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today's story takes place in the florida keys the archipelago off the southern coast of florida as
such the keys are the southernmost territory of the continental united states and actually closer
to cuba than to the motherland on the 10th of january 1861 the state of florida seceded
from the union joining the confederate states in the civil war the island and
the city of key west however remained under the union throughout the war
but 121 years later key west would lead the archipelago into a rebellion which
would spark the foundation of a new rogue micronation the conch republic
the epic story of the conquer republic's independence begins with the most mundane
occurrences a painful boring excruciating roadblock on the 18th of april 1982 the u.s
border patrol had set a checkpoint on u.s route 1 in front of skeeter's last chance saloon in
florida city their intent was to search all cars driving out of key west into the mainland for
drugs and illegal immigrants route 1 was the only road out of town and very quickly traffic backed
up for 19 miles enraged tourists at their travel plans completely thrown into the air by this
unexpected action of the border patrol are forced supposed to guard the national borders not set up
controls within the state soon you spread that a checkpoint had placed a stranglehold on key west
doris intending to travel there panicked and canceled their reservations this was a hit to the
economy of key west which was heavily reliant on tourism hundreds of thousands of dollars were lost
overnight and what if the border patrol decided to establish permanent checkpoints this could
spell the end of the keys news of the roadblock immediately reached the mayor of key west dennis
wardlow normally he would have been notified by the authorities in fact wardlow heard the news
from his dad and amateur radio operator who had picked up radio chatter from the border force it
turns out that the federal government had failed to notify wardlow the county sheriff the florida
state representative and even the state governor mayor wardlow was not one to pap about and he
contacted the border patrol captain in charge he demanded to know who had ordered the checkpoint
and why the captain could have done with some pr training as he simply replied that it was none of
the mayor's business to which wardlow replied don't tell a conch it's none of your business
conch by the way is the nickname for inhabitants of the keys and as a proud conch the mayor sprung
into decisive action he consulted with the city council and the main business leaders to discuss
what they labelled as an attack on key west sovereignty they decided to file for an injunction
at miami's federal district court to get the roadblock lifted on april 22 dennis wardlow and a
group of angry conks flew to miami on the private plane piloted by their attorney david paul horan
but miami's u.s district judge refused to issue the injunction leaving dennis with only one choice
rebellion as he was approached by reporters outside the court he declared by establishing
that border they have declared us a foreign nation we're tired of the u.s government picking
on little key west and then he dropped his bomb tomorrow at noon the florida keys will
secede from the union in front of the amused and stunned reporters wardlo vowed to negotiate only
with president reagan or vice president bush he concluded i guess they think we're kidding and
we're not as the small party flew back to their home base lawyer pilot horn enacted the first
act of kong defiance he launched the craft into a nose dive making a low pass over the roadblock
by the time wardlow and friends landed back in key west the news had spread many conks were
supportive of the secession but the enthusiasm was not unanimous county representatives made it
clear to the mayor that they didn't want to have anything to do with his plans they even warned
him that his move was career suicide ordinary citizens bombarded wardlow's office with worried
phone calls asking if their u.s dollars were still valid other less well-meaning inhabitants sent
death threats to wardlow's family but dennis was determined to go through with his designs she
clarified that the mayor and his acolytes never considered formally seceding from florida and the
united states nor did they expect to receive international recognition the whole idea was
more of a pr stunt or a massive prank designed to raise attention on how a poorly handled federal
decision had endangered the livelihood of their community by the morning of april 23rd wardlow and
his conspirators had formed the government of the conk republic dennis would be its
prime minister of course overseeing cabinet members such as the secretary of underwater
affairs and the minister of nutrition the cabinet immediately received offers from volunteers who
wanted to join the still non-existent armed forces of the conk republic one of these volunteers a guy
called tony offered to fly his biplane over the key west naval base and bomb the vessels moored
there it turns out that those ships were bursting with federal agents who had immediately convened
over key west waiting for orders to arrest the mayor somehow rumors of the impending attack
reached a miami herald reporter and from there the admiral in charge of key west the admiral
hurriedly phoned wardlow begging him not to make any rash decisions what the officer and the
press had failed to grasp though is that tony the bomber was planning to attack the navy with only a
certain type of ammunition his own homemade conch fritters these are a local delicacy prepared with
freshly ground conk meat garlic onions red peppers jalapenos tabasco and beer then you add egg milk
salt flour and pepper and leave it to rest in the fridge you then scoop up this ball and then
fry the hell out of it for five minutes why someone would want to waste such goodness by
dumping it from a plane is beyond me but i guess the gesture had some symbolic significance the
bombing however never took place the big events of the day was staged at noon when wardlow and
his cabinet gathered in clinton square for their declaration of independence the stars and stripes
flag was lowered and replaced with a new blue and yellow banner of the conk republic wardlow then
issued his proclamation we serve notice to the government in washington to remove the roadblock
or get ready to put up a permanent border to a new foreign land if we're not equal we'll get out
