[Please keep these CC clean] [You can put funny extras in the English (Canada) CC]
ICHIGO: So this is it - Hueco Mundo...
Stomping grounds of all Hollows, and Aizen's home turf.
URYŪ: Indeed.
The trees here are fragile and crystal-like.
Could it be possible that Aizen has deduced the technology...
...to grow crystal-meth trees?!
ICHIGO: I was about to say that seems unlikely...
...but we know literally nothing about this place.
CHAD: Everyone, you're going to want to see this!
URYŪ: That's impossible! How big even is that place?
It's so far in the distance!
The scope of that castle boggles the mind and perplexes the senses!
Boggles, I say!
BOGGLES AND PERPLEXES!
CHAD: That must be Aizen's base!
ICHIGO: Way to go, Chad. Nailed it.
URYŪ: It will take us hours to get there, if not days...
...plus, we must run in sand - enemy of friction!
ICHIGO: Well, Dream Team, no time like the present.
Let's make like sand and blow!
...Outta here! [Music]
[Panting]
[Music slows]
[Music slows further]
URYŪ: Damn you, sand!
[Music grinds to a halt]
ICHIGO: All right, stop! Stop! We're stopping now!
URYŪ: What is it? Enemies? Treachery?
Enereacheries?!
ICHIGO: Has anyone else missed the giant cannon?
I miss the giant cannon.
CHAD: The giant cannon was very useful.
URYŪ: Very useful was the giant cannon.
CHAD: I miss Ganju also.
ICHIGO: Hey.
...Let's not get carried away.
[♫ Hello Sleepwalkers - "Hyakkiyakou" ♫]
SAGET ICHIGO: Kids, we've lived a fortunate life.
The most we've had to deal with is when Soul Society tried to initiate their "Zanpakutō Tax Initiative".
We weren't always so fortunate...
When we fought against Aizen, he had a crew of top men with *indescribable* power...
...a collective that *no one* could *stop*!
KAZUI: But you did.
GIKO: Yeah.
KAZUI: I mean - you're here, you're alive, you're present.
You exist now, thus you have defeated the Es-- the *whoever* from before--
SAGET ICHIGO: Listen, live-action Kazui! Do you want me to tell the story or not?
We all have better things to do right now than watch you two sit on this couch and listen to me ramble.
But this stuff is important!
Anyways, these forces of nature were the cornerstones of Aizen's plan.
They were known as...
AIZEN: The Espada.
How wonderful to see you all.
Its been, what, feels like months since I've seen you all in one place.
Aaroniero, I see you've treated yourself to a quality haircut.
AARONIERO: (Bubbling)
AIZEN: Of course not. Silly me...
ICHIGO: So... Just curious, guys...
Was what you did back there the upper limit... of what you can do?
URYŪ: Depends!
CHAD: Pretty much!
ICHIGO: 'Cause... G...
*God*, this is far!
(Panting)
'Cause like... you two guys combined...
You're not nearly as strong as Grimmjow!
CHAD: I don't know what a "Grimmjow" is...
...but as long as I don't bump into that Yammy man again, I should be fine!
ICHIGO: Oh, dude! Grimmjow's way stronger than Yammy.
Then there's, like, this Ulquiorra guy. Pretty sure he's their leader!
He's, like, ten Grimmjows in one.
Hohh! Does it ever get closer?!
CHAD: Mmm...
URYŪ: [distant] Main man muscle? Why have you stopped running?
CHAD: I think I should go home.
URYŪ: I don't mean to alarm anyone, but it appears that we have
SURPRISE TORNADO!
ICHIGO: You've gotta be kidding me!
URYŪ: Everyone hit the deck!
CHAD: I WILL MURDER THIS TORNADO!
ICHIGO: You can't *murder* a tornado, Chad!
CHAD: Not with *that* attitude, we can't!
AIZEN: As you can see, my beloved subordinates...
- whom I consider essential personnel in both my business and emotional life -
...we have invaders in Hueco Mundo. Truly, the greatest threat to our politics since...
