the author of the anatomy of grief we're going to learn about
how grief shows up in the body and what we can do to work through it now I recently recorded an
interview with Dorothy about how grief impacts the body but unfortunately some of the video files got
corrupted so I'm summarizing our conversation here the full-length interview is on my podcast [Music]
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[Music] okay so first let's talk about how grief shows up in the brain when you first
hear of an intense loss your brain essentially perceives it as a threat to your survival and the
amygdala triggers the stress response also known as the fight flight freeze response
loss is an intense stress people may fight they may scream yell or get furious that someone is
gone they may flee they may run away deny the loss or avoid talking or thinking about it or
they may freeze they may faint or go numb mute or just shut down completely this initial response is
acute but it eventually resolves okay second now let's talk about how grief affects the heart organ
grief can stun the heart and result in broken heart syndrome the intense emotions and the
adrenaline from the stress response can cause the heart to physically swell and
take an abnormal shape the heartbeat speeds up and this can cause physical strain on the
heart now for most people going through grief their heart can handle it but for people over
65 there's a 21 times greater chance of a heart attack the day after the loss of a spouse some
of you may have heard that after the horrible tragedy at the olivaldi school the husband of
one of the teachers who was killed there her husband also died from a heart attack this may
have been caused by broken heart syndrome now this this was a really tragic situation but for
most people these physical changes in the heart they reverse after the acute grief period has
passed now as a side note it's also interesting to me that intense happiness can also enlarge the
heart but it's a different part of the heart okay now let's talk about crying for a moment before
we discuss other physical changes during grief so how do tears play into the grief process are
they healing it's really common for people to cry to scream to sob as part of the grieving process
even other animals like elephants seem to shed tears when they're experiencing grief there are
three chemically different types of Tears basal tears which are the regular moistening tears that
happen throughout the day there's reflex tears which happen when there's an irritant like when
you cut an onion and there's emotional tears they actually contain protein-based stress hormones one
of which is leucine and cephalin and it's related to endorphins and it's a natural painkiller so the
biochemical composition of Tears is actually healthy and healing on a physical level
okay so what are some of the other ways that grief impacts the body
number four is decreased pleasure the physical senses like taste touch sight are no longer
enjoyable food may seem tasteless and and this and the stress response can lead to number five which
is loss of appetite and difficulty eating so the stress response slows digestion and diverts energy
to survival responses and it's very common for the bereaved to lose weight and to struggle to eat
after a loss for other people the stress response can lead to overeating and weight gain number six
another common symptom is difficulty sleeping and insomnia number seven the stress of grief can also
temporarily weaken the immune system and it's not uncommon to get sick after a loss but also around
anniversaries of the loss it's like the body is asking the bereaved to address their loss
headaches and other body aches are also common after loss and just in general when grief is
overwhelming or the Survivor is unable to face or process grief sometimes that emotional pain shows
up in somatic changes in changes in the body and this tends to be most common when survivors are
suppressing their feelings when they're masking them or attempting to avoid or distract themselves
from the pain they may feel numb or disconnected from their body Dr Hollinger shares the story of
a woman whose baby died and afterward she lost her sense of hearing voices sounded muted and
indecipherable and she couldn't hear any sounds normally but doctors couldn't find anything wrong
with her ears Dr Hollinger continues in her book she says she didn't hear fully for as
long as she couldn't accept the death of her baby when she was able to admit that her baby
had died her hearing returned as as she put it when her hearing came back her grieving began
the bereaved mother had to detach herself from all sounds because she couldn't bear not to hear
the sounds of her baby not being able to hear at full capacity was the path that Mrs M sorrow
took through her body now sometimes survivors don't feel like they're allowed to mourn because
they aren't the primary person like a parent or a spouse or their culture or their status
doesn't allow them to show grief but suppressing feelings just doesn't work in the long run so
the grief May emerge as a physical symptom which can also be a distraction from the emotional pain
but when grief is processed when loss is addressed and acknowledged and accommodated the brain can
gradually make space for the new reality grief can become less intense or rather our ability
to move forward grows our ability to feel those feelings and continue on with life strengthens
so what do we do about these changes I'm not going to pretend that grief is some easy thing
that can or should be fixed but there are some things that you can do to help your heart and
body work through the suffering and these include exercise making sleep a priority a
good nutrition and especially social contact be around people don't stop doing enriching
and pleasurable activities even if they don't feel good over time you'll be able to enjoy them again
okay I'm really grateful for Dr Hollinger for taking the time to share this information with
me I hope you found it helpful thank you for watching and take
and take don't be afraid of what you're feeling don't let your griefs scare you heal it allow
yourself to feel that grief and in feeling it know that it will come down it won't go
away but it will calm down and when they let in that Joy coincide with grief and also be changed
changed into Joy with the memories of the loved one [Music]
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