- Hey guys, so I just wanted to come clean
about my true eye color.
No, I'm just kidding. (record scratches)
Just kidding.
I found these left over from a video that I never filmed,
it was going to be, like, a contact lens video,
and it was boring,
so I was just gonna wear it for this video,
but it hurts so much, I need to take them out right now.
I feel like I've got literal lava daggers
stabbing into my eyes.
This was a failed experiment.
- [Narrator] 12 seconds later.
- Ah, my eyes can breathe.
Today we're going to tickle
some more of my pickle. (boing)
We're doing some more (laughs) I don't know why,
we're doing some more Animal Crossing!
I've had some exciting news on the grapevine.
What's a grapevine?
How can you listen through the vine of a grape?
Whatever, the vine went in my ear,
and I heard that you can catch betta fish
in Animal Crossing now,
which is exciting for me because I'm sure you already know,
I have a betta fish.
I was going to film this yesterday,
but apparently you can only catch it between,
like 11:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.,
so it's currently 2:00 p.m., so we've got two hours
to try and catch the betta fish.
Let's go.
(intense beeping)
(yawns)
Oh my God, my hair grew.
Is that how long it's been?
Phil was truly in quarantine.
He's back with a spiffy quiff.
Is that a sign that I was away for too long?
All right, let's do a tour of my house.
First of all, I've got my creepy gnome, Jeff,
(dissonant orchestra hit)
who can scare burglars away.
I don't want to brag about my flower garden,
but it's the best thing I've ever seen.
Interflora is quaking.
I've got, I've got chrysanthemums, I've got tulips,
I've got these things.
Then here I've got a hybrid pink flower,
which you get from crossbreeding to other flowers diagonally
or something, I don't know.
I did it, I'm proud of it.
And for all you pear haters out there,
I know there's a lot of you,
I've now got cherry trees, so you can shut up.
And I've got my two palm trees down here.
Little tropical moment.
I am rocking this galaxy jacket and purple shorts combo.
Phil from 2013 would be proud.
I've also got these Elton John-style glasses
for when Phil hits the clubs.
And then come into my abode.
The first present an animal gave me was a urinal,
so now I can pee in the corner of my room.
I mean, do you need a bathroom?
I was saying, 'cause you just pee outside.
And we've got some terrifying,
Darth Vader-lookin' washer/dryer here.
An Apple TV, my friend Brian, he gave me, what's on the TV?
Joe Exotic.
Apple should take note, if TVs actually looked like this,
I think everyone would buy an Apple TV.
This house plan is feng shui up the wazoo.
I love that so much,
I think that might be my favorite piece in the whole house.
A Newton's cradle, just because I couldn't resist.
Then, freaking me out a lot, but also incredible,
I've got a hamster.
What is this,
if this freaking hamster's walking around in jeans?
I don't get it,
but it's cute and it reminds me of my younger years
of being a hamster breeder.
We have gears on the wall,
I don't know what that's powering,
I don't know what it's for,
but I don't want to take it off the wall now
in case the whole island collapses like a "Lost" scenario.
My bed is a big gay hammock,
which I wish I had in real life.
Don't know why I randomly hung a spotty T-shirt on the wall.
Just because you can doesn't mean you should.
Not a fan of the walls.
I haven't had a good wallpaper option yet,
so we're going to decorate a bit.
So that's my house so far, I hope you like it,
progress is being made.
I also got about 20 comments saying,
"Phil, you need to weed, if I see one more weed,
"I'm going to unsubscribe."
So there you go.
You can eat your dinner off my lawn.
I hope you're happy.
What the F is that?
Hello.
Is that a frog?
Is that not an animal?
(duck quacks)
Oh, maybe it's a net.
A net, get inside my net.
Ooh, what are you?
Yas, I caught a diving beetle.
Now I'm making a splash.
Also, if you look at the map in the corner,
I now have five residents on my island.
Yo, Hazel, speak of the devil.
Ah, let's do laughter.
You ready?
Oh my God.
(deep, evil laughter)
"That's what laughing from the gut looks like!
"Really clears the head, give it a whirl!"
All right, let's test it out.
Okay, that was a bit less terrifying than Hazel's.
Sorry, Hazel, you know I mean well.
But what I'm saying is I have new residents.
I've now got five islanders.
Last one we met was posh Rhonda, the rhino,
so let's see who else we can find.
