- Hello, Ian Hecox here of Frog Kingdom to Fame.
Today, I am interviewing some of my exes.
I already got my nervous poop out, so I think I'm ready.
- Hello, Papa. It's been so very long since I've seen you.
I hope you're as filled with joy as I am. (coughs)
- I'm so sorry. What's your name?
- It's me, your son, Lucian.
- No pictures, please. No pictures.
No pictures, please. No pictures.
Hey, hey, hey! No pictures.
Stop rolling. Right there, sir.
Does that feel comfortable for you, sir?
You must recognize your ex, yes? This is Mr. Bowl Cut.
- This is just my bowl haircut?
- This is your sentient bowl haircut. Sir, I'm very sorry.
- Oh, there he is.
Oh boy.
(crew member laughing)
Give me some love.
All right.
I am Dave Dilford.
I am the former CEO of Defy Media.
Used to be this guy's boss.
I used to run Smosh, but you know, at Defy,
we really defied expectations
and unfortunately we also defied our investors.
And so...
- I hate how much you've nailed the shirt.
(crew member laughing)
- Uh, okay.
- What did you like about me?
- Papa, I love how you usually remembered to feed me
before you left me at the station.
Life is glorious.
(crew members laughing)
- Well, he liked your big, big head is what he said.
He liked your big, big head.
He said that you fit together like the body and a hat
of Toad from Mario.
Kind of like this?
- Yeah, I do have a big head.
- Well, I think what attracted me to Smosh was, you know,
I saw Smosh as just this, it was so funny.
I feel like the whole motto that Smosh gave off was,
you know, growing up is weird.
And I felt like we needed something that had a demo
of, you know, seven or eight-year-olds.
And I really wanted to hone in
on making giggles for eight-year-olds.
And I feel like we really did that.
I feel like we really made some giggles for eight-year-olds.
- This is legit triggering.
(crew members laughing) (Dave laughing)
- Remind me about our first date.
- One morning, we woke up and swooped me to the side
and we looked in the mirror.
We looked in the mirror for a long time.
We got a little excited. Maybe a little too excited.
Then because of that, we got a little sleepy again.
- Yeah, we got really sleepy. You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- Well, when I first met you, you know,
because I took over as CEO.
I remember you guys were writing in the writer's room.
I came by and I just was like, I was like,
"Hey, you know, I'm pretty funny."
And I was like, "What if we did a sketch where maybe,
you know, Ian, you're on roller blades,
but you don't have a roller blade.
So it's just, maybe it's 10 minutes of you just kind of..."
(Dave groans)
- No, I think you suggested an elephant.
- I did suggest an elephant.
You know, what if we have maybe...
- You suggested an elephant.
- What if Shane was talking to an elephant?
- Yeah.
- And then we had speech bubbles
for what the elephant was saying back.
(crew member laughing)
- That's something I actually did pitch.
- Yeah.
- That's something that I said to your face. (laughs)
(crew member laughing)
- Why did we break up?
- Oh, you were called off to great business.
You had to fight in the Great War.
The ad-pocalypse, as they call it.
So you left me at the station
and said you'd be back very soon,
but I found you first, didn't I?
- Yeah. Hmm. (Lucian coughs)
Your cough okay?
- It's certainly gotten worse with the times.
Scarlet fever, they're saying.
- Really? (chuckles)
- I don't know if it would say it was a breakup.
It's more of a murder attempt.
I don't know if you remember the scissors incident.
It was very traumatic, but luckily with the magic of life,
he was able to get himself together.
Did you see him suck back together into a little ball?
- No, I walked away. I couldn't bear it.
- We ran out of money
and didn't tell anyone that
you were getting fired.
So that's when they found out.
But that's, you know, I think that's,
like I said, growing up is weird.
- What's your favorite memory of us?
- One time I was under the table where I am to belong
and to not be seen and heard, as you've said,
and a scrap of your meal had fallen by your feet and ankles.
I said, "Papa, Papa," tugging on your coat tails.
"You seem to have dropped a morsel of food."
You looked at me and then you continued your conversation
with whoever you were with. - I did.
(crew members laughing)
- Do you remember when you two got absolutely obliterated
on Garnier Fructis?
- Oh, yeah.
- You guys took a bunch of shots together
and he got so wasted and you got so poisoned
is what I'm hearing.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And Poison Control was wild.
- Every moment at Defy was my favorite moment.
That's how it was for me
and I think that's how it was for everyone else.
You know, it was like a sailboat or,
you know, more like a big boat, like the Titanic.
- Great analogy.
- Yeah.
- What was our worst fight about?
- I've always wanted to be
something of a performer, like Papa.
I one time tried dancing and you made it quite clear
that that wasn't the thing to do.
- Well, just for everyone at home,
I'll allow you to dance just this once.
Stop. I've seen enough.
- Thank you, Papa.
- There was one night where you two stayed up all night,
arguing about which direction the cut should sweep.
That was probably the worst, that and the hit and run,
but we don't want to talk about that.
- Well, I don't know.
We're never gonna be back in Tucson, so I think we're okay.
- Okay, well he thinks you should have stopped.
- The thing is, Ian, I think it's time for us
to start a new company together.
I think we should collab again
and maybe we can make a business that'll go viral.
- Oh.
- [Dave] I have some cards here.
- Oh, okay.
- So if you wanna...
- Yeah, sure.
(crew member laughing)
What are some cool hip names for our new company?
- I was thinking, you know, Defy sounded nice,
but it wasn't cool.
- [Ian] Yeah.
- You know, it wasn't legit.
Which has made me think maybe Legit Media
or, you know, we're trying to appeal
to a certain demographic.
Teen Media. Madea Goes to Jail.
(crew members laughing) (Ian laughing)
- Where would our HQ be?
- I'm thinking maybe Times Square. The Las Vegas strip.
Someplace with rent that's astronomical,
but here's a fun tip.
You don't have to pay it.
(crew members laughing) (Dave laughing)
- The last question that you wrote on here.
- Yes.
- It just says, "You are extremely cool."
- (sighs) Thank you, Ian.
That means a lot for you to say.
- Your tears were more believable
when the company went under.
(Dave laughing) (crew members laughing)
So this is the last question,
then it's back to the station for you.
- I'm waiting.
- If you had the last word, what would you say?
- I love you.
- You should probably go.
- I think it's for the best.
- Yeah.
- I miss you quite terribly, Papa.
- You must.
- You're a wonderful Papa.
- I am.
Exit's that way.
Always a disappointment.
- I would say keep it real and you know,
shut up.
- It's been so nice to see you.
- Yes.
Oh!
And that's a wrap.
(claps) Great. Most legit.
- Based on a true story.
- No, shh. I know what you want.
He wants to get up there one last time. Come on, please.
- I swore I'd never.
- Look at him.
- Oh.
- Put him on.
(Ian sighs)
- (beep) it.
Oh.
Ohh!
- I can just go.
Yeah, I'll let you do that.
Hey, didn't need to see that up close.
- Well, that's me interviewing my exes.
What the (beep).
Let us know in the comments who you want
to see interview their exes.
This has been a harrowing experience for me.
Me and him gotta get some private time, so...
(beep)
♪ My ex's wedding vows ♪
- [Man] Shut up!
(upbeat music)