(cheerful 8-bit music)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Clefairy.
Its magical and cute appeal has many admirers.
It is rare and found only in certain areas.
(vehicle beeping)
- [Man] Aww, look. An adorable Clefairy.
I wonder what it's doing in a construction site.
Oh God, Rotom! Look out!
(tires screeching) (metal thudding)
(liquid sloshing) (Clefairy squeaking)
Oh, no. Toxic waste has blinded the poor creature.
Hopefully its sense of hearing will improve
to compensate for its loss of vision.
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Clefable.
It is very wary and rarely shows itself to people.
Its ears can hear a pin drop over half a mile away.
- [Clefable] I'm not seeking penance
for what I've done, Father.
I'm asking for forgiveness for what I'm about to do.
You can suffocate evil,
starve it, lock it behind bars,
but it will find a way to come back even stronger.
There's only one true way to end evil.
To finish it for good.
(fist thudding) (suspenseful music)
Let the Fable out.
(comical dinging)
(suspenseful music)
(footsteps thudding) (bone crunching)
- [Child] Thank you, Clefable!
You saved- - Who's there?
(fist thudding)
(blood splattering) (bone breaking)
Oh no.
Oh no, that felt like a kid.
That felt like a kid's skull I punched.
(brain squelching) (bone breaking)
Oh, yep. Definitely a kid's skull.
I'm gonna have to save some TM35 Mary's for that one.
(cheerful 8-bit music)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Dragonite.
It is said that this Pokemon
constantly flies over the immense seas
and rescues drowning people.
- Help! Help!
I'm drowning!
(water splashing)
Oh, thank you! You saved my life.
You know, I feel kinda bad being rescued by a Pokemon.
I'm a trainer, making guys like you fight all the time.
- Oh, I'm well aware of who you are, Alec.
- Oh no.
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Dragonite.
This Pokemon saved a ship-wrecked man,
taking him to a remote island,
a paradise occupied solely by Dragonite.
- Hey, I don't mean to be a backseat flyer or anything,
but the shore is kind of in the other direction.
- The ocean is quite vast, Alec,
fly far enough, you'll always find a shore.
Ah, I see our destination now.
There will be no one to interrupt us here.
(ominous music)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Dragonite.
Incur the wrath of this normally calm Pokemon at your peril
because it will smash everything to smithereens
before it's satisfied.
- Please, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry for everything I've done!
Just, just kill me!
- Kill you?
No, Alec. Never.
You are mine now.
I will subject you to beatings, burns, poison,
but I will always save you from the brink.
There is no escape, not even death.
That's why I rescued you.
I wanted you to know what it is like for us.
Now you are a Slugma in the sun,
you are a Durant in the afterbirth.
Before me, you'll rightly tremble,
but fear is not what you owe me.
You owe me awe.
- No, no.
No!
(comical beeping)
(cheerful 8-bit music)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Togepi.
The shell seems to be filled with joy.
It is said that it will share good luck when treated kindly.
- Togepi. Togepi.
- Oh. Hey, little egg buddy.
Did you twist your ankle?
Don't you worry, I've got a first aid kit with me.
Oh, hey! I just found 50 bucks on the ground.
Wasn't that lucky?
Say, what do you say, we stick together?
Just you and me.
- Togepi, Togepi, Togepi!
(upbeat music)
- Hi, I'm John Ultraball,
billionaire inventor of the netball.
Would you like to have dinner with me?
- Well, I'd love to, Mr. Ultraball.
Why, you really are my lucky charm, Togepi.
- Togepi.
(Mr. Ultraball laughing)
- So true, Jerry.
I'm really enjoying this.
Say, why don't you and Topegi move into my enormous mansion?
- Togepi.
Togepi, Jerry.
- Don't ruin this for me.
I'd love to, John.
Wow. Could things get any luckier?
- Togepi.
- Wow, Jerry.
I can't believe you won
literally every single blackjack hand.
That shouldn't even be possible.
- Guess I was just getting lucky.
- Speaking of getting lucky.
I love you, Jerry. Marry me?
- John, I had no idea you felt the same way as me.
Of course, I'll marry you.
- Togepi, Jerry! Toga-toga-togepi.
- Quiet, you little broken egg freak!
(objects clattering)
Uh-oh. A little bit of a turbulence there.
Oh, god! He's dead!
John! Why?
How could this happen?
- Togepi-pi.
Toge-togepi.
Togepi.
Togepi-pi.
Togepi.
Togepi. (giggling)
- Oh god. Was this you?
Did you do this?
You monster!
You goddamn monster!
Oh, I almost forgot, I got max revive.
(bright dinging)
I mean, why wouldn't that work on humans, right? Right.
(comical honking)
(comical beeping)
(cheerful 8-bit music)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Genesect.
