- In this video I'm gonna be showing you
the most powerful, magnetic secret
I have learned about being in my own frame.
These are things that will completely change
the way you show up in the world.
And it'll also change the way people respond to you
because you've changed your own energy.
Now, the first thing to know about this
is the simple saying that I've been saying
as of the last couple days.
And that is to be in your own frame,
you must be able to reframe.
So being in your own frame of reality literally means
that you are able to be present to the moment.
And also focused on a certain vision,
focused on going in a certain direction.
And when we're not in our own frame,
we'll find that we will tune to other people.
And be in the frame that they want us to be in.
And this is the classic saying as well
that you're either the star of your own movie
or you're the cameo in someone else's movie.
And energetically you want to be
the star of your own movie.
Energetically, it changes everything.
It also helps you let go of a lot of the neediness.
A lot of times when we're trying to be the cameo
in someone else's movie we put someone else on a pedestal.
And we end up creating a lot of resistance in the process.
Now when I look back on my life and I look at the things
that really shaped me as a person,
shaped me on being in my own frame.
The most powerful thing I've seen,
and I was watching a podcast yesterday
that I'll share with you.
Like a little story from it and see many different ways
on how you could apply this.
It's what changed everything about my energy.
It's what changed literally like almost
the timeline that I was on.
By changing and reframing the meaning
to certain things in my life.
Now yesterday I was watching a podcast
with Joe Rogan and Aaron Rodgers.
Aaron Rodgers is a famous quarterback
and he was talking about,
he's like a super successful quarterback.
A lot of you probably know who he is.
I'm not a huge football person
however I still know who he is.
And he was explaining a story
when he was in this food appreciation class.
And it was in high school and he was given a lot of shit
from the teacher of that class
because the teacher thought that he was entitled.
And had all these stories about him
because he was a football player.
And what he said was actually the truth,
is that he was very focused on school.
He was one of the only football players
that really cared and really wanted to get good grades.
But she would project all the stuff onto him
and it was very hard for him to get by.
Because like she'd give everyone else privileges except
for him because she'd like singled him out.
But on the other side of this what he said is,
at one point she was like,
"You think you're gonna become a famous football player
or a like successful football player in the NFL?"
She's like, "You're wrong, you're gonna be a loser.
You need to fall back on your education."
And she said all these mean things to him.
And he looks back at that
and can see that that was something that really shaped
and really motivated him to actually become more.
And to live more than what
that teacher's expectation of him was.
Now the thing is, is the meaning we give
to things determines what we choose about ourselves.
So everything in life is fundamentally neutral except
for the meaning we give it.
That may have in a good way,
him and Joe were talking about is interesting
because it was like, well,
that's probably one of the best things
that ever happened to him
because then it motivated him even more.
In a similar way I remember
when I was first getting on YouTube
and I started making videos.
I remember that I had like 10 subscribers
or 11 subscribers on YouTube in the beginning.
And my sister was like,
"Are you gonna go make videos for your 11 subscribers?"
And I remember at the moment thinking,
"Well, maybe they're right.
Maybe this is like ridiculous.
I'm putting all those energy
and making videos and I have 11 subscribers."
And then I would hear stories about my ex-stepmom making fun
of the videos that I was making.
She would say, "My name is Aaron Doughty..."
(mumbles mockingly)
She would said that and joke around and make fun of me
with my sisters where that's their real mom.
And I remember feeling very defeated
and I felt like if I let that in
I could have just said you know what maybe it's right.
Who am I kidding myself?
But ironically enough that actually motivated me a lot more.
I actually was like screw that.
I'm gonna go in this direction
and choose the meaning I give to it
and let myself use it as motivation.
Now when it comes to having attractive energy,
one of the qualities you must have is the quality
and the ability to choose your own meaning to things.
And to not internalize everything that's happening.
Because if you internalize and you started thinking
what are people thinking about me?
And you internalize and think that it means
you're not good enough or something like that,
then it stops you from being in your own frame.
And you continue tuning to other people
to get your needs met.
I remember as well when I was working
a nine to five job selling women's shoes at Barneys.
One of the most embarrassing times
and one of the most demeaning times
was when they brought me up to the office.
And they wanted me to watch a video of myself
on camera on my phone for like 10 minutes.
And the thing was is I sold women's shoes and half the time,
like for four hours there would
not be one customer in the store.
And what we do is me and coworkers,
one of us would stay on the floor
and the other one would go in the back and be on our phone.
Then we'd take turns.
And one of the reasons that was
is because it's just so damn slow.
Well, when it was my turn and I was on my phone,
they had that on camera.
And then they brought me up and they wrote me up and said,
"If you ever do this again, you're gonna get fired."
But they were like, "You need to watch this."
So I had to watch and silence myself
on my phone where we could see what
on Instagram I was swiping through.
So I'm there with the regional manager,
the store manager and then the HR manager.
And it was super embarrassing
and I was like, "Okay, I get the point.
Can you just write me up and be on my day?
They're like, "No, we want you to really watch this."
They wanted me to go through the embarrassment
of watching that with them 'cause
they were trying to make a point.
Well, in that moment I felt so small
and I felt so like demeaned or whatever.
I made a choice.
You know what,
I one day will not be working for somebody else.
I will do what I love.
I will not have to adhere and be told what to do.
So I made the choice and I said I'm gonna make
a video every single day on YouTube.
That was right around that time that I made
the choice to make daily videos.
That pain motivated me to shape new meaning
about myself to then go in the direction
that I wanted to go.
And that also changed my sense of perception of myself.
I started to see myself as somebody
that didn't take shit from other people.
And also somebody that could put my mind
on something and make it happen.
There was another time this happened too
when I worked at the Rack.
