In addition to being the cradle of civilization, Mesopotamians were also the beta users of the
marriage application of the LifeOS. But unlike the Indians, who began as a matriarchal society,
Mesopotamians were inherently patriarchal from the beginning and had entirely different ideas about
married life altogether. But before we time travel to a customary Mesopotamian wedding ceremony,
be sure to grab a gift for the soon to be wed couple by smashing the subscribe and like button.
The bride approaches the ceremonial altar clutching her father’s arm, the groom well he
waits nervously at the end scanning the scene surrounding him. His eyes halt on the gifts,
which shortly will be exchanged. Family members stand around making the atmosphere festive. Now
don’t get it twisted, this is not a fancy modern wedding at Long Island New York or a quaint,
classy church in Montreal. This was a wedding happening in ancient Mesopotamia, which roughly
comprises modern Iraq, Iran, Kuwait, and parts of Syria, and is often credited as the birthplace
of western civilization. It is pretty evident given how some of their customs and rituals echo
the contemporary traditions of the present times. Now no wedding today is complete without deciding
over and over the menu at least a million times so that the guest can be happy. Things were not very
different back then either. The wedding’s legitimacy was entirely dependent on the
occurrence of the feast along with the ceremony. Food mattered. The whole process of the wedding
had a very set pattern that must be followed to make the marriage legal. Every wedding started
with an engagement and/or a marriage contract between the groom and the father of the bride.
Both families exchanged gifts and payments, which may or may not include a dowry and a bride-price.
Then came the feast and main ceremony followed by the bride moving to her father-in-law’s house.
But the wedding, it wasn’t over just yet. Grooms and Brides were obligated to not only consummate
the very night of the wedding but they had to make sure they got pregnant too! Well,
how do you guarantee that? The failure to procreate or consummate the very night would be
enough grounds for the groom to return the bride to her father like some sort of product eligible
for refund. Even lack of virginity could be used as a ground for annulment if the new husband found
her new wife ‘lacking that feature’. Kind of like taking a car back because the GPS isn’t working.
The objectification of the women did not stop there, this sort of business was in
practice because many fathers would auction their daughter’s hand to the highest bidder.
Now surely that may have appalled you enough on the grounds of sexism but wait! There is
more. While the men had the liberty of returning their new wives just for not being fertile enough,
according to Greek historian Herodotus, women, on the other hand,
were at the mercy of strangers outside the Temple of Goddess Ishtar to procreate
in case the husband is no longer able to provide kids. So let me get this right.
The husband can’t father children so she has to grab a stranger on the street and make a baby.
Okay. Now a lot of historians have recently argued against the possibility of this sacred
prostitution practice but they do agree that Herodotus claims were not entirely wrong.
Earlier we mentioned the daughters were put up on auction for marriage.
To some this whole process of marriage is more like a transaction rather than a relationship.
But you know what, that’s exactly what the institution of marriage was for the Mesopotamians.
Marriage was a business and it started with a legally binding contract between the two families.
The whole institution of marriage was designed as a necessity to ensure procreation. Companionship?
Never really considered a part of it. The marriages were more of a communal requirement
rather than a means to achieve personal happiness.
Companionship was more common in live-in relationships, which were rare but they did exist.
Once married, the girl became a full member of her future husband's family. If he died, she
would marry one of his brothers or, if he didn’t have any brothers, one of his near relatives. If
these conditions did not take place, her father returned all his rights over her and gave back
all the presents that she had received except those consumed. Now the interesting thing is,
if the girl died, and her intended husband did not want to marry one of her sisters, he would
take back all the presents that he had given her. As the pregnancy was very important to consummate
the marriage, children would become part of the family real soon. And just like the wife, the kids
were also the property of the man of the house. Legal documents of the time addressed fathers
as ‘masters’ or ‘owners’ of their kids. Children could be even deposited to creditors as security
for the repayment of a debt. Current banks, they don’t accept that kind of collateral anymore.
Despite being heavily misogynistic and champions of the women objectification league,
Mesopotamians were ironically not so prude about sexual pleasure. Indeed, they forbid premarital
sex for women for the sanctity of their virginity and considered procreation the main goal of carnal
activities. But they were pretty chill about the pleasure aspect as well. Similarly, even
though marriages were mostly arranged, love and romance were not forbidden or outlawed. In fact,
Mesopotamians were perhaps the world’s first love song and poem composers. Mesopotamian healers even
had identified lovesickness as a real ailment. Still, love and marriage were a different matter
altogether for them. Love was an affair between two people while marriage was a pact between
two families and a means to keep the population growing. Now to keep the young lovers in check,
hefty penalties were levied over breaching the contract of the upcoming marriage. For instance,
if a groom breaks the engagement, his father may need to pay double the bride price to the father
of the bride. Yeah, just ask Shakespeare! Not. But jokes aside, marriage was indeed a serious
business for Mesopotamians. Even after the wedding, divorces carried a serious stigma
and they happened only on very rare occasions. Now while husbands had the first right to call
for a divorce, wives, well they could ask for it on the basis of negligence or abuse.
Given they provide enough evidence. And remember there were no smartphones then to take pictures,
you know for evidence. Now even though all the Mesopotamian customs seem bizarre and downright
cruel in some cases, they still exist in the modern world in one form or the other. Many modern
marriages, begun with great promise, end badly, while others, which initially struggle, endure
for a lifetime. Tell us in the comments what your thoughts are about it. And if you enjoyed
the video do not forget to like and share it. Oh and by the way, thanks for watching Nutty History.