*Nail porn with music that will make your parents look at you weird while you are watching this*
Holo (hello) everyone, it's me, Cristine
and I've got a special friend with me today
It's a robot! Oh, I just realized you can see a video of this video *hehehe*
Look at that, it's called Simplynailogical-ception.
Not too long ago one of you actually suggested that I review this robot.
What's it called again? Easy Nails nail spa. Paints your nails for you.
Well, great cuz I need a lot of help with that
I do kinda wish I was as happy as this b*tch though
When I searched for this I saw
that a five-year-old reviewed it on YouTube already
But you can't trust a five year old to review a robot
I'm sorry. You need an elder like me
I have 27 years of experience playing with robots and toys
That sounds weird Cristine...
And tip number 47 on how to keep your nails long and strong
Get other people to do things for you
This is how you open a box
You have to take the tab thing out
Obviously
Don't break it! You're gonna break it!
Careful!
*Angelic noises*
Thank you Ben. Your services are now completed
You can go now *laughs*
It's still stuck on the inside
BEN... I think he left
*cries*
Guess I'll have to figure it out myself. It wasn't working
*box sounds*
*excited noise*
I did it
Well, he did it
Same thing
This kinda looks like a kettle
Like, would you like some tea with that?
Okay
I didn't even look at the back. Fashionable painted nails in under 10 minutes
We'll see about that. I think I've learned a lot
Let's begin *crashing sound*
Don't need that anymore. Work!
How do you work?
Should probably read the instructions
Wait a second, do five-year-olds even read?
These instructions don't say anything about parental supervision
How to install and replace batteries *realization dawns*
Look at me
I'm a female using a tool
Careful now!
*Sings jeopardy theme music*
Ahh!
*robot sounds*
Press the button on the side of the robot arm and pull the brush out
What the **** are you even saying?
Oh! There we go
Ok well let's start off with pink
Cuz I'm playing a five-year-old today
You see this? I should probably raise it up
Hold on let me get a book
Lolita
Oh good
Every five-year-old should read that
Press the pink button to move the arm into the dip position
It's not working
Work!
I can't get it to work...
Yes I put the batteries in
I don't think adults review this kind of thing
Starbucks. Starbucks would be great
Thank you Says press the pink button to move the arm into the dip position
Is there another pink button I'm missing?
Are these buttons?
*robot noises*
Guess I didn't need Ben after all *laughs*
K so apparently I gotta change the battery. You see that?
I'm gonna go do that. And I'm gonna get a second camera
So you can get a two-way, double-angle, dual-action view
Of the robotics that will be going on
Shortly
Okay we're back. Now let's try this again
I figured it out
I was doing it wrong
Proud!
Yes the nails on one of my hands is yellow.
Just one hand. Just that one. Not this one.
Here. You can see it better now
So I think this is just proof that only one of my hands is a crack addict
How do I do this again?
Yaaas
I did it
Hair down look was cute and all, but I should probably put it up
Because that's what real people who work with robots do
In the labs. They put their hair up for safety reasons
Now that I figured out what to do
*robot noises*
Wait. Come back *laughs*
Ok. Ready? Paint!
Paint robot, paint
I don't understand what it's supposed to do
Go down on my nail
K but how do you, like, get my whole nail?
*Laughs* Shit. Oh I got it. Wow. This sucks
I see. I see, it's like a, technique thing
I think we need fresh polish
Because this polish is, like, disgusting.
I'm not even trying to make this robot do a bad job. It's just not doing what it's supposed to do
It's like in that movie I, Robot where the robots turn against the humans and start killing them
Maybe I should be careful what I say
K, let's take the purple
Get in there. At least I know what I'm doing this time
Ahh. That's why they came with these
Put dirty brushes in a bowl of warm water and wipe clean with a warm, damp cloth
Yeah, I don't think that warm water will clean off nail polish
Unless this isn't actually nail polish...
Smells like nail polish
Whatever, I don't really care because I'm gonna throw this in the garbage as soon as I'm done with this video *cries*
Place your parts quickly, robot. You could be replaced, remember that!
That's what they tell me at my job *cries*
Okay, let's do this again. Purple nail!
*Malfunctioning, scary sounding robot noises*
Stop!
What's happening?!
*Robot noises*
*Laughs*
Why don't you go in the hole?
That's right.
Get in there!
Paint my nail, you're so close. Why won't you paint it?
There... sort of.
So I feel like, they could have designed this better.
Here's my first real feedback.
If they made the arm move when you actually press this button down then that would be easier to, like, make it go.
The fact that I have to do this,
And move my hand,
That's like, a lot of coordination
All at the same time
How many hands do you think I have?
Honestly, I'm getting a finger cramp.
*Singing* Mister Roboto! Mister Roboto!
This is my jam!
I mean, this is your jam!
You're not gettin' in the mood, are ya? No.
K, well this turned out terrible so I'm just gonna try my own nail polish now.
Obviously a holo will preform better.
It would be great if there was a robot that could do my makeup,
because then it would actually probably do a better job than I can at my face
Taking you over, robot. I'm taking over your brain.
