[CHEERING]
Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Ellen DeGeneres Show.
I'm your host, Tiffany Haddish.
Did y'all hear me say, welcome to The Ellen DeGeneres Show?
And did you hear me say that I'm the host, Tiffany Haddish?
[CHEERING]
Now, I'm like Ellen, but with less hair.
And that is the only difference between us.
Oh, and I like boys.
This is my second time hosting the show.
The first time went so well, I invited myself back.
You know what they say, once you go black, you never go back.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Ellen will be back tomorrow.
But I'm here now.
And it's my show.
That means I call the shots.
I want shots.
I want a vodka shot right now.
That's right.
Thank you, boo.
Mm.
Ah, here you go.
Now that I'm loose, let's get real.
I'm really good at giving advice.
I don't know if that's true but I like giving it.
So we going to do that.
All right, we going to give some advice today.
So I'm going to answer some questions from the audience.
This question is from Susan.
Where Susan at?
Susan?
Hey, Susan.
Right here.
Hi, girl.
Right here.
Hi, Tiffany.
Hey, what's your question?
What advice would you give to someone
in a long-distance relationship and how do you make it work?
Oh, girl, that's easy.
OK.
Make them move to you or you move to them.
That's it.
Come together.
OK, here's one from Denise.
Where's Denise at?
Denise?
Hey, Denise.
Hi.
Hey, Tiffany, hey.
Hey, she ready.
All right, yes.
What's your question, Denise?
OK, my question is about my hair.
It costs so much money to keep it looking this good.
I want to cut it.
I'm turning 65 next month.
And I think I want to get it cut.
What do you think?
I'm thinking everybody should shave their head once
in a lifetime, OK?
Even if you don't know what your head is looking like,
if it's not the way that you thought it would look, hey.
Yeah.
That's what God see.
And that's a blessing.
OK?
Yes.
Without your hair, that's the way God made you.
Check out your natural, godly appearance.
And approve of it.
OK.
Thank you.
Even if you got a egg head, whatever kind of head,
just love on it.
See yourself the way God sees you, one time in life.
OK, this next question is from Stacy.
Where Stacy at?
Stacy?
Hey.
I'm right here.
Hey, girl, hey.
What's your question, Stacy?
My question is, as a minority, how would I start a business?
OK, first of all, I'm going to tell you right now.
Don't label yourself as a minority.
Label yourself as a business owner.
Give the best service you can give your customers.
Work hard.
Also, it helps if you start a good business that's
going to make you rich.
You want to get rich, OK?
Right.
So start a business that makes sense,
that's going to make you rich.
And don't even think about minority.
Think about, I'm here to create something awesome
for the people.
And I'm about to get rich, bitch.
Don't let them put you in a minority box.
Don't let them put you in a box.
Now, this one is from Lisa.
Lisa, where are you?
Lisa?
Hey, Lisa.
You look good.
Hey, girl, hey.
Hi, how are you?
Thank you.
What's your question?
So my question is, how do I meet a guy my own age?
The guys my age all want a 20-something girl.
And the only guys who want me seem
to be young enough to be my children
or old enough to be my father or grandfather.
Mm-mm.
Well, what's wrong with the 20-something?
I'm just saying.
Let them spoil you.
If they're young, let them spoil you.
And don't knock the grandpas, OK?
They got the 401K.
And if you do date a 20-something or a 70-something,
make sure they're registered to vote.
And have some fun with them.
That's what I'm saying.
Now, I hope that helped.
I hope that helped.
And if it didn't, feel free to write a letter.
My address is PO Box 881962, Los Angeles, California, 90009.
That's my actual address.
Now, send a dollar because my birthday is coming up.
And I accept cash only.
Then you can put your question in there.
And also, send a stamp, if you want me to write back.
Make sure there's paper in there, in an envelope,
with a stamp inside.
Make it easy for me and I'll make it easy for you
as long as it's a dollar in there and I'll write you back.