My child you were late for the meeting with your careers counsellor
But mother I am in my cocoon of blankets and dreams
I swear on Christmas ornaments if you don't get up out of bed right now
okay, okay, okay
Okay sweetie have a great day
arghhhh!
So, you've decided your future is not important
What?
Well obviously you have because you clearly have no concept of time
Sorry.
Sorry! You fool! Don't you understand how important this is? Do you? DO YOU?
I do it's just I don't know what to do
I am so sick of you children not even trying to take these 2 years seriously.
Don't you understand how significant this is?
I didn't want to have to use my powers.
Powers?
What the?
Welcome to VCAA headquarters. For your future, fill out criteria. How may I help you?
Yeah, I was just wondering...
According to my suddenly updated schedule it seems you have an appointment with the Subjects.
The subjects?
Just go down the offices and the corridor until you see a door, you will know which one
okay, thanks
Come in
Welcome to VCAA headquarters. We are ...
the subjects.
Okay
I'm English, the core subject
I'm compulsory for all, therefore I am scaled down
I have selected some of the subjects offered in VCE
for you to ask questions of
so that you may choose the best future that we want you to have
Do you understand?
I think so. How am I talking to you exactly?
You're doing research actually.
What kind of questions should I be asking?
I'll help you with the first one
Let's start with Literature... my alternative
Ah yes I will be taking it from here old boy.
Essentially child, my subject is the study of text and only the most complicated, emotionally draining and extremely disturbing of them all.
Now I can analyse even the smallest of things and for this I am scaled up
'tis quite a joyful strain for some students
Honestly Literature, must you always brag about your scaling advantages
Oh Shhh Theatre. Like it's even hard to get a good score in your subject.
Do you even know who Stanislavski is? DO YOU?
And this is Theatre Studies and Drama, you can lump them together, most people do.
How DARE you?
Can we calm down for a moment I'm trying to tell the child about my grand subject.
Oh honestly. Hey Literature, look at these books.
You're a monster.
You fool. You've killed my analytical soul.
Is he...dead?
If only. No I've merely closed him for you.
This is pretty important isn't it?
Archie don't you remember what your mother told you before you started school?
What?
Momma what's school like?
Well honey, it's a place where you have fun and learn at separate times.
SEP-AR-ATE?
Shh. Now Archie, school is all about getting ready to be a grown up like me.
Can you do that?
Sure hope so.
Good, good. Just remember school is very important.
Okay Momma I will do my best just for you.
You better.
That's a great flashback. Just a little bit more and we will truly understand you.
How did you do that?
What can I say, I'm Media.
Where are you even looking?
Through the fourth wall.
Right, I see.
I suppose I should meet the rest of the subjects then.
Hello Archie.
We are the Sciences.
Oh really Biology?
Hey man, at least I'm not Psychology.
Okay this is really confusing, which subjects are the best to choose?
Who are you?
I can't understand anything you are saying and why do you keep changing languages?
Ohhh.
Right, why are you the best subject to study?
Yeah Literature was talking about that before. Why are some scaled up and others scaled down?
We prepared a diagram of scaling for you just to help you understand.
Now you see it's important to choose subjects in this range here.
Do all the course work, do well in SAC's and then have your marks moderated during exams in order to be successful.
Is that seriously what happens during exams? I wonder?
Oh sorry, I didn't read the story board.
Hey man what's up?
I just have an exam.
What subject?
Does it matter?
I suppose not.
Are you okay?
No.
Oh Archie, she's a lovely little button. Who is she?
She's a family friend. She's graduated now.
Can you please stop going into my memory it's really creeping me out
Do you honestly think we can know enough about you from your present?
Have you even seen 'Citizen Kane'?
Hello Archie. I'm Methods and this is Further and Specialist.
All you need to know is that Further is a walk in the park and Specialist is only pretending to be hard.
I don't know what he is complaining about, my subject is far more difficult.
Cubed and then divided by itself into its own volume. Figure out the maths. Figure out the maths!
We get to take our notebook into an exam.
An EXAM!
Please, Further, Specialist at least pretend to care in the boys future or admit that I am better than you
so we can make the right decisions.
Archie you should pick me.
Have something to say Drama? Want to devise a solo about it?
Well at least we don't rely on pre-written rubbish like you.
You honestly! I am sick of you Drama. You with your acting and your script writing.
You know what? I won't have any more of it. You don't even know what a stage craft is.
Yes we do, we study stage crafts in Drama as well.
You do?
Yes so maybe you should think about that before thinking that we don't know about you and you don't know about us.
Next thing that you will be telling me is that you use the dramatic elements.
Well of course we do.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh snap! LOTE thinks it's better than us.
Enough!
You are nothing but subjects. Nothing but courses structured to fill the minds of students for 2 years.
And after you there is so much more
and after a while you become redundant.
So why is everyone putting this pressure on us to choose 'the right ones'?
Why can't we just have fun while we are here?
Now I don't speak for all students but neither do you, Subjects.
So I'm going to do what makes me
makes me
I'm going to leave.
Wait Archie! What subjects are you going to choose?
You don't get it, do you?
You can't leave until you've chosen.
You belong here.
Hey Media, can you analyse this for me?
Oh, from the flashbacks. Nice use of mise en scene.
Hey English I've got some language analysis for you.
No Media look what you've done!
No Drama, I couldn't, I couldn't live without you!
Media, how do I leave?
It all depends on the reception context of your situation.
Rec-ep-tion? Oh I get it - Reception - thanks Media.
Anytime.
Take me back right now.
"Just one time is not enough"
"But two times is way too much"
"I don't know but I think you're alright"
"You've got to learn to have no fear"
"If you wanna make it around here"
"The faces in the dark that you have to fight"
"and I know, I know"
"Her eyes are the colour of the ocean"