...well, since me.
Isn't that right, Baraggan?
BARAGGAN: This is a joke, Josh Groban.
When you alerted us to an invasion, you claimed...
...there would be an ARMY!
Not a pack of *rats*!
AIZEN: And when I took over Hueco Mundo, you told me you were the true King of Skyrim.
Looks like we're both liars.
BARAGGAN: I never said Skyrim! And fuck you, anyways!
AIZEN: Oh *boy*, I think I dragged up some unfortunate memories.
I thought that was all water under the bridge, Baraggan...
...the way I came in, slaughtered your army and took your comfortable throne for myself.
*I* got over it.
GRIMMJOW: Enough babbling, you two!
When do I get to use my new arm to crush that brat Ichigo's windpipe?
ULQUIORRA: They're here for Orihime, aren't they?
Then Ichigo Kurosaki has put two and two together.
NNOITRA: Looks like your plan BACKfired a tad there, Groban!
TIER: Stay your tongue, Nnoitra.
Lord Groban calculated this.
NNOITRA: No *frikkin'* way, man.
TIER: Lord Groban allowed Orihime the chance to say goodbye to one person.
He knew she would select Ichigo and heal his wounds.
AIZEN: Quite. She has the biggest puppy crush on him.
Frankly, it's adorable.
TIER: If she healed him, she'd leave behind spiritual energy...
...then Ichigo would know to come find her.
AARONIERO: (Bubbling)
NNOITRA: Well ain't he just a goddamn prophet, girlie!
Preachin' truth like he ain't got anythin' better to do!
BARAGGAN: Like invade Soul Society.
WHY ARE WE NOT DOING THAT?!
AIZEN: You always did get me, Harribel. You so fully and absolutely understand my motivations.
Truly, you are an asset to this team that is... dare I say it...
...indispensable.
There. I said it.
AARONIERO: (Bubbling)
AIZEN: Yes, yes; you too, Aaroniero.
AARONIERO: (Bubbling)
GRIMMJOW: If we're not gonna get out there and pull that kid's ribs from his heaving chest one by one...
...then I'm not gonna waste my time yammering on with you morons!
NNOITRA: Big talk from the Six over here! Hu-hu-hu-hu-hu-ha!
Hey look, everyone! Dimmjaw wants to give this kid a third date!
You're ready to go all the way this time, Grimmy Boy?
SZAYELAPORRO: Keep at it, broseph.
Maybe this time you'll use Pantera before someone puts you in timeout.
GRIMMJOW: Gettin' real sick of you guys!
COYOTE: Oh guys, no, come on...
Cut it out. Don't fight. We're friends.
Guys.
Stop it.
AIZEN: Sorry, Grimmjow. Did I hear that you don't want to sit at the table?
GRIMMJOW: Damn straight I don't!
If I wanted to sit around and talk I, I...
...I wouldn't be here with you guys, that's for sure!
AIZEN: Well then, everyone, there you have it. Grimmjow just quit the Espada.
GRIMMJOW: Wait...!
AIZEN: No hard feelings, Grimmjow.
All right, time to fill that sixth seat again. Oh gosh, who will I ever--
Gin! You're the sixth Espada.
GRIMMJOW: Come on!
AIZEN: Are you still here, Grimmjow?
Take a seat.
[Harsh breath]
GIN: But sir, I can't be an Espada.
I lack Hollow powers, mmm~!
AIZEN: Oh darn, we'll have to replace you while you're fixing that.
Let's see...
Oh Grimmjow, are you busy at the moment?
GRIMMJOW: Groban...!
AIZEN: Excellent. Grimmjow will be the stand-in sixth Espada until Gin completes his training.
Welcome to the team.
KANAME: (Mumbling) Welcome aboard.
AIZEN: Gentlemen and Harribel, that will conclude our meeting.
