How to talk to guys. You might remember last month, we did a video on finding confidence,
talking to men and how to get rid of your nerves, but that's not the full story. There's
one more skill that you need to have to find confidence putting yourselves out there and
talking to men. I'm going to show you what that is and demonstrate with a personal story
of mine next.
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Okay, I wanted to start this video by telling you a little personal story of my own life
from my own life when I started to go out and build confidence. It was many, many years
ago. About 10 years ago, and I walked into a nightclub for the very first time. It was
called Friday's Bar and it's here in Brisbane, and on that particular night, I decided that
I was going to go out and I was going to introduce myself to people I did not know and talk to
those people. From a background of massive social anxiety, this was a Mount Everest level
challenge for me, but I got to the club and had a problem. There was almost no one there.
In fact, the club was basically empty probably because I went to Friday's on a Thursday night,
but there was one group sitting in the middle of that club, a group of six, I think there
was three men, three women in the group.
And I thought, okay, here's a challenge. I'm going to go and introduce myself to this group.
I'm going to get involved, get involved in the conversation, make some friends, and this
is going to be the first step to me getting over my social anxiety. Of course, I got a
little nervous, wasn't sure what to say. I found myself standing at the edge of the club
balcony on my phone, pretending I was busy trying to sum up the confidence to go and
approach this group nervous as hell. But as I talked about in the last video, you've got
to earn your right to get over your nerves and I knew that. So after a good 15 minutes
or so, I finally summed up the courage to put my phone in my pocket, walk over to that
group. I interrupted what they were saying and said, Hey guys!
Now, I thought I had more to say, but I was so petrified
that my brain froze. As six heads tend to look at me, the situation got overwhelming.
That was the most for maybe five awkward seconds of my life before I realized I had absolutely
no clue what I was going to say and I said, Oh, it doesn't matter, and hightailed it out
of the club. Why do I tell you this story? Because this story demonstrates a very important
factor of confidence that goes beyond just taking action and opening your mouth. See,
when I take students out, whether it was men who I used to coach or women for the last
four years, I want them to just take the action. I want them to get out there. I want them
to open their mouth and everything beyond that is gravy. But here's the issue, taking
action isn't the only skill that you need.
Anyone can take action. Anyone can go to the gym once. Anyone can try and break their anxiety
by approaching one group of people. Anyone can go and do a public speech that terrifies
them once, but that's not going to give them confidence and more importantly, as demonstrated
by my story, it's not always going to go well. There's a second skill you need when things
don't go so well, not just in this area of life, but in any area of life results take
consistent action, not just action wants. You can't upload one video and expect it to
go well. You can't go to the gym once and expect it to go well or approach one group
and expect it to go well and find confidence. You need to do it consistently, which means
things aren't always going to go well and when they don't. That second skill you need
is internal validation.
You need to be able to validate yourself for the actions you take rather than rely on your
results to feel good because for most people, if they go on approach a few groups, if you
go on approach, a few guys, for most men, if they go on approach a few women and results
don't go well, they get discouraged. This is the equivalent to a baby trying to learn
to walk and then getting discouraged and stopping trying to walk because he fell over a few
times. Babies know that falling over that failing is not a reason to stop trying at
all. It's just a reason to do things differently or to try again, but we seem to forget this
mindset as an adult and that's why you need this second master skill of confidence, which
is the ability to internally validate yourself. Internal validation is a muscle.
It takes time to build it and it's something that not all of us have naturally and it's
something that a lot of us struggle with, but I can honestly tell you it's the muscle
that's brought me so many beautiful things in my life. It's the muscle that brought me
to relationships. It's the muscle that brought me fitness. It's the muscle that brought me
confidence. It's the muscle in my mind that's allowed me to keep taking action through grim
tries and failure time after time. You have to believe in what you're doing. I remember
getting rejected tens hundreds of times when I first got, went out to build confidence
and when I got home each night, rather than having my towel between my legs and licking
my wounds, I felt fantastic because I was the only one validating me. I was putting
myself out there and this is the way you have to see putting yourself out there and talking
to guys.
No matter how it goes, you have to feel good about the fact that you did it and you have
to have that internal strength to feel that no matter what weird looks you get or no matter
how badly one conversation might go. Internal validation is the master skill of achievement
of confidence in any area of life, not just talking to men. This is the skill that I'm
always looking to build in my clients and always encouraging them to foster within themselves.
That muscle of internal validation to know that you are doing things for you and that
it doesn't matter what the result is. It doesn't matter how it goes. You reward yourself and
train yourself to feel good for yourself. You can foster that skill. You're not just
going to have confidence in talking to men. You're going to have confidence in everything
in your life. Well, that's the video. Thank you for watching. Make sure you leave your
thoughts, comments, questions, et cetera, or below. Give the video a thumbs up and make
sure you hit that big red subscribe button and share the channel with your friends. Thank
you again for watching and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
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