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My name is Ron Ailman, I was diagnosed with cancer in 2007. I was absolutely devastated
by the news. I’ve heard such a lot. So many people one in three, one in five, get cancer. I always
thought I wouldn’t be one of them. I didn’t really know if I’d see the grandchildren
grow up and those kind of things mean such a lot to me, being a family man. And all the
times we’ve had at Christmas time and the happy times I thought was being taken away
from me. My name’s Linda and I’m Ron’s wife.
Before cancer came along I was just an ordinary housewife looking after the house, children,
my grandchildren and just doing ordinary everyday things. Ron did all the financial decisions
in the house, he dealt with all the bills, he dealt with any phone calls we had, I didn’t
do anything on that side. Going from being a working lad and my wife,
coming in at night and having my tea, to wondering what the hell was going wrong with me. It really
did put a heavy strain on our marriage, but one thing she started to say to me is ‘look,
we’re a family, we’ve always got through things together as a family and we’ll get
through this together as a family.’ When Ron became ill, obviously I tried to
protect him, so I took over all the roles that he did as well as my own things. Trying
to protect him, I don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not, I just didn’t
want him to worry about anything else other than just getting better.
Prior to that I was the strong one, I thought, in the family and I’d become the weakest
one. My wife, she’d go to the forefront and become the strongest one.
I haven’t been able to let go of my emotions like I should have been able to because I’ve
tried to protect all my family, my children, as well as my grandchildren in the fear that
if they thought that I couldn’t cope emotionally they would crumble.
When Ron was at his worse, when I was nursing him at the beginning, there were times when
I could have screamed because sometimes he was so ungrateful for things, ordinary things
that you were doing for him. I needed to put my arm around her, I needed
to kiss her, I needed to love her because I was hurting the one I love most and she
was my life. But I found I couldn’t do it at first but the stronger we got together
the more I could go back before I said I loved her, I could put my arm around her and kiss
her on the cheek and things started to get stronger that way.
He had time to reflect on the day and think, he knew exactly what he’d done and how he’d
made me feel so he would apologise and he never went to sleep without kissing me and
saying he was sorry, that he didn’t mean it and I know in my heart that he didn’t
mean it. I have a neighbour named Sue who lives down
the bottom of the cul-de-sac and when she heard I had cancer, she broke down, put her
arms around me and kissed me and wished me all the best. At times it was something I
needed so I was really grateful for what she was doing and how she was reacting in her
way and recently she’s just been diagnosed with breast cancer and me and Linda went down
to see her and she’s quite a strong girl, the strongest of the two, her and Mel. But
I noticed Mel was absolutely devastated and I think one of the things that’s brought
it home to me and especially now I’m stronger, is that cancer touches everybody in your family
in different ways. I think friends and family should always look at everybody in the family
and not just the patient. I really, heart of hearts, believe that there’s more than
one person suffering. The grandchildren have actually been my outlet,
I’ve done swimming with them, I’ve done ordinary things with my grandchildren so that’s
been my escape really. Just having my granddaughter come to hospital
with me and seeing her face at the door after I’d been for my treatment smiling, saying
‘come one granddad,’ did everything for me. It made me feel good and it gave me something
to hang on to and I’ll always remember the face at the glass window.
With the experience of cancer I have become very strong. I feel very strong emotionally,
I think anything can be thrown at me now and I could cope.
At the stage I’m at now, obviously going the right way with the cancer, I really look
back in my life and realise how important my family and friends are to me. It’s made
me realise what life’s all about and I now still have things to enjoy with the people
who supported me in life.
For information, help, or if you just want to chat,
call the Macmillan support line on 0808 808 00 00 or visit macmillan.org.uk