Okay, let's paint my other hand because this hand is too fab.
Way too fab!
I swear, a five year old could paint better than this with their own hands.
Go down, into the robot portal.
Playmode engaged.
Alright, now here's the test if its gonna f*** up my Color Club nail polish, because I will kill you if you screw with my holo!
*Robot noises*
*Laughs*
It... It shot out, look at that! You just robot came... on yourself.
Are we ready? Yes. Are we yellow? Yes.
*Robot noises*
Continue! Continue!
*Robot noises*
This robot can't paint a straight line. How hard is it for you, I don't understand.
Pick up that mess you made!
K I'm honestly giving up hope.
Should've invented a robot to clean this.
Robot, you do not preform all the tasks I require you to do.
K, well that's sorta clean, heh.
Go, go gadget, go!
Straight line! Straight! Straight!
Oh, I found the trick! Just use the arm and paint it yourself.
Yaas!
Cristine you're a genius!
Not so bad, not so bad *cries*
Up!
It's an act of God.
K, let's try another color.
*Sarcastically* 'Cause this is so much fun.
*Singing* Plug it in, plug it in.
F***, f***, f***
*Surprised noise*
Did you just see that? It just picked up the bottle!
It's already starting to turn on me.
One more time, you can do it!
You missed the tip! Go back!
Get her. Yeah, there you go.
F****** beautiful.
K, well I'm too lazy to change any more colors, so we're just gonna continue on with this blue.
F***, no, that's the wrong button!
I feel bad, 'cause I'm wasting so much holo.
Says the girl who makes nail porns.
There's cat hair in there... again.
Let's be friends! I don't like this relationship, it's so hostile!
I feel like I just need to accept that this robot can only do a terrible job
Yeah, it's definitely easier if I don't use the robot part.
Let's just finish it up that way.
Get in the bottle!
I'm ruining my bottle of nail polish for this
Put it down! F***!
We're gonna do this, and we're gonna do it right. So, f****** cooperate.
*Distressed noise*
The only thing this can do is paint your nails (or try to paint your nails) but it can't do gradients or anything
It definitely can't do a watermarble... Can you do a watermarble? Hello? Hello? Hello? Siri, are you there?
We've got some glitter... and it's not holo... great...
Got some cute little heart... gem things.
Was that it? Is that actually all that came with this?
Just give a little tap... just a little tap...
Oh s***, that was not a little tap. At all.
Know what, I think that actually looks better than the paint job.
Let's just do my whole hand, why not.
K well now I have a mess everywhere
Let's continue.
Little dab there, just a little dab.
Wish I was doing the real dab, you know, the gradient dab.
Perfect!
Well, I think we did a fabulous job at doing our nails.
Thank you, robot, for starring in my video today. Couldn't have done it without you.
And here's the final look. It's beautiful.
How would you like it if someone paints all over you? Lets find out.
*Singing* Oh yeah, puttin' holo on you!
Menchie's holo, to be exact.
Yeah, all the flakies! Oh s***, I'm making a mess. Oh I'm spilling everywhere, I'm sorry!
Beautiful. Shifts in different lights, too.
Oh yeah, look at that. You look like you're ready for prom.
I'm gonna do a little bit of what I do best, and that's gradients.
Dab dab dab to make you fab.
Every time I do this, the sparkles like fly everywhere *laughs*
Happy New Year!
Holo, it's robo.
Oh yeah, how you like being dripped all over?
I would recommend this product to five year olds, as something to paint in their spare time.
Grass is greener on the robot head.
So I'm just gonna paint a circle here so everyone remembers where to plug into the matrix.
Menchie what do you think of this? *In lower pitched voice* That's bulls*** mom, that's bulls***.
There's a dog here too and the dog wants to play with Menchie but I don't think she's having it.
She's like, *in high pitched voice* 'Get away from me you other species!'
I'll protect your butthole.
Get off me!
Get off!
Time to finish what I was doing here.
We're gonna do it with nail polish, the old fashioned way.
Can you read that? It says 'Stupid.'
And now add a quick-dry top coat, because we're gonna add nail vinyls next!
I'm just kidding, I'm not wasting my nail vinyls on this peice of junk.
I'm glittering! I'm like Edward Cullen in the sun *hisses*
*Coughs* Just kidding *Coughs again*
DIE, ROBOT! DIE! *laughs*
Let that be a lesson to all of you.
Okay, I think I've gotten my revenge, now having completely destroyed you.
And I've concluded that only I should be painting my own nails.
Because surely, even a child can paint better nails than this.
I mean, I see proof of that every day on Instagram.
How about you just let your kid practice how to paint his or her nails.
Because that's typically how you learn things in life.
Thanks so much for watching this really informative video, I hope you learned a lot, I'm sure you did.
Please remember to subscribe to my channel so you can catch all of my great nail tutorials that I paint myself.
And for other random useless s*** like this video.
Thanks so much for watching and I'll see y'all later, bye!
Get outta here, I'm done with you.
Even more nail porn with even more music that will make your parents look at you weird while you are watching this