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Hello, friends. I want to wish all the couples
a happy Valentine's Day.
I hope you all have a romantic evening
and your carriage ride around the park
is filled with horse farts.
I've been single for too long
because, you know, dating apps are digital dumpster diving.
The only thing that's got me through it
are romance novels.
Mmm! (kisses)
But not just any romance novel.
I'm talking about the unsung heroines
of the erotic: all the Black women
writing the best ones.
For example, the queen of Black historical romance,
Beverly Jenkins.
Just check out the passage from her novel Indigo,
which I imagine is read to me by Jesse Williams.
"She moved her hands over the strength of his back,
"kissing him,
"flicking her tongue against the edges of his lips,
"experimenting with the boldness
"his passion had planted within her
"while his hands beneath her gown toured lustily.
No man had ever touched her this way."
(exhales) Damn.
I remember the first time I read this,
I fell right out of my chair.
No, I slid out.
I love how she was flicking her tongue
against the edges of his lips.
Ooh, you know a writer is good if they make kissing sound sexy
even when it's wrong.
Like, don't be licking his lips,
Get that poor man some Chapstick.
Now, if you want to go a bit more old-school in your romance,
you can try Rubie Saunders.
She was best known for a series following Nurse Marilyn Morgan
and her steamy affairs with doctors.
The series was coming at you with some hot lines.
Hank was standing behind her now
and, somehow, his arms were around her waist.
Hank pressed close to her.
She could feel his breath on the back of her neck.
"I won't hurt you, honey,"
he murmured as his arms tightened around her.
They sank into the cushions,
together.
Shit!
Listen, everyone knows
that sinking into the cushion means good sex.
Or your couch is too old.
Either way, you're gonna be sore in the morning.
By the way, we would never have known many of these authors
if it wasn't for book publishers like Vivian Stephens.
She was groundbreaking,
not just because she sought out writers of color
who wrote about women with real depth
but also because she wasn't afraid
to publish explicit sex scenes.
She changed the game with her publishing company
Candlelight Ecstasy,
which is one of those terms that only belongs in a romance novel.
If you combine candlelight and ecstasy in real life,
you're gonna lose your eyebrows.
Stephens helped publish great authors like Sandra Kitt,
who wrote love stories featuring both Black and white characters.
So she referred to herself as a "switch hitter,"
which I feel like means something different now?
Is that when a dick is ambidextrous?
Like it can hold a pen with his left and his right testicle?
Anyway, one of Sandra Kitt's greatest contributions
was the novel Adam and Eva.
This novel is about Eva Duncan
escaping the death of her husband.
She takes a vacation to the Virgin Islands,
and basically by the time she leaves,
ha, they're just called "The Islands." (laughs)
What I like about Sandra's writing is how she evokes
the physical sensation of sex, and also the butts.
Just check out this passage.
"...when Maxwell's other hand made a sensuous journey
"up the back of one thigh,
"causing a quaking through the center of her body
"as he pressed her buttocks to bring her
"against his distinct, hard masculine form.
"She finally came... to her senses,
"pulling her mouth away with a gasp
and turning completely within the circle of his arms."
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Dulcé, I'm... finished.
Well, I wasn't.
Well, I guess that about raps it up for book club.
So when your single ass is curled up with a book
about people curling up with each other,
make sure not to forget the Black women that paved the way
for you to hear lines in your head like this.
"They could resist each other no longer.
"She in her robe, skin aglow, lips pursed.
"He hovered above her, lustful, yet firm,
whispering her name, 'Dulcé.'"
Ooh.
All right, Dulcé, really? Did you write this?
Dawg, great character. Didn't you go to acting school?
No.
Ah, self-taught.
Okay. I see you.
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