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- [Narrator] Hey Psych2Goers, welcome back
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Today's video is brought to you in collaboration
with Haley Shafir from Choosing Therapy.
Let's begin.
Abandonment issues involve a deep fear
of being hurt, rejected or abandoned.
Fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety that often develops
in response to specific painful or traumatic experiences,
like childhood abuse, neglect, or the loss of a loved one.
Abandonment issues are closely linked
to insecure attachment styles, which are characterized by
difficulty forming close, stable relationships with others.
According to attachment theory,
early childhood interactions between
a child and their caregivers
is a primary determinant of whether a person develops
a secure or insecure attachment style.
Before we proceed, please remember this video is for
informational purposes only and is not for self diagnosis.
With that said, here are the signs and causes
of abandonment issues.
So what is this fear actually?
Did you go through a specific painful experience
being betrayed hurt or abandoned
by someone during childhood?
Often, abandonment issues stem from early childhood traumas
involving a parent or caregiver.
Abandonment issues stemming from childhood
often persists into adulthood.
When parents and caregivers respond
in warm consistent and attentive ways
to the feelings and needs of children,
children develop a secure attachment
and are able to develop normally.
A secure attachment style represents a person who learns
to trust and open up to others,
is responsive and warm to others
and can form healthy and close relationships.
When this does not happen,
the child remains in a state of chronic stress and fear,
stunting their development and preventing specific important
social and emotional milestones from being reached.
This leads to development of an insecure attachment style.
What are some signs of abandonment issues?
In children, abandonment issues often show up as anxiety,
especially when separated from a caregiver.
Children with abandonment issues may be more easily upset
and often have difficulty regulating their emotions.
They may exhibit negative attention seeking behaviors
and have outbursts or tantrums.
They can either demonstrate avoidant or antisocial behaviors
withdrawing from peers or bullying others.
They might also be other very fearful of adults
or overly trusting, developing fast dependencies.
And what about the signs of abandonment issues in adults?
Well, have you ever developed specific defense mechanisms
that make it more difficult
to form close healthy relationships?
Do you push people away, withdraw
and avoid trusting or opening up to people?
The particular types of defense mechanisms a person
with abandonment issues develops can be different.
These are categorized as different attachment styles.
Adults with abandonment issues will display similar
unhealthy patterns in their relationships.
They'll become overly needy in relationships
and will develop patterns of codependency relying
on the other person to meet all of their emotional needs.
Others with abandonment fears will allow people to get close
but become volatile, aggressive or emotionally reactive
with their partner when they feel threatened or upset.
Each of these distinct patterns represent
a specific type of insecure attachment.
Causes and triggers of abandonment issues.
Did you go through abuse, neglect or a traumatic loss
of a loved one during childhood?
Abandonment issues that begin in childhood are almost always
the result of Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACEs,
which describe different types of
stressful and traumatic experiences.
These experiences lead to the development of
negative beliefs about oneself and others that form
the basis of insecure attachment and abandonment fears.
These beliefs can include self worth issues,
like believing one is unlovable or unworthy
beliefs that others are untrustworthy
or believing people will always end up leaving.
These core beliefs are referred to as
internal working models in attachment theory
and are believed to drive insecure attachment patterns,
even in adulthood.
Some of the childhood experiences that cause
abandonment issues and insecure attachment styles include
having a caregiver who is neglectful or unresponsive
to the feelings and needs of a child.
Having a caregiver who is physically
or emotionally abusive or intimidating.
Having a caregiver who is inconsistent,
sometimes warm and attentive and other times
cold and unresponsive or abusive.
Being a victim of sexual abuse,
especially as a child or teen.
And having a caregiver who is separated or absent,
the death of a parent, incarceration,
or a parent who is not an active caregiver.
Abandonment fears can be caused by any of these experiences
and are not always the direct result
of one particular event.
But instead a pattern of not consistently meeting
a child's physical and emotional needs.
Sometimes, this is caused by certain environmental factors
or circumstances instead of parenting deficits.
These environmental and social risk factors include things
like being exposed to violence
in the community or within the home,
coming from low-socioeconomic status or being a minority.
Children who are raised in adoptive families
or who are placed in foster care also often struggle
with fears of abandonment and insecure attachments.
Even children from loving stable homes
could have developed abandonment issues
if a parent was frequently working or traveling,
or if one parent struggled with chronic health
or mental health conditions.
While experiencing trauma in childhood
is more likely to lead to insecure attachment,
experiences later on in life may also cause
insecure attachment and abandonment fears.
For instance, being in an emotionally,
physically or sexually abusive relationship,
being cheated on or betrayed,
or experiencing rejection as an adult
could trigger these fears.
While not everyone who has these experiences
will go on to develop abandonment issues, some will.
And this happens when the person's unresolved trauma
from one relationship is carried over
and impacts a person's future relationships.
When and how to seek help for abandonment issues.
Do you have difficulty forming
close romantic relationships or friendships?
Is there intense anxiety about commitment
that impacts a significant relationship?
Difficulty being open, vulnerable or trusting others
because of past experiences
are commonly faced by those having abandonment issues.
Some of the signs that could indicate a need for
professional help include patterns of choosing partners
who are abusive, controlling, needy,
emotionally unstable or unavailable.
Patterns of unhealthy communication,
consistent feedback from others that you are too needy
and a pattern of losing yourself in relationships,
are all experiences due to fear of abandonment.
When significant past traumas or unhealed emotional wounds
continue to bother you or impact your relationships
or behavior in unwanted ways,
you may benefit from seeking professional counseling.
Seeking a counselor who is experienced
in treating trauma is a great help.
If your loved one is struggling with abandonment issues,
therapy may be able to help you move forward.
If you are currently in a relationship that is
being affected by your abandonment issues,
consider seeking out a therapist
who specializes in couples therapy.
The Choosing Therapy directory is a great place to find
therapists for individual or couples counseling
and offer a free consultation to match you
with a great therapist.
We hope we're able to give you insight
into the signs and causes of abandonment issues.
Do any of these describe your experience?
Or did any of these points describe you?
Leave a comment down below about your encounters
with them if you'd like.
Please feel free to share any thoughts you have as well.
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