Egbert is a chicken who always looks a bit anxious.
(laughs) He's got the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I don't know what he's manically hammering.
Do we want to ask?
Do we want to leave?
Is it like a horror movie
where we just walked in on something
and then he's like, "You can't leave now, Phil."
"Hey, it's Phil!
"I haven't seen you in a long time!"
"I'm still the same old me.
"I know for sure because I wrote my name
"in all of my underwear!"
Good to know that you're writing in your underwear, Egbert.
"Um, watch your step, okay?"
What are you doing?
Not murdering people, "I'm making a bone doorplate."
(ominous music)
What hell, he's cut up one of the other animals,
he's making a doorplate out of their bones.
"One of the bugs on the floor whispered the DIY instructions
"in my ear while I was sleeping last night."
What does that mean?
"So I gotta build it before I forget what it even is!"
I think we should just back away slowly,
because Egbert is freaking terrifying.
"Check it out!
"Plans for a bone doorplate!"
What, do I want a bone doorplate?
I don't want to say no to you.
(heavy breathing)
"Those clothes are so spiffy,
"ya look like a fancy cake a restaurant's gotta keep
"in a tall glass case."
Don't put me in a glass case, Egbert!
But you got some fancy-ass juice like you see in a hotel,
so it's not all bad.
I mean, there's no cups,
so I'm just pouring all over the floor.
But you mean well.
Don't want to look in your oven.
Bye!
He's cute, a little serial killer energy hurt no one.
(heavy breathing)
All right, where are my other dragons?
What the frick am I doing, I need to be catching this fish.
I'm so easily distracted, why?
Okay, I heard it's in a river.
Does this count as a river?
Yeah, and we need to look for a tiny little fish.
(ominous beeping)
(epic music)
I haven't seen any fish.
Maybe Egbert cut them all up.
Let's go further downstream.
Maybe he's in the sun.
Nope.
Why is there so many freaky beetles on the water now?
All right, I want everyone to close their eyes
and send betta fish vibes into my river.
If you don't do it, I'm not your friend, ooh.
Did you do it?
Because here we have a fish.
I think it might be too big though.
Yurp, nah, what are you?
(honk)
Get out of my face.
Ooh, close, a bluegill.
Well, at least it's blue.
We've made some progress.
No, get out of my life.
Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh.
This has gotta be it.
Come on, come on.
Loach!
More like noach!
Meh, meh, meh.
Come on, come on, come on. (gasps)
(suspenseful game music)
I thought it was a betta fish!
(honk)
A pale chub?
More like pale snub.
My God, it's been like, 45 minutes.
Just give me my Norman.
If I see one more loach,
I'm going to throw myself in the river.
(crickets chirping)
No, no, no!
Nibble nib, nibble nib, nibby nibby-dip!
No!
How many pale chubs are in this river?
Are you trying to murder me?
We've got 25 minutes before 4:00 p.m.,
I'm starting to sweat.
Phil's arm is aching.
Let's just find this fish.
Meh.
No!
Come on, please please, come on, come on.
(honk)
Are you kidding?
Are you having an actual laugh?
We've got 14 minutes left and I'm catching rocks now.
Please.
No.
10 minutes, guys.
(laughs) I don't think it's happening.
I'm giving up hope.
I don't even think it's real.
I think they're all,
what is that, there's a frickin' great white shark,
but there's no betta fish.
F you, loach!
This is it.
This is not it. (cries)
One minute to go.
Oh my God, right, come on.
Tiny fish.
Norman, if you're out there, now's the time.
Can you hear me through the Nintendo waves?
(suspenseful game music)
This one, come on, come on.
(gasps)
No!
(dissonant music) I thought it was a betta fish,
it looks exactly the same as Norman!
Why would you do this?
How could it be so cruel?
I'm gonna eat my own tongue.
Can we just pretend that was a betta fish?
It's over.
Two hours, two hours of my life.
I didn't even scare any fish away.
This is Sparta.
I can't believe it, I actually can't believe it.
I feel sick, I feel sad, my island is now covered in trash
because I hooked so much trash.
The moral of the story is,
you can't have everything you want,
and betta fish are really hard to catch in Animal Crossing.
Okay, it's fine.
It's not fine, it's fine.
It's really not.
We had fun along the way, didn't we?
