(light music)
- Oh, what is your favorite position?
Oh, easy.
Three, two, one.
- Reverse cowgirl. - From the back.
(both laugh)
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- How long into your relationship did you wait to have sex?
So, three hours.
- I'll let you answer first
'cause your answer is always wrong.
- In my head, it was three days.
Three days, but three times that we hung out,
not three days.
- Three times that we hung out.
Yes, yes.
- I think it was a month.
Our relationship, we took really seriously
that we should learn to love each other first
before having sex,
not making sex the reason why we're in love with each other.
- Well, we still haven't.
We are waiting until marriage.
- When we first began talking or began dating,
we both knew immediately that that's where we stood.
- I am lucky to find someone who was also willing to wait.
- Do you use any toys?
If so, which ones?
- Vibrators.
Collar, my favorite.
- I really want him to learn how to tie me up in rope.
- If I had known that was gonna be part of my journey,
I probably would've joined the Boy Scouts or something.
- We're fine with using them but we don't need more spice.
I think that would be a lot.
- It would be a lot.
- It'd be a lot.
- We don't use any toys.
- I would say I'm old fashioned.
I'm all for it if you feel good and that helps,
so if anyone could maybe sponsor us.
- Personally, I would be open to it in the future,
but I think in the beginning,
I wanna try it natural, in a sense.
- Did you ever have periods of low desire or less sex,
and how did you get through those or bounce back?
I think we're currently in one now.
- Yeah.
- We've been together two years, actually,
and we celebrated by moving in together.
- I did realize that after we've moved in,
we've had a lot less sex.
- I noticed that too, but we've been really busy,
like the furniture, finals, planning vacations.
You look sad.
(both laugh)
- So I'll text him in the morning time,
even though he's in the bed right next to me,
normally the cat emoji or something,
just letting him know, I want some.
- Make me feel wanted and I'll return the favor,
make her feel wanted, and just building up the anticipation
throughout the day, throughout the week.
- I had a low sex drive when Shannon was pregnant,
and it wasn't because I didn't desire you,
we just were limited in the type of sex
that we could have at that time.
Although we still had sex,
it wasn't like it was in the past.
- Yes, but I think a rule that we set really early on,
which I don't know if we ever verbalized,
but I don't ever turn you down
and you don't ever turn me down.
- Yeah.
- Even during pregnancy sex,
when I knew that you weren't enthusiastic,
if I came onto you, you would still be like, "Okay."
- I didn't do it like that.
- Not like that, but.
- What is your favorite position?
- Oh, wait.
- Ready?
- Yeah I'm ready.
- Three, two, one.
- Reverse cowgirl. - From the back.
(both laugh)
- Three, two, one.
- [Both] Doggy.
- Doggy.
(both laugh)
What did you say?
- You on top.
- We Googled up, what is the laziest sex position?
- And it was the one that we do all the time,
and we're like, wow, we are really lazy.
- Do you ever have the desire to have sex with someone else?
- I do.
I think we all do, but we just never act upon it.
- No, not at all.
- Absolutely.
- Yes.
- The desire, for sure.
If anyone answers that question otherwise, they're lying.
- We had a period where we got rid of our urges
and we allowed each other to talk to other people,
but only through texting,
'cause if everything's just online, it's not really real.
It's just for fun.
- And I like that about us,
'cause the whole thing is all about compromising.
- We're always compromising.
We meet in the middle a lot, yeah.
- Okay, are there things you don't like
that you've never told your partner?
- I personally don't like
when something is over-exaggerated.
Maybe comments about size
or comments about how something feels.
I like it to be, for me, it's a very honest process.
- No, we have this thing where he just,
he gets too into it, too excited,
and I don't quite get to get there 'cause he...
- I end it first.
- He finishes his work first,
and he does a good job at making sure I'm satisfied too.
- I may get up and leave.
- Yeah, this man!
- We finish one round or something,
I may go get some water or something,
and then I may end up walking past the TV.
- Yeah, 'cause you, what did you, you said you had,
what now was it?
- ADD.
- Yeah, he has ADD.
- I look at sex as a marathon, not necessarily a sprint,
and so I look at it, it's like, you can pause and stop.
So I may pause here,
pick it right back up a few minutes later.
- I be wanting to go all night long.
I'm like, there is no, there is no time outs, coach.
- No pause.
- You should've got water before you started.
- How long does sex normally last?
- I don't keep track.
- I mean, on a good day, yes, 10 minutes,
or maybe more sometimes.
- We don't do foreplay.
- We go normally straight into it.
- Straight to the point, done and done.
- He normally gives me a good 30 minutes.
- And also, I would say,
it depends on if you had been drinking or not.
- Oh yeah.
- If it's wine, it's a different story,
different ballgame there.
- What you trying to say?
- Three, two, one.
- 15. - 37 minutes.
- 37 minutes?
- I think so.
- We actually have a video of us having sex,
let's see how long it is.
- Whoa!
- I'm not gonna show it, I'm gonna see the time code.
Oh, it's only 13:43.
- But I think we stopped recording.
- Okay, so then if you add that, plus the 20 minutes,
we're right on time.
- You did it right.
- Do you both finish every time?
I finish every time.
- You do?
You know what, you have.
- He makes sure I finish every single time first.
He makes sure I'm taken care of
and then he worries about himself, so I appreciate that.
- Yes, yes.
That's something that was not prioritized with me
and something that he does a really good job of making sure.
It's really unfortunate though that,
in a straight couple relationship,
the female typically always has to finish first.
