This is her preparing to have sex.
Oh, they’re shagging.
That’s her lubricant.
So the yellow juice was the donkey’s lube?
Her vagina is opening, you can see that.
-They’re about to have sex. -Oh, yass.
They’re about to have sex!
-Yass, yass, yass. -Go on then.
Got stage fright now.
If you leave it too long, the moment will be gone.
This time, we drink Serbian moonshine,
spend the night at a vampire’s house,
and eat the most expensive cheese on the planet.
Stop it, you’re doing that on purpose.
Us pair of legends are on a ridiculous journey across Europe,
using ferries, coaches, and trains to get to Naples,
and tracking our carbon footprint to see if traveling like this
will cost the planet less CO2 than just flying there directly.
[Budapest]
Coronavirus has forced us all to go cold turkey
on our flying addiction.
Let’s make sure we don’t relapse when this is over
by making an effort to travel sustainably instead.
[Serbia]
Yasss, we’ve arrived in Serbia.
[Novi Sad]
After a seven-hour train journey,
we’ve arrived in the city of Novi Sad
with only two hours left to learn the Serbian language.
OK, go do your phrase thing.
What do you want to know, what can I teach you?
Climate change is destroying the planet,
and we’re all going to be **** dead in 30 years
if we don’t do something about it.
-Did you get that? -Did you get that?
Give us a few more days and we might be able to read this.
Welcome to
Before the pandemic,
we made a sustainable guide to travelling Europe
and found out it’s funner without them anyway.
We’re meeting up with local journalist Katerina Petrović
at a bus station in Belgrade,
our guide and much-needed translator
for our interview with the vampire.
-Kiss the girl first. -Hi, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well.
So, what’s the plan for today?
So, we’re going to a place called Zarožje,
which is supposed to be the place
where one of the first vampires still lives.
He was apparently quite a rough guy,
quite a scary guy when he was alive.
So not a sexy vampire?
Absolutely not.
More something you could translate into a zombie.
Like, overgrown parts of the body, rotten.
OK, can we turn this bus around, please?
No, we’re... you want a hot vampire?
We’re used to the hot ones, you know, “Bite me, yes.”
But that’s the popular culture.
There were stories that about 50 years ago,
he was seen again at the mill
where we’re going to be sleeping tonight.
After sitting on a cramped minibus for four hours, we arrive in Zarožje,
the hometown of one of Serbia’s most infamous vampires.
A local villager named Mijo has offered to give us a tour
of the vampire’s house.
Now I’m taking you to the exact spot where the water mill was,
which belonged to Serbian vampire Sava Savanović.
Do you think it’s wise for us to stay here tonight?
Has anyone ever done that before?
I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.
What if I find you all strangled in the morning?
-You’re frightened, aren’t you? -Let’s not get into it.
Sava Savanović’s vampire ghost has haunted Serbian culture
for centuries.
And some Serbians still believe that the souls of vampires
live in butterflies and moths.
So, can you show us where the magic happens?
This is where he strangled the water millers,
then chaos ensues.
When he comes around midnight,
he lets out that shriek of his.
You’ve seen it, butterflies are always around here.
It’s his soul.
I found Sava Savanović,
he’s here.
VICE’s insurance doesn’t cover us for supernatural activity,
so, as a precaution, Mijo is taking us to get some local advice
on warding off vampires,
which seems to mainly involve drinking a perverse amount
of a homemade moonshine called ‘Rakija.’
When we go to the mill,
or we are afraid, we bring a garlic clove.
Then we eat it and we stink.
If someone wants to kiss in the mill, they shouldn’t.
Is anyone planning on kissing?
No? OK, cool.
-Ready? -Yeah, yeah.
One, two, three.
Oh my God, crazy.
OK, and what’s this stick thing for?
This is a thorn, see?
When he stabs himself, his skin collapses, and he goes flat.
And it’s all over, he’s no more.
That’s what it’s for.
The purpose of this spike
is to stab the vampire.
If he comes...
I got this one, don’t you worry.
Are you sure? I think this is more your vibe.
No, I think I got this one.
-OK, alright. -Yeah.
What’s in the bottle? What have we got over here?
Rakija. Plum brandy.
This here is a boiler.
We put plums in there. And then it goes through here.
I do it like this.
And pour it into a glass,
and taste the rakija, and that’s that.
It gives you courage.
-First you cross yourself. -Yeah, first you cross yourself.
And he runs away.
-Cheers! -Cheers! I wish you good health!
Cheers!
-Welcome! -Welcome!
It’s a little bit like Pálinka--
Oh, OK. I mean...
That was the fastest that anyone’s ever poured me a shot
after pouring me a shot.