(epic music)
I feel like it was more rare that I didn't encounter one
after all that time.
Right, I'm going to sell all these fishies.
I hate you all.
Get in the bin, never want to see you again.
Ooh, 4,000 Bells, not bad.
All right, I'm quite fond of this flamingo.
Mr. Flamingo.
Yes, I would like that, thank you.
I really want some new wallpaper.
Give me that sexy wall.
Oh, great, the same wall I've already got.
Rammed-earth?
Is that meant to look like you cut through some soil
and these are all the time periods of Earth?
I kind of like it more than the yellow.
Let's see what it looks like.
Ooh, I like this, green paint floor.
Yes.
All your other items are trash, so I'm off.
Present.
What is this?
Ooh, a glass holder with candle, that's cute.
My other new resident is this pig violently attacking Lyman
with a stick.
Look at those death eyes.
"You have a different vibe about you.
"Have you been having adventures without me?"
Sorry, I went to play Final Fantasy, I left you in the dust.
"Well, whatever!
"Welcome back!
"And no more disappearing on me, 'kay?"
They're making me feel so guilty.
"I want to catch a bug off a tree stump
"because I signed up to a weird challenge,
"but I can't do it, so I don't know.
"Can you catch me a bug you found on a stump?"
Yeah, I can, no problem!
Sorry, there's no bugs on this stump, Truffles.
You're gonna have to deal without.
Rhonda!
"I've been wondering when I'd run into you again
"since I moved here.
"I might never have done that
"if you hadn't made me feel so welcome on your island,
"bigfoot."
Oh!
I love you, Rhonda.
Make rhino babies with me.
"Your home is so cozy!
"There's a lot of appeal in smaller spaces."
Shade. (laughs)
"Less to clean, motivation and to avoid clutter.
"Pretty clever, if you ask me."
Well, Rhondy, I'm gonna put some more stuff
in my garden now.
I'm gonna put Mr. Flamingo here.
Yes, perfect.
Let's see how this flooring looks.
That's cool.
Oh, I love this.
Let's try this rammed earth.
Ooh, that actually looks pretty sweet,
it's like a beach house.
What about this one?
That looks a bit like a disco toilet.
I'm not a fan of that.
Then I'll put my candle here,
though that might be quite dangerous if I got out of bed
and then set my feet on fire.
It's worth the risk for the aesthetic.
I got mail.
Ooh, a present from my mum.
"My dear Phil, the smell of trees and freshly cut grass."
This isn't my real mum, by the way, this is the game mum.
And a present from the Bank of Nook
'cause they've reduced interest rates.
Oh, Happy Home Academy, rank A!
It's like Christmas, this.
I've got Mum's knapsack.
That is very frilly and whimsical.
Thanks, Mum.
And then we've got a,
(laughs) I thought that said ball-bag rug.
A bell-bag rug.
And also, a world map.
I need a rug, actually,
let's get this bell bag on the floor.
That is horrible.
That looks like a Scrooge McDuck rug.
No.
Let's put the world map on the wall though.
Ooh, apparently Animal Crossing takes place
on this actual earth.
Lore dump.
So what did the Happy Home Academy give me?
A double sofa?
Do I have space for that?
Oh, amazing.
That has improved the room so much.
Lyman's just sat in my garden eating a donut.
"Did you get to hang out with your buddy Dan the other day,
"chips?"
Yeah, I went to Dan's island!
"Wow, kayaking all the way from Danando's."
That is what Dan called his island, the Isle of Danando's.
I've got so many Nook Miles, what could I get?
Brick well, simple well, my own little onsen!
I love that.
I kind of want the outdoor bath.
No!
I mean, I have to own this.
Yes, redeem.
Oh, it's a little Japanese drink vending machine.
With the little hot coffees.
I totally want that,
and then all my animals could have warm coffee
as they walk around.
A phone box.
How British, although it's not red.
Also, you don't want to go into one of the British ones
'cause they're filled with weird sex things.
(record scratches) Wait, no, wait.
I could have had a Godzilla statue,
but I bought a recipe for a robot?
I was too, oh, I'm so spontaneous,
I need to just see all the options first.
It's fine.
Give me thousands of Nook Miles.
Let's craft an Evangelion.
Okay, I need a rocket, just casually.
How do you get a rocket?
Gold armor?
Right, I guess this is the endgame thing.
