Does it often seem like that narcissist in your life is an
expert at reading people and identifying their weaknesses? Well, it's probably because they are.
And by the end of this video, you're going to know why that may be.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung and I have been recognized by many venerated organizations as one of the best
in the business, including Martindale-Hubbell, U.S. News & World Report, TREND Magazine.
I've written a couple of bestselling books, which is Negotiate Like YOU M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking
Free: A Step‑By‑Step Divorce Guide is I help you out there deal with people who are toxic and who
have created drama, trauma, and chaos in your life, and make you miserable and traumatize you.
And I help you with real skills on how to negotiate with them so that you can
understand the personality type and figure out what the heck is going on so that you can maybe
have an equitable result, an actual resolution to your cases, to your issues, and be able to
move on with your life and create new beginnings and new futures. And if that sounds good to you,
then I would suggest and invite you to subscribe to my channel and hit the notification bell.
And that way you. I'll start becoming part of my community and enjoying all of the
free resources that I have for you right here to help you with step-by-step guidance in this way.
So now let's talk about how narcissists just seem like they're so good, they're so expert.
They're such experts at reading people and I've now counsel people from all over the world,
thousands of people not just in my law practice, but now that I've expanded my offerings,
I've been helping people all over the world with all kinds of issues in negotiation.
Many, many who are in business with narcissistic business partners or other
business issues with narcissists, as well as people who are dealing with narcissists in divorce
and other situations like that. And so I can tell you, I've had
many, many opportunities to have conversations with people who are dealing with exactly that. And
so many times the conversation starts off where the person is telling me how great the other
person is at duping people, at getting people to do things, at getting everybody to believe
them. One of the biggest fears is that everyone is going to believe the other person
and not believe me, because they engage in smear campaigns. They line up flying monkeys.
They do things that cause other people to have an opinion about you that may not necessarily be
true. And I've had to deal with this in my personal life. I've had to deal with
narcissists. I mean, there's one in 10 people in the world there's a narcissist.
So you've all dealt with one, we've all dealt with one, at least one, maybe more, and they're no
fun. They're awful to deal with. And part of the reason why is because they seem to be so smart,
they're so cunning. They are master manipulators. So they come in, they figure out what's going on
with you, they're able to quickly identify if you are going to be a good source of supply to them.
And remember I've said this many times, but I want to make sure I say this again,
that they don't attach themselves to you because you are without value.
They attach themselves to you because you have so much value, because they need that
narcissistic supply. So they're trying to suck as much supply out of you as they possibly can.
And if you are so ready for a new future, give me a new future in the comments. Okay. So now
you're dealing with this narcissist and you're wondering, "Why are they so good at this? Why
are they so good at reading people?" Well, I actually was reading about this and reading
actual excerpts of things that have been written by real narcissists, people who
actually readily say "I'm a narcissist." And one of the ones that I read this person said,
"I am really good at reading people because as a child, I was raised by
parents who were less than nurturing, probably abusive, difficult to deal with,
maybe even narcissist themselves. And as a child, I had to learn how to read them. I had to read
is the environment good for asking for something? Should I be showing up right
now? Can I even walk into the room? Should I not say this? Should I be disappeared
right now? Should I hide? That sort of thing. And so as a five, six, seven-year-old in a normal
household, whatever normal actually is, I don't even know. But in a household where people don't
tend to breed narcissists I guess, then that child doesn't have to think that way. They don't have to
read people and try to read them for their own survival. And a lot of times narcissists have been
according to what I have read they've been traumatized or neglected or abused
or something happened to them when they were five, six, seven-years-old that caused them
to feel like the world is not a safe place, that they had to survive, that they had to
be on their own. That it was me and no one else. It's a me or you world. And if it's not going to
be you, it's got to be me. And it can never be an us world and a together world, and we can
share a world. Because the share world is one in which I have to let go of something. And if I have
to let go of something then that means I don't necessarily survive. It's a very scarcity-minded
way of thinking. They're scarcity-minded to the extreme. And so they've learned to put on this
almost like a game face, where they just pretend they're this way. And then in the inside,
there's a whole other thing, a different person. Now, all of us have some degree of that.
And some people say that all of us have some degree of narcissism, but I disagree with that. I
would just say all of us want to feel seen, heard, and know that we matter. And there's nothing wrong
with that. It's when it gets to a point of, I want to feel seen, heard and know that I matter
and I want to make sure that you don't. And I don't want anything good to happen to you.
And I don't want you to have any love or care and have it because if you have it then I can't. When
it gets to that point, that's when you're into a pathological state and one that's unhealthy for
certainly the narcissist as well, but certainly those of us who have to be in their space.
I would just highly suggest that you don't be in their space if you possibly can.
Create those steel boundaries and all that sort of thing. But I do say that, yes,
they can appear cunning. They can appear smart. They are sometimes very smart.
By the way, I would highly suggest that you check out my video on Are Narcissists Stupid or
Clever? Because I go more into all of that in that particular video. But just understand that, yes,
they're highly skilled at manipulating. But as a negotiator, when you go to negotiate with them,
you have to learn how to ethically manipulate the manipulator. Because
otherwise you're going to get eaten alive. Because narcissists feel like they have
to take you down in order for them to survive. And so what's going to happen is if you approach
this whole negotiation with, "I just want what's fair and I don't want to hurt anybody. And I'll
just take this and I'm never going to get that so I won't ask for it." You will not prevail. You
will be taken for a ride that you don't want to be on. And I can just tell you that when a narcissist
is involved in any kind of litigation, whether it's business litigation, probate litigation,
family law litigation, whatever it is. That means it's going to last a hell of a lot longer.
You're going to spend lots more money, and it's going to last way longer, unless you can figure
out how to ethically manipulate that manipulator. So, yes, they're extremely good at reading people,
but you can also be very smart in creating the right strategy, the right leverage,
and doing exactly what you need to to beat them at this negotiation and end up with a resolution that
you're happy with, that you're comfortable with, that you can live with so that you can create
that new beginning and that new future. So if you are getting ready to negotiate
with that narcissist, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet at
winmynegotiation.com. That's winmynegotiation.com. Join me in my free private Facebook group,
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. If you like this video, like it, share it,
drop me that comment new future, and make sure that you subscribe and hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung. Thank you so much for joining me today. Remember that today's a
great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.