(stately classical music)
- Yes, Christina, I'm so excited
to be following my dream here in the big city.
Tracey Tooley, respected history reporter.
But my first assignment's so difficult.
I have to get to know the real Henry VIII.
The man behind the myths.
The king behind the preconceptions, the monarch--
(Christina jabbering)
- Yeah, you get it.
Anyway, what's new?
(Christina jabbering)
- Yeah, oh my god, did you see her Instastory?
(Christina jabbering)
- It's like she thinks she's on "Love Ocean."
Everyone's trying to be perfect
and impress their friends, like...
That's it!
Maybe Henry VIII was trying to be Instaperfect!
Let's investigate!
Oh, soz, Christina, I'll call you back.
(upbeat music)
This is Tracey Tooley, competent, strong,
and not stressed out about this report.
Like the best social media influencers,
Henry VIII knew how to make himself look good to others.
For starters, look where we are!
(dramatic music)
Hampton Court Palace was one of the king's biggest
and most stylish show homes.
But I need to go deeper to find out how
this impressive palace really works.
(sniffs) That smells delicious.
- Okay, Hampton Court Palace, it's lunch time!
Now go, go, go!
- I'm in the kitchens of Hampton Court Palace with a cook!
- All right, sunshine, if this meaty Mr. Pig
isn't ready in two minutes, I'm gonna put you on a spit
and roast you until your skin crackles, okay?
And then I'm gonna stitch you to a chicken
and make our roast specialty cockentrice, capisce?
- Well, cook, this looks like a fun place to work.
I suppose you gotta keep up high standards for the King?
- The King?
The King doesn't eat his food from here, lassie.
He's got his own special cook and kitchen.
Oh, no, we're here to serve the King's court.
All the servants, and the hangers-on,
and the right royal randomers.
- Well, pressure's off then!
- We serve 400 people twice a day!
- I stand corrected.
That's why your kitchens are so big.
- Big? (laughs)
We take up a third of the palace's
whole ground space, pally.
We've got these big fireplaces and these big hatches
where we lay out all the platters
so they can be taken up by the servants to the Great Hall.
Service!
Oh, still asleep are we? (man snoring)
- Well, do all the servants just sleep where they work?
- The low ranking ones like him do, yeah.
But not at lunch time!
Now wake up you absolute--
(dramatic music)
- So that was food, what about drink?
(gentle music)
Beneath Hampton Court Palace is this impressive wine cellar.
- Who goes there?
Are you guzzling the royal wine?
This wine is extremely exclusive to the king
and his friends, it's not for commoners.
- I hardly ever drink while I'm working, mate.
Who are you?
- Oh, good policy.
I'm Richard Hill, the Sergeant of the Cellar.
- Sergeant of the Cellar, the booze boss?
There must be a never-ending supply of wine down here.
- Oh, no, we run out of everything.
When the King's court descends on the palace,
they only stay for about four weeks
before everything's gone.
The wine's gone, the beer's gone, even the animals,
they're slaughtered for food.
They even, my favorites like Mr. Pig.
And then the sewage!
400 people, straight into the river.
- Crikey.
Where does everyone go after four weeks?
- Oh, onto the next palace to do the whole thing again.
- So that's how Henry manages to keep impressing his guests.
- Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take this
French wine to the King.
- Ooh, can I come with?
- Uh, no, the King is not, um,
not receiving guests at this time.
- Oh, really?
Did you find it so easy to lie to Mr. Pig?
(record scratches)
- I told you that in confidence.
How dare you say his name!
(upbeat classical music)
- I'm in the grandest dining room
of Hampton Court Palace, the Great Hall.
But Henry didn't eat here.
He had an even more exclusive VIP area.
Henry would eat in a smaller, beautiful room
a bit like this one.
Wait a second.
Who's this?
- Mamma mia!
I am sorry, I didn't think anybody else was here.
- You're Sebastian Giustinian,
the ambassador to England from Venice!
Were you trying on Henry VIII's clothes?
- Uh, to be honest, yes!
Hit it!
(upbeat music)
Henry is the best-dressed sovereign in the world.
That is a quote from one of my letters.
Look at this beautiful Tudor gown with a doublet
and hose and these stylish slashed sleeve.
The sleeves show off how much material you can afford.
And also, they are ripped, so it looks like
you ripped them in a manly battle, fantastico!
Then below the knee, Henry wore stockings
held up by garters.
These are very figure-hugging because it is very important
to show a man's sexiness with his calves.
Favoloso!
(record scratches) - What?
In Tudor England, men's calves are considered sexy?
- Si, but don't interrupt, huh?
Henry spent 16,000 ducats on his wardrobe.
It would take me, as an ambassador,
20 years to make 16,000 ducats.
So I am supreme-o jealous-o of Henry.
Bam!
- King Henry was very conscious of his public image.
In his early years, he had this portrait painted
which showed just his upper half and face
looking off to the side as if he's thinking or praying.
This painting implies Henry is a wise, God-fearing man.
But look at this portrait from years later!
(dramatic music)
Henry has changed his profile pic.
A towering, full-body portrait,
the King stares down at the viewer,
his eyes following you round the room.
Like Alexa, if she had eyes.
So King Henry was a masterful showman
and spared no expense on food, wine, grand buildings,
and stylish clothes to impress his friends.
In the world of Tudor social media,
he'd have got thousands of me-thinks-I-liketh-this-muchly
- [Woman] Oh, I liketh it!
- [Man] I liketh it!
- But do you think this tells us everything about him?
How would you feel going to one of Henry's banquets
and facing the King in person?
This is Tracey Tooley, spinning true news from Tudor dudes.
Oh, okay, Henry.
Just one quick selfie.
This is going on Insta.
(camera clicks)
(upbeat music)