At least I've got it in my inventory
so I can slowly save up over the years.
I'm regretting not getting Godzilla now.
Rhonda, give me 5,000 Nook Miles.
I'm trying to catch a stump bug for Truffles.
Yeah, (gasps) there we go.
Stealth mode activate.
Oh, putting this tree here was a mistake,
'cause now I can't see where the stump is.
No!
(emotional string music)
I am so unlucky with everything today.
- [Narrator] Later.
- (gasps) Right, okay, Lyman, don't make me mess it up.
Sneak mode activated.
Now! Yes!
Citrus long-horned beetle!
Orange you happy for me?
Nice, right.
Oi, you better give me a golden pig.
"Let me give you something to say thank you."
(gasps) An outfit?
I'm going to wear it, whatever it is.
A track jacket!
(chiming)
Well, that's cool, I like that.
I mean, I'm not sporty in real life,
but Phil in Animal Crossing,
he might love a good squat.
I need to clean this trash away.
It's very embarrassing.
I also got some fences,
so I thought I could make my garden zone.
(upbeat music)
Stay off my land.
Let's have a look at the museum now.
Oh look, it's the fake Norman.
Traitor.
Embarrassing tank number one.
These fishes that are obviously plotting something,
they're all facing in the same direction.
I think this is the biggest fish I've got,
I'm very proud of my tuna.
Bow down to the tune.
And I have the most important fossil.
I mean, I'm not a scientist,
but that is 100% the yodeling pickle.
Well, I've got some more Nook Miles,
maybe we can do some more shopping.
If I get another 100 Miles,
I can have the Godzilla, capture a memory.
Sure, whatever.
Let's do it.
Let's get a sexy filter and joy,
'cause I'm in the flowers.
There we go.
(camera clicks)
Oh, cute.
Immediately purchasing Godzilla.
Yes.
Oh my God, I'm so excited.
It'll be mailed to my home.
What's up, mate?
"We want to have the incredibly popular musician
"K.K. Slider come and put on a show here at Pickle."
Yes, I know who K.K. Slider is,
he came to me in a dream.
Sexy beast.
Okay, so we need to add a campsite.
"Craft that and pick a great spot on the island
"for a new campsite.
"I'm counting on you!"
Isabelle, are you my friend or not?
I haven't actually interacted with Isabelle yet.
What can we do?
Change the island tune, change the island flag.
Shall I? (laughs)
I should just do that as the island flag!
"It's perfect in every way!"
Oh, no.
It does capture the essence of Pickle.
Sorry, there seems to be an army of children
outside my window.
(laughs) No, I can't have that as the flag.
We need to go back to square one.
All right, we're going to have a blue background.
Then I'm going to attempt to draw a pickle
because you know, need to remember where our roots are.
Here we go, just gonna let it flow.
Ooh, I've gone a bit deep there.
No, I think it's good, I think it's good.
I think it's good.
Ooh, I think the darker green's better.
This is looking incredible.
I mean, I feel like I've surpassed myself.
And then maybe a heart, maybe a small one here and here.
That's beautiful. (children oohing)
Right, Isabelle, you're about to have your socks immolated
because that is a million times better than my last one.
Yeah, I want to submit a new flag, mate.
Okay, let's have a look at the flag.
Wow.
I mean, I don't think that could have gone better.
That has redeemed all my sadness from the betta fish hunt.
Oh yeah, I forgot,
I also got a clothes shop construction kit for me,
but I think I should put it here,
'cause it's the perfect place.
This is the spot.
Whoo!
All right, let's see how hard it is to make a campsite.
Oof, I need to do some crafting.
Okay, I'll do that next time, that's fine.
All right, that's enough excitement for today, Philly.
Let's put you into bed.
(string music)
Exciting times, though.
I've got the Godzilla statue on the way,
I've got the ingredients for the ultimate robot,
which I'm probably never gonna be able to make.
I hope you've enjoyed that.
If you are a YouTube Premium member, by the way,
you can get one month of free membership to my channel.
So if you click the link below,
you can go claim it and then you'll get a little cactus
next to your name in the comments.
So thanks if you do that, and also,
thank you for coming on this failed betta adventure.
We tried our best, we didn't succeed,
other Coldplay lyrics.
And I hope you're having a good day,
and I will see y'all later, bye.
(heavy breathing)