the federal government was present in the form of several special agents coast guard sailors and
navy personnel two naval officers still stood in full gala uniform but dennis later declared that
they appeared ready to take him down at any minute as soon as he finished reading his proclamation a
loud drone announced the arrival of tony's biplane contritters were dropped from the sky and more of
these spherical goodies started flying in clinton square lobbed by the conchs against the feds none
of this was part of warlord's plans the situation got even more out of hand when county commissioner
joe bauberton confronted one of the navy officers and whacked him in the head with a stale loaf of
cuban bread so it was time for wardlow to step in riding the wave of ridicule he declared war
on the u.s and he immediately surrendered to one of the officers the second american civil war or
the one minute war had ended but the conk republic would not yield to unconditional surrender in fact
the cabinet demanded one billion dollars in foreign aid from washington in their eyes it
was fair compensation for the damage incurred during the long federal siege and the gruelling
onslaught of the battle of clinton square the us government's reply was a plain no they would
not pay the ridiculous amount of money in fact they would not pay any reparation for the economic
damages caused by the roadblock so the conchs had been conquered after all well par from it actually
dennis the rebel mayor david the flying attorney tony the fritter-bomber and joe the wielder of
the mighty loaf had attracted plenty of media attention with their antics the resulting negative
publicity for the federal government prompted the border patrol to finally remove their roadblock
the conquer republic had triumphed even if in theory its territory coincides with the florida
keys it is not and never was an independent state but rather a state of mind a source of local pride
and an important boost of tourism if you're lucky enough to visit these lands make sure
to get a t-shirt or bump a sticker bearing the republic's legendary motto we seceded where others
failed alright we'll get back to today's video in just a quick moment first a word from today's
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slash geographics or just follow the link in the description below and now back to today's video
in 1990 the mayor of key west and prime minister of the conquer republic captain tony terracino
decided to appoint a secretary-general to whom he would delegate the day-to-day operations of this
micro-state of mind that honor was given to peter anderson who took his role very seriously
so seriously that in 1994 he crashed the summit of the americas succeeding in having his republic
represented as an actual country but it was not all fun and games after the succession of the
conch the federal state and local governments behaved like good buddies and there were no
sources of tension but things were about to change on the morning of september 20th 1995
a local radio station wpik reported that the 478th civil affairs battalion of the u.s army
was to conduct some war games in the florida keys more precisely they were to stage a mock invasion
and occupation of the island the military however had failed to notify key west authorities scratch
war games or military exercises this made it a real invasion an assault on their sovereign
republic anderson notified president clinton and the heads of the armed forces that they
were ready to mobilize and defend their nation on september 21st the conk republic sailed forth to
meet their foes ready to give them hell in the waters of key west harbor they should specify
that the republican navy consisted of a small number of fire boats and private sailing vessels
but they would give them hell nonetheless as they approached u.s navy and coast guard ships
the konks let out a devastating barrage of water sprayed with their anti-far hoses before the u.s
sailors could react the cog navy unleashed a volley of water balloons stale cuban bread and
of course conch critters this naval blitzkrieg was too much to endure and the u.s fleet raised
the white flag i expect those poor sailors later suffered from ptsd while the battle was
raging at sea a land invasion was being met with fierce resistance the 478th battalion were merely
preparing to cross the bridge that would take them onto key west but a force of 200 unarmed conchs
blocked their path no us army boots would violate the sacred soil of the conquer republic unless
they politely asked permission to do so of course which is what happened the following day the army
sent a letter addressed to key west officials stating that the exercise in no way meant to
challenge or impugn the sovereignty of the conquer republic little did everybody know that tensions
would flare up again nearly three months later on december 16th the federal government ended
a shutdown period caused by conflicts between president clinton and the majority republican
congress the shutdown implied that the government would close all major national monuments one of
them was fort jefferson at dry tortugas national park some 66 nautical miles west of key west
closing the four was bad news for the keys as they could lose up to thirty thousand dollars a day in
tourism revenue fifty five thousand dollars in today's money key west officials secretary
anderson and local entrepreneurs estimated that operating fort jefferson cost only one thousand
six hundred dollars a day so how about they took over it it was definitely worth the investment
they were able to raise the necessary funds but needed state and federal permission to take
over the monument as time wore on the investors could not get a hold of anybody able to authorize
their request so in pure kong fashion they took matters into their own hands anderson assembled
a small team flew them to fort jefferson and approached the local park rangers declaring that
the monument was now open in the name of the conk republic this was not a hostile takeover however
as the conk offered a check to the rangers so that they could reopen the fort but the rangers
were not amused they refused to reopen the monument and issued a citation to the conchs for
trespassing on federal property tail between their legs the conquer republic's air raid party flew
back to key west yes you can't win every battle but at least the rangers dropped their charges
after a decade of peace the conchs and the feds butted heads again in january of 2006.