I'd like to leave you with three orders regarding the invaders:
Do not kill them quickly
Do not kill them quickly Do not let them take Orihime
Do not kill them quickly Do not let them take Orihime And above all else, do not - and this is important -
Do not directly interrupt other Espada fighting them to steal the kill.
Let your fellow Espada have their fun.
I'm looking at you, Nnoitra.
NNOITRA: Whatever, man! Ha-ha, I'll get my fix! Hu-hueh-hueh!
LILYNETTE: Yo, Starrk! My dude!
Are you done with your *stupid* club meeting?!
COYOTE: Yes, Lilynette. We're wrapping up.
LILYNETTE: And did you talk to Lord Groban about the vermin problem we're having?
COYOTE: I don't think calling the Privaron "vermin" is very nice, Lilynette.
AIZEN: Not distinctly untrue though, let's be honest.
CHAD: AARRRRRGGH!
URYŪ: Muscle, wait! CHAD: AARRRRRGGH!
CHAD: AARRRGH!!
SAGET ICHIGO: And that's where Uncle Chad got the name for his signature wrestling move:
"The Twister Punch"!
ICHIGO: AAAAAAAAAAGGH! URYŪ: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
CHAD: I told you that I could murder it! ICHIGO: AAAAAAAAAAGGH! URYŪ: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
URYŪ: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAH! CHAD: RARGH!
ICHIGO: GUH!
It's easy to forget since we know so many supernatural people, but...
...you're pretty scary sometimes, Chad.
CHAD: Aizen, I am coming for youu!
ICHIGO: Really scary...
CHAD: Never before have I felt such internal distress!
Every fiber of who I am is
*crying out* for fresh... blood!
I am certain my venerable grandfather would be greatly displeased with this.
URYŪ: Perhaps if we asked Kisuke, he would supply us with a ghost plane to make the trip easier!
ICHIGO: I'm not asking Kisuke for anything!
Knowing him, the only reason he's helping us is 'cuz he's stuck another wish-granting rock in someone!
Oh my God...
...What if he stuck another wish-granting rock in Orihime?
CHAD: What if he stuck one in *you*?
ICHIGO: OGH!
CHAD: What if he stuck one in *me*?! What if that's why I'm so angry?!
I will destroy Kisuke for imbuing me with this *infernal hatred*!
BAWABAWA: (Roars)
DONDOCHAKKA: (Weird scream)
PESCHE: (Weird scream)
NELLIEL: (Incoherent mumbling)
...about the sand, and I'm about to fall into--
PESCHE: Hey, you creep! Why did you end my second best best friend's life?
URYŪ: Prepare to be exterminated with extreme prejudice!
PESCHE: Looks like this is the end of best buddy Pesche!
NELLIEL: Hey, you bullies! Stop picking on my best friends; they're training!
They ain't never not done nothin'!
ICHIGO: [high pitch] *Wha--*?! *They were trying to kill you*!
NELLIEL: But sir...
...Nel wuvs them!
Nel wuvs them *too* much!
ICHIGO: Are... Are you Nel?
Do you talk in the third person? Is that what this is?
PESCHE: Please have mercy on us, oh benevolent overlords! NELLIEL: Please have mercy on us, oh benevolent overlords!
We swear to serve your every need from this point on!
PESCHE: *Your*... *every*... *neeed*...
NELLIEL: My name is Nel, bestest best friend of Nel's best friend court!
URYŪ: "Best friend court"?
NELLIEL: This is second best friend, bestest friend, Counselor Chairman Pesche!
PESCHE: First of my name!
DONDOCHAKKA: And I'm third best best friend, Counselor Admiral General Dondochakka.
Head o' Chasin'.
NELLIEL: And this big old worm is Bawabawa!
He's head of being a big ol' worm!
ICHIGO: Why isn't he a best friend?
PESCHE: Worms can't be friends, dude. Get your head on straight.
What an idiot, guys, am I right?
"Worms as friends, pllttuuh..."
ICHIGO: Just to be clear... do you work for Aizen?
Uhh... Josh Groban, I mean?
