-Hi. In this video, we're going to talk
about the most important thing you can do to set
powerful boundaries with a man.
[music]
Hi there. Mat Shaffer, your empowerment,
connection and relationship coach.
I'm a former attorney who's committed his life to supporting women like you
in creating this fun, fulfilling dynamic relationships
that you are so worthy of.
Today, we're going to talk about a really important distinction
on how you can establish boundaries
with a man that he actually wants to follow.
There are going to be really powerful.
Before we do that, take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and don't forget to click the link in the comments and caption.
I've created some awesome training that I know you're really going to love.
Let's talk about boundaries.
It's something that's so important,
and it's such a critical part of being in a healthy relationship,
but I think it's a really tough thing for a lot of women out there.
Can you relate to that? Let me know.
Put it in the comments.
Share what your biggest challenges are around setting boundaries.
I will be the first to tell you.
Boundaries can be tough,
but what's important it's for us
to look at how are we approaching boundaries with a man.
Let's dig into the one important distinction that's going to determine
if a man wants to follow a boundary or not,
and it comes down to two choices.
You can set a boundary through invitation, or you can set it through assertion.
What is setting a boundary through assertion?
It's telling a man what to do or telling him what not to do,
saying, "Don't do this,"
"I need you to text me more," "I don't want you to touch me there,"
"We need to do more of this." Why wouldn't that work?
Why wouldn't that be activating to a man?
Why wouldn't that not get you the energetic response that you want?
Yes, of course, it's very masculine.
It's very dominating.
It's going to have a tendency to get him to pull back or put his wall up.
While he may follow along with it,
it's not going to create the dynamic that you want, especially over time.
If you're constantly saying boundaries from a space of assertion,
from a space of aggression, over time,
it's not going to build that intimacy and polarity that I know
that you're looking to create in a relationship.
What's a much more powerful way than asserting to him the things
that you don't want or the way you don't want to be treated
is instead to invite him towards the action,
towards the behavior that you want.
You're going to invite him by using positive feeling statements,
"I love it when I hear from you more often,"
"Do you think we could text during the day instead of only at night?"
If he's doing something that you don't like
or something that you don't want him to be doing, instead of telling him,
"I don't like it that I don't hear from you during the day,"
just invite him to do what you do want.
The more you can guide a man towards doing things that you like,
doing things that make you happy, doing things that make you feel good,
the more he's going to be excited to do those things because men fundamentally,
we do want to make you happy, we do want you to feel good,
and we really don't like feeling wrong.
When you operate from a space of assertion and from a space of,
"No, don't do that,"
it does have a tendency to make us feel wrong,
which you want to avoid as often as possible
in the boundary setting process.
I want you to take a look at the man you're in a relationship with
and ask yourself,
"How can I use invitation rather than assertion to get him
to do more of the things
that I would like him to do in relationship?
How can I guide him towards what it is that I would like
rather than just telling him, 'No I don't like that.'?"
Let me know in the comments how you're going to use invitation
to set positive constructive boundaries with a man that he's going to be
excited to follow.
I hope you enjoyed this video.
Take a second, hit that little subscribe button,
and don't forget to click the link in the comments and caption.
I have created a great training just for you and your connections with men.
Thanks so much for stopping by,
and I'll see next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.