- Ah, Dave.
- Oh Collin, there you are buddy.
Hey, I've been trying to call you.
- Oh Collin, you got a missed call from Dave.
- Okay, thank you.
- No worries. - Yeah.
- Who's your friend, huh?
- Who?
He has a--
Him.
- Oh, this guy.
- Yeah.
- That's my new smartphone.
- Sorry, you're what?
- Oh Collin, you got a missed call from Dave.
- Yeah, you told me already.
- I know but you have to get rid of the notification.
- Dude, I can't hear you in here.
Can we go next door?
- Oh yeah, yeah, let's do that.
- Oh, so sorry, I couldn't hear ya.
I thought you said he's your new smartphone.
- Yeah, yeah, it's great, isn't it?
Here, check this out.
Call Dave.
- Dave, he wants you.
- See that, it's great, isn't it?
No, he's a person, so.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it does exactly
what a phone would do.
Like anything, I don't know.
Google search.
- Bleep bleep.
- How to pronounce quinoa.
- Couscous.
- Ha, brilliant. (audience laughs)
I would never have got that, yeah.
- What's going on with his face?
- Yeah, I'll reduce the brightness, there we go.
- Low battery.
- Ah, you serious?
- For fuck sake. - Low--
Cheers. - Unbelievable.
- I'm starving.
- Going through them I am
- Right, okay.
Why is he wearing a helmet?
- Oh yeah, I just kept on dropping him on the ground.
Expensive, you know.
- All right, I need to talk to you over here.
Come here, okay.
- What are we doing?
Is this the craic?
Are we the lads?
- No, can I talk to you without
your phone or whatever the thing yoke is.
- Oh yeah, oh, I can put him on airplane mode if you like.
- No, please don't.
- Yeah, yeah, go on airplane mode.
- Don't do it, I hate it.
- Will you go on the airplane mode?
- Collin, it's humiliating.
- Airplane mode, now.
- Oh Jesus, all right.
Whatever, look can I talk to you, please?
- Yeah, oh it's not about Tina, is it?
- Yeah, of course it's about--
It's always about Tina, man.
Turns out she was cheating on me
the whole time I was with her.
- You serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious.
- Ah, forget it.
Tina was bad news from the beginning, all right.
- I know that now.
- There's plenty more fish in the sea, okay.
This is what you need right here.
Open Tinder.
- Tinder open. - What?
- Tinder activated.
- [Foil] What are you doing?
- Searching for singles in your area.
- Oh, yeah, no, no.
No, no, stop that.
What are you doing?
Make him stop it.
- Singles found.
- Oh okay, yeah, no, that's not fair.
- Do you fancy her?
- (giggles) Yes, I do.
(audience laughs)
- Okay, do the swipe.
- Oh, swipe. - Yeah, yeah, that way?
Yeah, okay.
- Ah. (audience laughs)
- You got this. - Okay, we got this.
- Excuse me.
- [Foil] Oh no, oh no.
- Do you fancy me friend?
- Oh Jesus Christ. (audience laughs)
Oh God, oh Jesus.
- Yeah, he's lovely.
- He's lovely.
Okay, swipe this way.
No, with full hand there, come on.
- Woo. (audience laughs)
One correct match.
- Ah, it's such a relief.
If I got rejected on camera that would have been awful.
- Okay, so brilliant, so what do I do now?
- You message her.
- Message her.
Oh yeah, message her. - Easy.
- I've never done this before.
(groans) Hi.
- Hi. (audience laughs)
- Hi.
- What's your name?
- Sinead. - Sinead.
- Oh, that's your mom's name.
- It is my mom's name.
- Ah, that's great. - Very nice.
Okay, I'm gonna play it simple.
- Keep it sweet and simple.
- Sinead, maybe you'd like to go for dinner later on?
- Okay, perfect.
- Sending penis pic.
- Hey, what are you doing? (audience laughs loudly)
- What are you doing? - What's that about?
- I thought that's what you wanted.
- No, no, it's not what I wanted.
- You said go for dinner.
That's a euphemism.
- It's not a euphemism.
- Like going to the cinema. (growls)
- That means go to the cinema.