NELLIEL: (Gasp!) You're here to smash big ol' J. Grobo off his marble sitting throne?!
DONDOCHAKKA: That's our best friend court secret mega mission!
ICHIGO: What were you guys gonna do against *Josh Groban*?
NELLIEL: Same things we used to do to everyone we bump into:
We challenge them to play tag against us, and when we tag 'em 'cuz we has more people, we win! It's super fun.
Then we eats 'em!
URYŪ: I'm sorry?
NELLIEL: We play tag then we eats 'em. It's a jungle out here!
PESCHE: Survival of the fittest to tag!
DONDOCHAKKA: We got kinda tired o' Nel bossing around the best friend court...
...so, we challenged her to a game o' tag; see who'd come out on top.
NELLIEL: Nel understands. Nel was outta line.
DONDOCHAKKA: But before we could consume her tasty friendship,
y'all came out o' nowhere and bested us.
So if you don't eat us, you're in charge now.
NELLIEL: Nel recommends doing a chomp down on at least one of us.
Sends a powerful mega message of fear.
ICHIGO: I'm Ichigo Kurosaki, substitute Soul Reaper.
URYŪ: I am the last of the Quincy, Uryū Ishida.
CHAD: I'm Chad.
PESCHE: Hi Chad!
CHAD: Hello!
DONDOCHAKKA: Maybe these auxiliary friends can take care o' J. Grobo for us.
PESCHE: And if not, we can feast on their discarded corpses.
NELLIEL: Okays - but if things go south, then Nel gets to keep the orange-haired one.
Nel thinks maybe he might be what Nel's been looking for.
PESCHE: You don't mean...? DONDOCHAKKA: You don't mean...?
NELLIEL: Yes...!
*Ultra*-friendship.
Friendship that don't involve getting ya chomp on.
ICHIGO: You guys have fun sorting this stuff.
I hereby release you from your service or whatever...
NELLIEL: ULTRA-FRIEND, WAIT!!
ICHIGO: Guh!
Do you have to yell *everything*?!
NELLIEL: SAND HUSBAND IS THAT WAY!
ICHIGO: The heck you talkin' about, kid?!
SAND HUSBAND: III have been awaakenned from myy saanndy slummmberrrrr...
II am Saand Huusbaannd,
Guarrdian of the saaaannd.
Prepare to be irritated by my many individual graiiinns that comprise my beiinnng.
NELLIEL: Sand Husband is J. Grobo's castle guardian!
Not ain't nothing ever got by him!
ICHIGO: Oh, he's Jidanbō(!)
URYŪ: Yes, this is basically Jidanbō again.
CHAD: Do that thing where you stick your sword up in the air!
That was really funny last time!
SAND HUSBAND: II do not care about sworrrds...
I am saaaannd!
I am coarrrse, and rouuugh, and I get everywherrrrre...
ICHIGO: I really gotta sand it to ya...
You're a lot bigger than Jidanbō was.
But Jidanbō didn't have to deal with my
GETSUGA TENSHŌ!
SAND HUSBAND: AAGGHH...!
MY PRECIOUS SAND ORGANS...!
MY SAND BRAIN!
Just kidding! Sand doesn't feel paiin.
I do not have nerrrves...
ONLY SAAAAND!
Let me return your earlier sentiment and
GIVE YOU A SAND!
ICHIGO: Gah!
Guh!
SAND HUSBAND: See, it's much funnier because my hand is actually made of sand,
so the pun is still technically based on truuuuth!
Have a tornado.
NELLIEL: The endy times have come!
Ahhhh! ULTRA-FRIEND!!
ICHIGO: Hold on!
NELLIEL: Ultra-friend save Nel...
SAND HUSBAND: Have two additional tornadoes.
URYŪ: All right, muscle! Do you think you can go all Twister Punch on these ones?
CHAD: If he does not bleed, I cannot kill him.
That is just common sense!
ICHIGO: What are we gonna do?
CHAD: I did not say I wouldn't TRYYYY!!
SAND HUSBAND: Erh!