This Pokemon existed 300 million years ago.
Team Plasma altered it and attached a cannon to its back.
- [Man] Aha, with the addition of this cannon,
Genesect will be unbeatable!
- [Man] Yeah, it should go well with our other new Pokemon,
Clefairy with a gun.
- I got a real good feeling about this next match.
A real good feeling.
(gun clicking)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Rufflet.
Known as a natural born warrior,
soon after its hatching,
it will challenge its parents to a fight
in order to gain their acceptance.
(pleasant music)
- Look at our precious little Rufflet, honey.
We love you.
(loud banging)
- Who you callin' precious, old man?
- [Father] I brought you into this world
and I can sure as hell take you out of it!
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Braviary.
For the sake of its friends,
this brave warrior of the sky will not stop battling,
even if injured.
(Braviary thudding)
- Stay down. Final warning.
- I can do this all day.
- Please stop punching our newborn child!
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Reshiram.
Flames spew from its tail as it flies through the sky,
like a jet airplane.
It's said that this Pokemon will scorch the world
- [Narrator] Behold Reshiram, through flame and might,
it will reshape the Earth in a baptism of fire.
It will burn away the lies of the old world
so that all that remains is truth.
None can hope to resist its righteous cleansing fury.
(gun firing)
(Reshiram thudding)
- Wow, that was really easy.
Wonder if this guy has a wallet or anything.
(comical beeping)
(alarm beeping)
No cash, are you kidding me?
Ah, everyone just uses Venmo these days.
Well.
(Clefairy whistling) (upbeat music)
(comical beeping)
(cheerful 8-bit music)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Stunfisk.
Its skin is very hard,
so it is unhurt even if stepped on by sumo wrestlers.
It smiles when transmitting electricity.
- So I just step on you?
Won't that hurt like a lot?
- No, no, no. It's, it's fine.
It's fine.
- And people pay to watch?
- Yeah.
- I've always wondered why you're in these games.
It makes sense now.
- Correct. Stunfisk is here only for foot perverts.
Oh, yeah! Step on me, daddy.
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Torkoal.
Torkoal generates energy by burning coal.
It grows weaker as the fire dies down.
When it is preparing for battle,
this Pokemon burns more coal.
(man coughing)
- Oh, God.
Why does this Pokemon even exist?
Climate change is getting worse every day!
Soon the polar ice caps are gonna melt
and the oceans will rise.
Oh, wait.
- Turns out there's a way easier way of flooding the world.
Get me a Ditto in the daycare, ASAP!
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Growlithe.
Its superb sense of smell
ensures that this Pokemon won't forget any scent
no matter what.
It uses its sense of smell to detect the emotions of others.
- What happened to the poor guy?
- He smelled a Garbodor 50 years ago.
Hasn't been the same since.
- His emotion was horny,
watching Stunfisk videos.
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Arcanine.
A Pokemon whose beauty is legendary in China.
It is said to run gracefully and lightly
as if it were flying.
- Hey, you ever notice how every big blockbuster
has clearly edited something
to make it more appealing to China's box office?
- Yeah. I mean pigeonholing Arcanine into Dr. Strange 2?
Kinda noticeable.
(comical beeping)
(cheerful 8-bit music)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Mawile.
It uses its docile-looking face
to lull foes into complacency,
then bites with its huge relentless jaws.
- Hello, I'm just a harmless little baby Pokemon.
- Oh god, a docile-looking baby Pokemon.
Get the hell away from me, man!
- Ah, nuts. He must have seen my giant jaws.
- What?
No, it's just that harmless baby Pokemon
are always the most powerful.
Back me up here, guys.
- Yeah, he's right.
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Meditite.
It never skips its daily yoga training.
It heightens its inner strength through meditation.
- I am breathing. I can feel my breath fill my lungs.
I am one with the universe.
I am at peace with- - Meditite, I choose you!
- God fucking dammit.
(Meditite zapping)
I almost transcended the material plane, Timmy!
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Medicham.
Through the power of meditation,
Medicham developed its six sense.
It gained the ability to use psychokinetic powers.
This Pokemon is known to meditate
for a whole month without eating.
- [Medicham] Behold my power,
discipline of the body and spirit
has given me unsurpassed powers.
My might is beyond even these special baby Pokemon.
(machine beeping)
- Well, I guess that proves it.
Meditating without eating for an entire month
is bad for you.
(machine beeping)
(comical beeping)
- [Announcer] Kangaskhan.
The infant rarely ventures
out of its mother's protective pouch
until it is three years old.
- Yes, my little one moved out
when they were three years old
and then moved back in after college.
- Oh, like it's my fault the economy's in shambles?
Have you seen the cost of a one bedroom in Cerulean City?
(comical ringing)
(comical honking)
(upbeat 8-bit music)