How to flirt with a guy to show him your value. Hey, it's Mark here. Australia's dating coach
from Make Him Yours. And today, we are covering one of my favorite and the most important
topics, which is how to communicate your value through flirting. It's one thing to be high
value, but you also have to be able to communicate that and to demonstrate it. And so I'm going
to show you how to do that through flirting, to become an amazing flirt. And I've got Jermia
back with me with some scenes as well, which is going to be a ton of fun. So before we
get into the content today, you know, I was talking to a client a little while ago and
she was telling me a story of her in a bar where she was in a bar and the guy was flirting,
and she just felt very uncertain and unsure how to respond.
And I could see what the guy was doing and what was going on. And she wasn't able to
communicate her value in that experience. And she was kind of stressed out by it. And,
and to be honest, a little frustrated. So I want to take a couple of similar scenarios,
run you through them and show you how to powerfully communicate your value through flirting in,
in any sort of flirting environment could be a bar, it could be elsewhere. Before we
get into exactly how to do that. You have to understand two concepts, two key concepts.
The first one is what is flirting. What even is flirting, a lot of people struggle to define
that term. So the reason humans learn to flirt is that what we needed to do was we needed
to see furthermore if we were attracted to someone, but even more importantly, if that
person had the value that matched their initial attractiveness level.
So human beings are all made equal. Right? We're all equal. We're all human. We're all
the same. But in terms of partner value, evolutionarily speaking, our ancestors grew brains because
they knew not all partners were made equal. Okay? Some people had a lot of resources.
Some people had a lot of confidence. Some people had a lot of breeding value. Others
unfortunately did not have so much as a partner, which would mean that your progeny would not
survive or even not be created at all. So flirting, what is flirting? Flirting is the
way that we assess or weigh up someone else's breeding or partner-value using play. And
that's the key point is flirting has to be done in a socially acceptable way. So the
reason humans evolved flirting is that we needed a way to assess someone fairly quickly
on their partner-value.
But it's, it's weird to ask those questions and it just doesn't work, so that's why it
developed into play. And so we use play to establish someone's potential partner-value,
i.e. flirting. Now, the second important concept to understand about human psychology is that
we believe about people, what they believe about themselves. In other words, if I'm talking
to you, any man's talking to you, subconsciously, our brains have been designed to read your
partner-value from the way you act, what you say, et cetera, what you communicate. I know
arrogance isn't attractive, but of course, true confidence is attractive. And the reason
it is, is because if someone's confident, we assume that they've had a lot of positive
past experiences, and so we say, "Oh, they must, they must be good value. They've had
positive past experiences." Someone lacks confidence. Unfortunately, the opposite is
true. We assume that they haven't had a lot of positive past experiences and thus, then
not as high on a breeding partner-value, our brain registers them lower.
And this is why I want you to be able to communicate your value. So you need to be able to communicate
your value using play to a guy. And that's what flirting is. And that's what successful
flirts do. So now, let's work through some examples on exactly how to do that. Let's
say you're in some sort of flirting scenario, you're with a guy that you've just met, and
he goes to introduce you to some friends. And he says something like this,
Mark: "Hey guys, this is my new wife, Jermia. She's really lucky to be married to me."
Now, this is really interesting because notice what the guy is doing there, okay? Whether
he's conscious of it or not, and most of the time he won't be, he is showing value, right?
He's raising his opinion. He's kind of pedestaling himself saying "She's so lucky to be my wife."
Like, "You're so lucky to have me." And he's, he's positioning himself as the prize. Subconsciously,
what he's doing is waiting for the woman's response. Notice he's done all of it using
play. So he's positioned himself using play. And now he's going to see what the woman's
response will be and where she positions herself relative to him.
Mark: "Hey guys, this is my new wife. She's really lucky to be married to me."
Jermia: "If anyone knows of any replacement husbands, please let me know because I'm desperately
in need of an upgrade."
Jermia: "Uh, excuse me. I think you're the one who's lucky to be married to me, hubby."
Jermia: "Don't be silly."
Jermia: "We're not married!"
