Hi, I'm Dr. Tracey Marks a Psychiatrist
and I make mental health education videos.
This is a follow-up of a video that I did
where I talked about transgender issues
and gender dysphoria.
This video encompasses all sexual gender minorities
that fall under the LGBTQ designation.
LGBTQ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender,
Queer and Questioning.
Queer has been used as a derogatory term for years
to describe a homosexual person as odd or peculiar.
And there's many who still don't like the term,
but it has evolved over time to be more of a catch all term
or a person with non-normative sexual and gender identities.
Your sexual identity is something
that's established very early.
And as I discussed in the gender dysphoria video,
children as young as age two can experience a mismatch
between their assigned gender and their expressed gender.
Adolescents begins with puberty
and occurs around ages 10 to 12.
And by adolescents, your sexuality is more defined.
And this is a very critical phase of development
both emotionally and physically.
This is when anxiety starts.
It starts in childhood and an adolescent
for anyone who's prone to anxiety.
But if your attraction and your identity
don't match social norms,
this is when the social judgment,
rejection and discrimination begin.
The Trevor project produces an annual survey of LGBTQ youth
and their 2021 survey showed that
42 percent of LGBTQ youth
seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year.
The really sad part about this
is oftentimes the rejection they experienced
from family and friends
increases the risk of depression, anxiety,
suicide and substance abuse.
So you as a parent or loved one
may not be aware of the things that you say and do
that are tearing down your child
or your friend's self-esteem.
So here are 10 rejecting behaviors
that increase your child's risk
of serious mental health problems.
This can also apply
to other family members and close friends.
Number one, tell your LGBTQ child, it's just a phase.
This communicates the message
that your acceptance is conditional.
You're not expecting this thing that they're into
to last too long.
Your child may think,
but I felt like this for a while and never said anything,
this is who I am,
what if it doesn't go away?
Will you still love me?
Your child will not change their mind about this
to get your acceptance,
instead, they'll realize that you're not a safe person
that they can talk to about this.
Number two, allow families and friends and relatives
to talk negatively about LGBTQ around your child.
If this happens, your child doesn't feel protected.
Your child is already going to face rejection
from the outside world,
but these effects can be softened
if their home base feels secure.
And home base is family and a close network of friends.
Number three, tell your child to tone down
how they look or act.
Number four, prevent your child from having an LGBTQ friend.
This is not something that's contagious.
Children aren't recruited into
questioning their sexuality or identity.
So keeping them away from other LGBTQ people,
doesn't make them revert back to a conforming identity.
Number five, tell your team to get right with God
or take them to religious leaders
to have them pray to change your child.
Judgment and disapproval doesn't produce change,
it just drives people away.
Number six, try to hit, slap
or rough up your child to beat it out of them.
Sadly, some people believe
that hitting a feminine boy will toughen him up.
Number seven, prohibit your child from wearing things
that express their gender diversity.
This can be very hard for some parents.
Are you willing to let Johnny
go to your company reception dressed as Judy?
This means you have to do the work
to get strong and stand behind and your child.
You may say, well, I don't want to be embarrassed.
I say there's always
going to be negative judgments in the world.
And it takes courage to put yourself out there
to be ridiculed by other people because of your child.
But at the end of the day,
you have to decide which is more important
a relationship with your child
or a relationship with the people whose approval you seek.
Number eight, not you using the name or pronoun
that matches your child's identity.
Refusing to do this doesn't make your child give up
and walk it back.
Number nine, tell your child
that they can't talk about that LGBTQ stuff around you.
In fact, you should be asking questions
so you can keep up with their life.
Number 10, exclude your LGBTQ child
from family events and activities.
As a parent or loved one
you want to be an ally and not an adversary.
Just as family rejecting behaviors
increase the risk of mental problems,
family accepting behaviors promote self-esteem
and positive development.
The Trevor project surveyed 35,000 LGBTQ youth
and asked them,
what were things
that made them feel more secure?
Two big factors were having affirming parents
and having supportive and accepting friends.
Here are seven examples of accepting behaviors.
One, ask your child how and when you can help them
tell others about their identity?
This communicates the message that,
you're not alone, we're in this together.
Number two, get accurate information
to educate yourself about your child's gender expression.
Three, speak openly about your child's LGBTQ expression.
Four, require other family members
to treat your child with respect.
Five, use child's chosen name
and the pronoun that matches their identity.
It's natural to miss your child
the way that they used to be
but the solution isn't to insist that as a parent,
you're entitled to call them the name that you gave them.
Think of that as letting go of your baby
and embracing the teenager and adult that they become.
As any child grows into their independence,
you will still lose the child that they were.
That's just part of separating and individuating.
Number six, believe your child can be a happy adult
and tell them that they will have a good life.
You may say, well, that's lying,
everyone knows that people with gender issues
get discriminated against,
so I need to prepare them for the worst.
My response is, being straight and binary
doesn't protect you from ridicule
or guarantee you a fulfilling life,
but that's what we all hope for.
So you need to instill the same hope in your LGBTQ child
that you would in your non LGBTQ child.
And the way that you do that
is to stand alongside them
and give them encouragement guidance.
Number seven, talk to your child
about their identity and listen respectfully.
This is even if you disagree with their position
and you don't have to fake enthusiasm,
you just need to be curious.
Let your child help you become more informed
and educated on the issues.
They will appreciate that you are interested and are open.
The Family Acceptance Project
at San Francisco state university
has created posters with this information
about rejecting and accepting behaviors.
I only covered some of them.
The posts are free to download
to help spread the word on supporting youths
during this very vulnerable time.
If we want to make a better world,
we have to make better, stronger people.
And that strength
comes from getting love and support
from the people who matter most
at a time when it matters most.
Thanks for making it all the way to the end of this video.
See you next time.