It's just constantly, okay let's get you off
and then you get to go, kind of thing.
- My best orgasm is yet to come,
and I feel like only I can give it to me.
It's just not, it's nothing about him.
It just, my body and, it's so difficult for me to...
- She always tells me how and, "This way and do that way",
but then sometimes,
- It just doesn't work.
- It doesn't work or I get too into it and then,
I feel bad sometimes too
'cause I feel like I'm selfish in that part.
- Even when I'm just doing it to myself,
I feel shameful when I hit orgasm
and it's just a natural feeling that,
today, I still don't understand why.
- Do you care if your partner watches porn?
I do.
Personally, I don't think it is okay to watch.
It would definitely hinder our relationship
and our connection, especially since we haven't had sex.
I want to be the only woman that he looks at, you know?
- From everything that we know about porn
and any study done,
I just, I don't see any healthy benefits to it.
- I don't care if she watches porn.
I enjoy watching porn together.
It's pretty fun.
Everyone should try it.
- Seriously, some people need it.
- Yeah, we both watch porn.
- We even show each other the porn we watch,
like, "Did you see this one?"
- I don't understand the stigma behind it too,
'cause it's just like, everyone watches it.
- I feel like porn often can be just used as a tool
to fix a problem or a stress or something to be integrated
into your life that has nothing to really do
with sexual satisfaction.
It's more of just something to do to feel different.
I've struggled with that my whole life,
is using things to feel better,
instead of actually dealing with
whatever the problem is at hand.
- Are you comfortable with me?
Okay, so there was a period
where he was single for a year and a half,
and I guess that's where his sex,
his porn addiction came in.
- My sex drive is pretty high, I must say.
Yeah, it just happened, and then that's the,
but I, yeah, I don't watch that much anymore.
- One day, I was going through his phone
and I saw that, porn, and I was like, did you download this?
That was when I was like, tell me about this.
He's been having that same problem for a whole year,
and then, at that time, I felt like,
oh, okay, so I've been with you for a whole year
and somehow I didn't know about this.
I didn't feel like he was cheating on me or any kind.
I don't think that watching porn means cheating.
I just feel like I deserve to know if my partner is,
because it makes me feel like,
oh, am I not giving you enough?
I wasn't completely happy about it,
but after we communicated, we're fine now, so yeah.
- Does your partner's body count matter to you?
Why and why not?
No, it doesn't matter to me.
- Definitely when we were dating,
there were a lot of people,
especially people who didn't know us,
that would assume that I dating him for money.
My mom even thought I was dating him for money.
- I'm broke.
- When he opened up to me,
I didn't realize how many people he has experience with,
which it didn't bother me
because he was really transparent about it when I asked.
- I never even thought about it.
- Yeah, we never talked about it.
- Yeah.
- I actually am attracted to a woman with experience,
and for me, I have no room to shame,
because my body count is something.
- Yeah.
Why Jared laughed is because he lied to me
about his partners.
So he told me, I think he said seven.
- No one should believe anybody that says seven.
- Well, I did.
- That's just not a right number.
- And then this year, for the first time,
he was like, you know it's not seven, right?
And I was like, no I didn't.
I don't know, I don't care, but I was just like,
why would you lie about that?
- There's so much pressure about body count,
and I think, when you have a high body count,
there's a stigma that gets placed on you,
maybe rightfully so, but I didn't want that to interfere
with what we had going on.
- I talk about sex for a living.
Why would I, of all people, be like,
oh you've had sex with double digits.
- Well you made such a big deal about it being seven.
- 'Cause it was crazy.
- Such a big deal.
- I'm talking first on this one.
So we've had this conversation before where it was like,
I don't know, over 100 for your body count, probably?
- I don't know.
- He doesn't know.
- Something like that.
- So he's been sober for seven years, going on eight,
and so a lot of it was, I don't what you're doing,
you're up, I'm up kind of situation.
- At least half,
I can't even really recall the names and stuff.
- I mean, it may have bothered me in the beginning.
Not for, oh this is how many people's lives
you've been a part of,
but more so of, I felt out-experienced kind of thing.
- I struggle with emotional connection and sex,
and that is one thing that, actually,
I don't even think I've told it to you,
but that has been...
I can't compare anything.
Yeah, I can't compare anything
to the way that I feel with you emotionally in sex.
I just can't.
- All right, what does consent look like for you two?
- Communication.
- Just being open with each other
in what we like and don't like.
In the middle of it, I'll ask if everything's,
like, oh is this still fine?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
- He'll ask me if I wanna use toys or anything.
He'll check in with me,
see if my legs are hurting or anything, if my back's okay.
So he checks in with me a lot.
- Consent should always be present.
Just because you're in a long-term committed relationship
doesn't mean you won't have to ask the other person
if they're okay anymore.
I would say it's the most important thing about sex, yeah.
- That's something that I wish I was,
even, I've been raped twice,
and both those situations were in relationships,
which is really rare.
And what happens is that, what you realize
is that consent is not just a one-time thing.
Consent continues.
He asks for consent every single time,
throughout the entire process of it,
which is something I've never had before.
That's a really really cool thing to happen
and it makes me feel really validated and really good.
Especially after sex, it's like,
he does a really good job of just making me feel safe,
and I wish all guys knew that.
I wish all guys were just taught that.
So I'm really, just really thankful that he's there
and he re-learned and re-taught and all that, yeah.
- I love you.
- Love you.
(both laugh)
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