Okay. Did you notice how the last two there didn't really hit? Jermia's responses, didn't
they, they felt off, right? They just, they didn't work, especially that last one. The
guy's communicated his value here. And in that very first response from Jermia, she
was like, "What? Guys, he's lucky to be married to me. In fact, I need an upgrade." So Jermia
has actually positioned herself above him in partner-value, using play. In the second
response, she wasn't as witty, but she's still able to go with it. She basically communicated,
"Hey, no, you're lucky to be with me!" In the third one, she just kind of awkwardly
laughed. And in the fourth one, she was totally unaware there was a game going on. So her
perceived value goes, goes right at the bottom. You know, her value is the same regardless,
but what she communicated to the guy and what he perceived using play was completely different.
So let's have a look at another example. Let's say the guy says this,
Mark: "Alright, we're going to be a team. I'm going to be the brains, and the brawn,
and the looks, and you're going to be my sidekick. Deal?
Jermia: "Okay, so the fact that you even think that means that I'm obviously the brains,
and look, I went to gym last week, so I'll be the brawn too. I will let you have the
looks because we need something to distract them while the real work is going on over here."
Mark: "And you're going to be my sidekick, deal?"
Jermia: "Our team is doomed."
Mark: "...and the looks. And you're going to be my sidekick. Deal?"
Jermia: "Huh? Okay!"
Mark: "And you're going to be my sidekick. Deal?"
Jermia: "What team? What for?"
Now again, look at what the guy's doing here. He's using play to make up that he's awesome.
Now, in the first response, Jermia was like, "No, no, no, no. I'm not having any of this."
Right. It was an awesome positioning statement. There was no way he was, she was letting him
position himself that far above her. In the second statement, she's, she says our team
is doomed. So she's still going with the game and still communicating an equal value. In
the third one, again, she kind of knew the game was happening, but wasn't able to respond
confidently, which doesn't communicate anyone near as much value. And the fourth one, totally
unaware of the game. Her value wasn't communicated. And she left the guy in a position above her,
which kills his attraction. Let's have a look at one more. One more example, just to really
drive this home. Let's say you meet a celebrity, or let's say you meet someone who typically
has kind of a high opinion of themselves borders on arrogance, but not quite. And you just
want to bring them down a peg using play to show that you have equal value to them as
well, to communicate that value. So let's say the guy says this,
Mark: "I'm glad you're having fun. Lucky, I set this up and invited you, hey!"
Jermia: "You were lucky that someone as charming as me came along. Gosh, I make you look good.
What would you do without me?"
Mark: "Lucky, I set this up and invited you, hey!"
Jermia: "Don't forget that you're lucky that I came along."
Mark: "Lucky. I set this up and invited you, hey!"
Jermia: "Yeah, I suppose so."
Mark: "...and invited you, hey!
Jermia: "I seriously didn't think you were going to invite me. I'm sooo lucky! Thank
you so much!"
So again, can you see how gradually with those responses, the woman was less and less able
to communicate her value. On one, she used play and she said, "There's no way you're positioning
yourself above me." On the second one, not quite as witty, but she said, "No, you're lucky
too." And it gradually descended from there to where she's saying, "I'm so lucky you invited
me. You're up on a pedestal." And he's like, "But I'm not attracted anymore." That's it!
That's the game of flirting, right? That's how humans use play to weigh up partner-value
and flirt with one another. Get good at playing these games. Just, just having fun with it,
positioning yourself. And it's cool cause you get to say all kind of like chest-pumping
statements and, and flaunting statements. And none of it's serious. It's all play, but
it does have an underlying mechanism that communicates your value and creates attraction
in the man.
So have some fun with it. Learn these concepts, go out and practice. And most importantly,
do not beat yourself up. If you get the wrong celebrate action, always. That's all that
matters. Not results. Thank you for watching! I love flirting. I hope you enjoyed the video
too. What have you had a guy say to you that you didn't know how to respond to? That, I
would love to know. Put those in the space below as well. Hit the subscribe button and
the like button. And don't forget with your subscribe button and the little bell next,
so you get the notifications as well and continue to empower yourself through growth, authenticity,
and self esteem. My name's Mark Rosenfeld, Australia's dating coach. Thank you for watching,
and I'll see you in the next video real soon.
Mark: I can hear people. It's you guys on the mic. They do.
Jermia: Can I be excused? Uhh you sit here and you watch!
Mark: You sit through it.
Jermia: Jermia.
Mark: Jermiah?
Jermia: Jermia. Jer-me-uh. Hmm... I love the taste of hair.
Jermia: What?
Mark: What was that? What just happened?
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