- I'm going with the lads ten-pin bowling,
if you know what I mean.
- No one knows what you mean.
- I don't know what I mean anymore.
- Why did you do this?
How do you even have a picture of my penis?
- Oh, it's not yours, it's his.
(audience laughs) - Ah, for--
- It's the only one I had on file.
- Oh, this is horseshit.
Oh my God, will you apologize to Sinead, please?
- Okay.
Sinead has blocked you.
(audience laughs)
- Yeah of course, she thinks I'm a pervert.
- Yeah.
- And this is your fault.
- I don't know, it could be anyone's fault.
(audience laughs) - It's your fault.
- It's your fault.
Use a different phone, okay. - What?
- Just use a different phone.
- Oh yeah, use a different phone.
Yeah, okay, okay. - Evil. (sighs)
- Oh Jesus, I don't even know.
Let me see.
I'm sorry, Miss, can I borrow your phone?
I just need to apologize, I made a fool of myself.
It will only take two seconds.
If you have a phone I could just borrow
really, really quickly.
I'm so sorry about this whole situation.
Oh sorry, misunderstanding.
No, the phone sitting beside you.
Is that okay?
Oh yeah, unbelievable
Wait until you see the accessories this phone has got.
This phone has a crutch.
(audience laughs) Hold on, I gotta find--
- Abort, abort.
Shut it down.
Shut the phone down. - Would you not suck it up
when we're filming a gig?
(audience laughs)
- Cancel the contract, cancel it.
- We're canceling the contract.
I'm gonna have to go for a newer model.
- Why don't you get like a really beefed-up phone?
- A really beefy phone?
- Yeah, yeah, why don't you do that?
(audience cheers)
- All right, yeah, we got a new phone.
Up you come, here we go.
- [Hog] Get up here.
- There we go.
- Yeah. (giggles) - All right, okay.
Oh, I like it.
- It's only got two buttons.
(audience laughs)
- What's the unlock code on this phone?
Is it a seven?
(muffled speaking)
It's a six, a swipe six.
Oh okay cool, fair enough.
To unlock this bad boy.
(audience laughs)
No, it didn't seem to work the six, yeah.
- I'll tell you that's fun though, isn't it?
- Yeah, I tell you what. (audience laughs)
I think I've just grated my hand.
Let's see, what would you try like a--
- Try a figure of eight.
- A figure of eight.
- More surface area.
(audience laughs)
I touched the boobs twice.
(audience laughs)
- He's just vibrating lightly, he's not unlocking here.
What would unlock it?
Maybe the V unlocks it.
- V, yeah, yeah.
- The V swipe normally unlocks it, okay.
- [Audience] Ooh.
- Oh yay, we're in.
(audience claps)
Unbelievable.
Wait, where you going? - Where you going?
- We just got you open.
- Oh, he's gone roaming.
(audience laughs)
- All right, okay.
Let's see what the new phone can do here.
Airplane mode.
(audience laughs)
Oh, it went Concorde there for a second.
(Arms rings)
Oh, you're getting a call, buddy.
- [Hog] Excuse me, I'll cancel this.
- Collin.
- Here we go. (audience laughs)
- Collin, you got a missed call from Tina.
- [Audience] Ooh.
- I'm sorry, Tina?
- Ah yeah, well-- - As in my Tina?
- Oh no, no, no, it's gotta be a different Tina.
- No, it isn't.
Oh shit. (audience laughs)
No, it could be, it could be.
- Okay, you know what, I gotta deal with this.
You've been great, you can take a seat.
Thank you very much.
(audience applauds)
- Excuse me.
Hey, eyes here, buddy.
Tina, my Tina.
What's my Tina doing calling you?
- I don't know.
You're the guy.
She was cheating on me with you the whole damn time.
That's unbelievable
I'm not the guy okay
He's the guy.
Him?
It was only phone sex.
Okay I'm going to punch him right in the screen
You can't touch him I'm tied into a 12 month contract here
Alright but you've got a decision to make yeah
Because it's me or him.
You are thinking about this?
Open my taxi.
My taxi ready
Sorry buddy.
Alright yeah whatever