I can still feel my stomach and my throat burning.
But yeah, OK, sure.
This will help you forget the first one.
Cheers!
Whoa, OK.
Wow.
Maybe this one goes to the crew?
Do you guys want one?
It’s made from these plums.
They look good, can I have one?
How much rakija did you and you have before we arrived?
We had like five, six, ten, maybe.
-He drinks a whole liter. -Sure.
I drink a liter.
This is a healthy rakija made out of these plums.
This is no scam.
So it’s healthy?
We’ve crossed ourselves, had a toast with rakija,
we ate plums, and we’re not afraid.
We’re not afraid of vampires.
-Thank you so much. -He will run away. He will!
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Bye.
Like most things, vampire sleepovers are much safer when you’re drunk.
So after far too many shots of rakija,
we felt totally fine about heading back to sleep in the mill
where Sava Savanović slaughtered innocent victims.
I think I’ll take this corner over here.
I think, no, guys, we need to all stay next to each other.
What’s the wildlife like in Serbia? Is it actually--
There could be wolves outside.
Oh, are there actually wolves here?
-Yeah, there could be wolves. -I just saw a toad.
What time are you coming back?
Well, I fancy a lie-in, so about 11:00 am. Is that alright?
If we sleep like this,
see what I’m doing with my feet against the door?
Then we can prevent anyone coming in.
And also if someone does try and come in,
we’ll wake up immediately.
OK, guys. This is it.
You ready?
All of us are within at least one foot of proximity
to a place where many people were strangled to death.
What was that?
What the **** was that?
I will be honest guys, I have soiled myself.
Wait, is it there now? Oh my God.
Oh no, I see it too.
-Do you see it? -Yeah, I see something moving.
What is that? Is that the moth?
Right? Something’s moving over there.
It’s definitely the villagers trying to freak us out.
Or our **** camera crew.
I’m just going to check if it’s safe and maybe take a piss.
Glad to wake up alive and unslaughtered,
we’ve decided we’ve earned some luxury.
Luckily, Kat is offering to take us to a small Serbian village
where we can try the most expensive cheese on the planet.
There isn’t a direct coach there...
so we’re taking another bus to a town called Zasavica.
Are you all ready to eat some donkey cheese?
Yeah? No?
Just me?
I don’t know how to speak yet, I’m a baby.
[Donkey Cheese Unique Cheese]
We’re going to try and milk a donkey,
but it means we have to go in there.
I’ve got fresh creps, bro.
They’re not going to be so fresh after this.
Let’s get milking.
Oh, it feels so strange.
You’ve got to give it a few spritzes.
Keep going, you’re doing really well.
I’m really proud of you.
It feels like touching a small, flaccid penis,
but just milk it.
What does it feel like?
It’s very hot.
Great, can tick that off the bucket list.
OK, let’s try.
**** this.
It really is like a-- how did you call it, a floppy penis?
I got a drop.
I got one drop. That counts, right?
You have to get the milk from the top, the tippy top,
and when the nipple is inflated with milk,
that’s when you squeeze it down.
OK. I know I’m making a fuss--
Stop it, you’re doing that on purpose.
You did it on purpose.
Hi babies.
I know all babies are beautiful,
but I do prefer the ones with fringes.
These messy little things.
They're so cute.
I guess we should eat some cheese.
Bye, guys. I love you.
Why is donkey cheese so expensive?
It is expensive because for one kilo of cheese,
you need 25 liters of milk.
And milk is precious.
So what does it taste like?
[Donkey Cheese €1,000 per kg]
I would say it’s quite feta-y,
it’s quite wet.
But that smokiness is crazy, isn’t it?
It’s a smoky, wet, crumbly string cheese.
Yeah, it’s really good.
The donkey is preparing.
This is her preparing to have sex.
Oh, they’re shagging.
That’s her lubricant.
So the yellow juice was the donkey’s lube?
Her vagina is opening, you can see that.
-They’re about to have sex. -Oh, yass.
They’re about to have sex!
-Yass, yass, yass. -Go on then.
Got stage fright now.
If you leave it too long, the moment will be gone.
I know it’s hard when your parents are shagging in front of you.
Do you? Do you know that feeling?
-He’s five days old.
Because that worries me,
but also explains a lot.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Thank you so much for taking us around Serbia.
Come, my titty siblings.
Alright, Shea. We’ve got to go.
I can see our Uber.
Come on.
Next time on
we hop on the Balkan Express,
go swimming in a blue cave in Dubrovnik
where they shot
ride Segways to meet the pasta divas of Bari,
and learn to clench our buttocks while cliff diving.