NELLIEL: Yous guys beat old Sand Husband!
You orphaned his sand kids!
ICHIGO: He had a family??
PESCHE: Sand Husband was abusive. They're better off without him.
SAND HUSBAND: Do not talk about Sand Husband like Sand Husband isn't here!
ICHIGO: How do we fight something we can't hurt?
We don't have the skills for this!
How about you guys?
URYŪ: We can pretty much just break things.
CHAD: We came ill-prepared.
SAND HUSBAND: You will now enter my stomach, where you will be ground to death byy...
...SSAAAAAAA--!
...SSAAAAAAA--! RUKIA: Sode no Shirayuki!
Heya, tiger~! You really can't function without us, huh?
NELLIEL: How many super reaper friends did you bring, Ichigo?
RUKIA: Hahh!
ICHIGO: RUKIA! CAN WE *PLEASE* HAVE ONE REUNION WHERE YOU
DON'T!
DON'T! HIT!
DON'T! HIT! MY!
DON'T! HIT! MY! FACE?!
RENJI: Hiii yaagh!
It's like a tradition, right? Close friends hit your face?
I like this tradition. Never visit me.
RUKIA: How could you just head off to Hueco Mundo without us, you idiot?
ICHIGO: You were ordered to stay out of it.
RUKIA: I was also supposed to be executed!
*Obviously* I don't care much for Soul Society telling me what I can and can't do.
ICHIGO: Please tell me that Byakuya is not gonna come after you again.
I'm not sure I can do what I did last time again.
RENJI: That's a bridge we should probably cross when we get there.
RUKIA: We're always gonna be on your side, idiot.
You've done more for us than we could ever repay you for.
RENJI: Plus, we figure we get your chick back and we'll be super-even.
Also, heroes in Soul Society if we beat some Espada.
There is a lot in this for us.
???: [shrill voice] SAAAANNNNND!!
NELLIEL: It's Sand Husband's terrifying house wife...!
SAND WIFE!
SAND WIFE: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A HARDWORKING MAN WITH A GOOD JOB?!
WHO IS ALSO MADE OF SAND?!
DONDOCHAKKA: She's pulling us under!
SAND WIFE: YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND MY FEELIINNGS!!
RUKIA: Nguhh-ughh!
Really need to watch my footing!
RENJI: Rukia?! How did you get all the way over there??
RUKIA: The sand gently tossed me!
(Groaning / yelling)
ALL: (Screaming / yelling)
URYŪ: DAMN YOU, SAND! ENEMY OF FRICTIOOOOOO--!
[Underground boom / snap]
SAGET ICHIGO: Suffice this to say kids, everything was going just fine until Renji showed up.
Just pointing that out.
[Outro theme]
MESSENGER: Excuse me, Captain Commander...
There's been an unsanctioned journey to Hueco Mundo.
Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia both strayed from their post and are off to assist Ichigo.
YAMAMOTO: Whatever! The kid's grieving.
If they want to go hang out with him a few extra days, we'll slap 'em on the wrist when they get back, we will.
Make some execution jokes about Rukia, I'll have a good time.
You know, that Ichigo kid...
He's a good egg.
We should really be nicer to him, we should.
MESSENGER: Sir, I think you misunderstand. They went to Hueco Mundo.
Ichigo Kurosaki disobeyed your orders and went after Orihime Inoue.
YAMAMOTO: That little *brat*! I always know he was trouble!
He's barking up a *burning tree*, he is!
MESSENGER: He left with his Quincy and human friend.
YAMAMOTO: The big guy was a Quincy?
MESSENGER: The other one, sir.
YAMAMOTO: That *nerdy* guy was a Quincy?! I killed those guys forever ago!
A'ight! This is never gonna stand!
Send Rukia and Renji after them and execute the whole lot!
MESSENGER: Sir...
Rukia and Renji--
YAMAMOTO: RIGHT, right; the first thing you said.
Oiii...
KEN TYNAN: Thanks for watching.
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