When I was 18 years old, I worked at Nordstrom Rack,
which is where you work and you get paid hourly.
And it's kind of like a luxury Ross or something like that.
If you guys know what Ross is.
It's a discount store where all the Nordstrom stuff goes to.
And I was working there for like the first year.
And the only reason I got that job is
because I wanted to transfer to the main Nordstrom's,
is because I knew that they got paid commission.
and I didn't want to only get paid an hour.
I wanted commission.
So I got the job there, I worked there for like six months
and they said, "After six months,
you can then put in a request to go to the full line store."
And I thought oh, cool.
After six months, I'm a good employee, I'm on time
and I'm one of the most consistent employees.
And I go to put in my six months to say,
"Hey, can I transfer the full line store?"
And they said, "No."
And I said, "Why?"
And they said, "Because you're not ready.
We're gonna be setting you up for failure."
That's what they said.
They said, "If we send you to the Rack,
we're gonna be setting you up..."
Or, "If we send you to the full line store,
we're gonna be setting you up for failure."
And I said, "That's bullshit."
I said, "I know I'm ready for the full line store.
I don't want to continue to get paid $10 an hour
when I know I could be making more."
And I met people from the full line store
that would come buy stuff 'cause they got
a discount at the Rack.
And they would tell me stories about,
"Oh yeah, we make 25 to $35 an hour commission."
I'm like, "Fuck, what am I doing here at $10 an hour?"
I know I'd be a good salesperson over there.
And they said, "Oh, we're setting you up for failure."
And then I realized oh, this is called corporate politics.
This is where they don't want me to leave
because I'm one of the only,
they had such a high turnover right there at that store.
They don't want me to leave because
I'm a good employee and consistent employee
and everyone else doesn't even show up on time and stuff.
And I was like, oh, I get what's going on here.
And that's when I first learned about corporate politics.
So then what I said is I said, okay, I bought a suit.
I went to the full line store
and I went to the women's shoe department
because I worked at women's shoes at the Rack
and I said I want to talk to the store manager.
Her name was Laurie Joe.
I said, "I wanna talk to the store manager."
They said, "Okay, it's gonna be like a 20 minute wait."
I said, "Okay, that's fine."
So I sat there for 20 minutes.
I waited for the store manager to come.
When the store manager came I said,
"Hello, my name's Aaron and I work at the Rack
and I want to transfer over here.
I'm very motivated, I think I'm gonna be a great salesperson
and I'm super excited about that.
And I would love to transfer over here and bring my talents
to the brass plum shoe apartment."
And she said okay.
And then I said, I actually told her,
I said I think they don't want me coming over here
because they know I'm a solid employee
and that's just what I think and blah blah blah.
So then what they did, what she said, she said,
"Okay, I'll talk to them, I'll figure it out."
Couple days later I'm at the work, my job at the Rack.
They call me into the office and they say,
"Well, you're transferring to the full line store
and we're not happy about it."
Blah blah blah.
And it became this whole thing.
But I was able to get over because I took the initiative,
because I chose my own meaning and I was persistent.
I went over there and then it also wired in my mind,
oh I'm somebody that can like, there's always a way.
In your life there's always a way for you to show up
in a new way, to transform your sense of identity.
When I started making daily videos on YouTube
that completely changed my sense of perception about myself.
That was me being in my own frame.
And if you stick to your frame, you don't have to just say,
someone says no and you say okay.
It's like you wanna live your purpose
and you start living your purpose
and then someone else says no.
And you say, "Okay, I guess I'm not living my purpose."
Or something doesn't happen right away and you say okay.
But remember reality is a reflection of who you're being.
And if you're experiencing an old reflection,
you can't look to the mirror for change.
You have to look for the change within your,
you have to be the change.
Now ironically to finish that loop of that story,
the brass palm shoe thing,
they told me they were setting me up for failure.
I worked there for like two or three months.
I ended up working there for five years.
I worked there for two or three months.
And then there was this award
that was given out called the All Star.
It means you give great customer service.
So at one of the first meetings where it's a store meeting
where even the Rack managers come.
Not the Rack people but the Rack managers come
to the store meeting, the full line store.
They came to the full line store, they were sitting there
and then I got called up as an all star, which means I got
this little freaking gold thing next to my name.
And it was like I gave great customer service
and I was one of the most like,
it was a moment where basically I got called out
and recognized or whatever for being a great salesperson.
I remember looking at them
and thinking did you set me up for failure, you know?
So it kind of came full circle.
But one of the most magnetic qualities you can have is to be
in your own frame to choose the meanings you give things.
And the question I ask you is
when it comes to attractive energy are you doing
what you love for a living?
Are you passionate?
Are you moving in a specific direction?
Are you taking no for an answer
the moment something happens.
Realize that you get in life
a reflection of who you are being.
And when you are being the most magnetic version of you,
it means you're doing your passion.
It means you're following your vision.
You're living by your own integrity
and you're not letting other people tune you.
And like put you off track onto something else.
That's what really changes everything.
Now one of the most powerful ways to transform
to the most magnetic version of you is something
I call the map, the magnetic activation process.
There's a free video that shows you step by step how to go
through the map, how to become the most magnetic version
of you from the inside out.
How to create that identity shift in yourself.
And you can click the link below to check it out.
Or go to aarondoughty.com/map, M-A-P.
And if you want to understand or learn the five secrets
to letting go that make you magnetic AF,
it's one of my most popular videos,
check this video out right here.
Five secrets to letting go that will make you
more attractive and that will
completely transform your life.
And when you start applying them, it changes everything
because you start realizing who you really are
and you start letting go of what you are not.
So this video is something that can plant the seed.