By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly
what not to do and what to do,
so, stay tuned.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, I’m a narcissist negotiation expert and
on this channel, and in these videos,
I tell you exactly what you should do,
what you should not do,
real resources, real tips and tricks
so that you can actually shift the dynamic and
be on the offensive instead of the defensive
when you are dealing with a narcissist,
whether it's in your personal life, or your business life,
wherever it is that you are dealing with a narcissist
or any type kind type of toxic personality.
So wherever you are, if that is you,
then, feel free to hit that subscribe button,
hit that notification bell and stick around
so that you are going to be the first one to find out
when I upload brand new videos.
Let's talk about what you should do, what you should not do
when it comes to negotiating with narcissists,
whether it's in the boardroom, whether it's in your living room,
wherever it is.
If it's a custody matter, whether it's a business partner,
whoever it is, a contract...
If you're dealing with a toxic personality,
whether they've actually been diagnosed as a narcissist,
it doesn't really matter, they say 1 in 10 people,
are either narcissistic or have narcissistic traits or tendencies.
Who cares if they've actually been diagnosed, right?
I mean, maybe they're just a jackass,
but your experience of them is actually the same, is it not?
So let's first talk about what you should do,
what you should definitely do.
You should be writing down
every time you have an interaction with this person,
you should be keeping a journal,
whether it's notes in your phone, whatever it it is,
but in my S.L.A.Y program, I do have a program,
I do have exactly what you should be documenting and how,
and all of those things.
But for sure, if you're interacting with them, keep a record of it and
as much as you can, do all your interacting in writing,
whether it's email, whether it's text,
as much as you can
try to keep your communication in some form of writing.
So, as much as you can, keep track of it,
I have won entire cases on people's journals,
so for sure, document as much as you can.
So, that's one thing you should definitely be doing.
So, you had a conversation, write it down real time,
keep a journal, keep a log.
All right. So, that's number one.
You are starting to let them know that
there's a new game in town,
that it ain't going to be the way it used to be.
They have conditioned you,
this relationship was set up in a certain way
whether it's a business relationship, a personal relationship, or family,
I've had to deal with a narcissist in our family,
my husband and I have one in our extended family
that we've had to deal with and
we've had to create a pretty strong boundary,
it's not an easy situation,
it's not an easy thing to do,
but, they're not necessarily going to change,
that's one of those things that you definitely need to remember,
I call it one of the F words,
forget about thinking you're going to have closure,
forget about thinking that you're going to get them
to see the error of their ways
or thinking that they're going to change,
because they're probably not.
So, what can you do?
You're not going to do anything on their side of the equation,
so you can only help yourself here to create boundaries for yourself.
If you come to any agreements, put them and record them in writing,
even if it's something that you came to orally,
then you memorialize it through a text message or email,
“Today we had an understanding, this was our understanding,
follow it up with a confirmatory email or confirmatory text”.
As much as possible, don't have those
like meetings at Starbucks or whatever,
don't fall in prey to the “We can just meet up at Starbucks”
That's their way of “I'm going to do my magic on you and
try to get you to do what I want you to do”.
So, don't do that. I’m kind of getting into the don'ts,
but just saying, make sure that if you do have agreements,
Record them in writing!
All right, so that's the next one.
A lawyer who understands narcissism.
In my S.LA.Y program, I do teach you how to do that.
Most lawyers, 99% of lawyers, don't understand narcissism.
So you really do have to kind of help guide them,
which is something I teach you how to do,
but I do help you also find one that maybe can work with you and
you do want a strong one who's going to be willing to have your back,
that you do have a rapport with.
All you empaths out there, I see you and
I see you saying, “I don't want to fight,
I'll just give them what they want and I'll just walk away”
“Leverage sounds like fighting, and I don't want to fight”,
I hear you and I see you,
I also see you saying things like,
“Well, I'll just give them this, they'll see how nice I am and
then that will make them feel like
they want to do something nice for me”;
all those things that are coming out of your mouth,
That's a bunch of crap.
I'm just telling you right now, they don't see those things.
If you're dealing with a narcissist on the other side,
you need to have leverage.
That is only way that you will motivate and squeeze them
into feeling any sort of potential motivation to want to settle with you.
For a number of reasons,
which I explained in many of my other videos,
but for sure, you definitely need leverage and
you will definitely need that in order to get the case settled.
So, very, very certain that you will need this,
very, very tactical part your case for sure.
They're going to be less likely to act like a jackass,
when video testimony is there,
instead of just a regular testimony, okay?
I do talk about this kind of thing more
in my video on “How to prepare for court”.
So, definitely check out my video on that
especially when you are preparing for court
when you are dealing with a narcissist on the other side.
So, I have a whole video on that, definitely check that out.
Things not to do when you are negotiating with a narcissist on the other side and
by the way, if you are definitely going to do all the things I just said to do,
Alright, so things not to do.
Because your own sake, your own health, your own sanity,
plus your reconditioning them and
now they think they're getting away with it,
you're giving them narcissistic supply,
all the things I'm just telling you,
when you're negotiating, this is a war,
they have a mission, it's take you down,
their mission is not necessarily to win, by the way,
I mean, they also get narcissistic supply out of
seeing you squirm and intimidating you, don't forget that.
Okay, so don't allow them to cross your boundaries.
That's why the cases never end.
So, that's why they constantly move goal posts,
I have a whole video on that,
“Why narcissist move goalposts and negotiations”,
which you can check out that video too if you'd like.
If you want to go scream and cry and yell later, fine,
but when you're in the game, when you're there with them,
when they're seeing you, you are not emotional.
You are absolutely calm, cool and collected,
they do not trigger you.
Really, really practice that, do not allow them,
that gives them narcissistic supply,
that's what they want,
then they know they have you, do not get emotional.
This is a whole “Art of War” and
once you create that leverage,
the timing of when you present it and how you present it,
is absolutely critical, it's all part of your strategy,
super, super important, that's part of S.L.A.Y,
strategy, leverage, anticipating and focusing on you,
really, really critical. So, that's really important.
Because remember,
the narcissist is actually more afraid of you, than you are of them,
that's a fact.
They're always the worst right before they're ready to give up,
that's also a fact,
they will give up, you can win,
I've helped many, many people do it.
So, don't give in, don't give up.
If you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist or with anyone,
please make sure to grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
It is totally free, it's a 15 pages e-book,
many people have won their entire negotiations on it,
at winmynegotiation.com.
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“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
So, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am so happy you're here.
Remember today is always a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will definitely see you in the next video!