fifteen cuban refugees had landed on an abandoned span of seven mile bridge the
winding road bridge connecting the florida keys their demand for asylum was rejected on the basis
that the abandoned span was not connected to dry land and therefore it was not american soil on
hearing such news anderson pricked his ears if that part of the bridge was not american soil
surely it was up for grabs and so he led a force of conchs onto the bridge section planting
flags of the republic all along it anderson had successfully occupied the bridge with ambitious
plans to turn it into a model green community with composting toilets wind and solar power
rainwater collection like living on a boat really washington did not oppose the peaceful invasion
nor anderson's grand designs it was florida governor jeb bush instead who issued a communique
stating that the bridge belonged to the people of florida and the state was not planning to sell it
having heard these stories of the conquer public antics while maybe tempted to join their fold if
you'd like to apply for citizenship you may do so at one of their consulates abroad this is
this state's the king of dad jokes you don't need to be born on their territory nor be born from a
kong parrot prospective citizens however may be subjected to a background check for their beliefs
and actions in particular the republic encourages a certain type of individual to apply for this
honor they will welcome freethinkers capable of solving complex problems with simplicity those
who are accepting of others but cynical towards governments as a whole anyone who feeds the
poor better if with happy meals or whoppers the republic is also looking to swell its
ranks with pirates salvages beachcombers hippies beatniks and hobos past or present on the other
hand cog authorities reserve the right to reject politicians bureaucrats bigot zealots extremist
war mongers and lawyers especially ambulance chases being a citizen comes with privileges
as well as duties one of them is homeland defense each citizen of the conquer republic aged between
2 and 99 years old is required to serve in the conk national guard conk guards are required to
always maintain a personal arsenal consisting of loaves of stale for cuban bread a fishing net a
tickle stick to catch lobsters and a court of pre-mixed margaritas other drinks are allowed
the republic's military is regulated by a strict set of rules which you may find on their official
website at conchrepublicmilitaryforces.com here are some articles of note article 5 membership
membership in these armed forces should never be based on a person's race ethnicity
gender sexual orientation political persuasion religion or any other criteria and article 15
duels if any member of these forces considers themselves to be offended by any other member
he may challenge the offending party to a duel the traditional weapons which may be used are limited
to water guns water balloons conch fritters stale cuban bread and key lime pie the second website
mentions that the republic's armed forces include a detachment of green berets special forces and
even cia but the acronym does not refer to the intelligence agency but to cuties in action and
organization of local ladies dedicated to community service projects now it may not
be to everyone's taste to serve as a conch green beret but fear not you can still pledge allegiance
to the republic without requesting full-fledged citizenship in fact you could apply for a souvenir
passport via the republic's official website for a hundred dollars you can even bag a regular
passport and if you dish out one thousand two hundred dollars you'll receive a snazzy
diplomatic passport secretary general anderson claims to have traveled with his diplomatic
passport to at least 30 nations including russia the passport was regularly inspected and stamped
each time and no objections were raised by border guards according to jennifer babson
of the miami herald anderson used the conquer public passport to go through u.s immigration
on at least five occasions between 1994 and 1998. the same newspaper in october 2001 reported that
the fbi was investigating a more sinister use of a kong travel document apparently in the fall of
2000 when muhammad atta had applied for a republic passport and may have used it to enter the u.s it
was never determined if that applicant was the same muhammad atta who crashed american airlines
flight 11 into the north tower of the world trade center on 9 11. what we know with more certainty
is that a passport may have saved someone's life sometime in the 1980s conch passport holder bud
navarro took a trekking trip to guatemala despite it being a dangerous destination since 1960 the
country had been gripped by a bloody civil war between the central government backed by the
u.s and the leftist guatemalan national revolutionary unit supported by cuba one
day bud walked into a small mountain village and entered the local cantina for a well-deserved rest
but as soon as the doors closed behind bud several pairs of hostile eyes turned towards him
the bar was bursting with angry heavily armed men leftist guerillas who had identified the
stranger as a hated american but was not fluent in spanish but he could recognize the hostility
of the words directed to him a mix of ethnic slurs and inferences as to the profession of his mother
as the angry mob advanced towards him but had the presence of spirit to produce his conch passport
and then shouted americano no republica de la conquer his declaration of allegiance to the
separatist state puzzled the horde long enough to stop their murderous intent with whatever
little spanish he knew bud managed to charm the revolutionaries with the epic story of conch
succession and what may have been a lynching ended up with a massive hangover from tequila
as of today the us and the conquer republic enjoy peaceful relations the mock micro
nation still attracts tourists especially during the celebrations commemorating the
secession festivities are held every year around mid-april and include parades street parties and
fundraisers at the time of producing this episode the cog republic is approaching
its 40th anniversary a landmark event to be celebrated from april 15th to the 24th
the 2022 anniversary event will include bar crawls pirate adventures conch shell-blowing contests and
the marvelously oxymoronic elections of the conch republic royal family but the highlight
will be as in previous years the great conk republic drag race in which participants will
race with pimped up shopping carts and buggies while carrying female impersonators we hope that
today's overview of this sovereign state of mind has lifted your spirit and inspired you to face
adversary with the right cocktail of defiance and ridicule more than anything we hope to have
captured the spirit of the conquer republic and its proud inhabitants as summarized by
the current secretary of state captain james r gilleran the value of humor
community and a passion to encourage others to behave in a proud and foolish manner
you