(upbeat music)
(somber music)
- Is there any word about Katie?
- I'm afraid she's still missing.
(beep)
- Where is she?
- We do have more information now, though,
and we'd like you two to update
her friends and family for their search efforts.
- Yeah, we'll do anything.
- Of course. - Great.
We have a photo of what she was wearing
the last time she was seen.
- Oh.
It says "Am airplane." - Okay.
- And this is the back of it.
- Yeah, maybe this'll...
- It's a penis.
- I can see that. - With testicles.
- Yeah, we can see that.
- And it appears as if the penis has its own birthday cake,
and is celebrating its 25th birthday,
judging by the number of candles.
- Uh, okay.
And this is the
last thing that Katie was wearing?
She didn't have a hoodie covering it, or--
- Big sack?
- No, that's impossible,
it's not sack or hoodie weather.
She was wearing a T-shirt.
- We'll just have to make sure everyone knows
to look for...
for that.
- And we also found some photos on Instagram
from where we believe is the location she went missing.
- [Mike] Okay.
- And we are gonna want you
to get the word out about that.
We have witnesses that reported seeing her
at this kissing booth at least 10 times that day.
- Okay. - Wow.
So...
- So I'm gonna send you these photos for you to share,
maybe put 'em up around the office.
- Do you have any information
that's a little more
normal?
- Yes, what a great question,
because it just might be a little bit awkward
to relay (chuckling) all this information
to her parents, and her husband, and literally anybody.
- Hey, listen up!
Do you wanna find your friend, or not?
- Yes, yeah, we do. - Yes, of course.
- Just, I wouldn't say she's my friend.
- We really are coworkers, sort of at best.
- Then I suggest that you write down
every little thing that I say.
- (beep) - Okay, sorry.
- All right, now, the last text message
that she sent from her phone was to someone named
Smoking Hot Cousin.
- Oh, come on!
- The message was a voice recording of her saying,
"That was a good poop.
"I could eat up your little poops with a fork and knife.
"Momma's good dog makes all the best poops.
"Smells so poopy and fresh.
"Third poop of the day!
"What a good boy."
- Okay, please stop, we get it.
- Seems like she was talking to her dog
and accidentally left that voice message.
- I mean, that's the best case scenario, right?
- She also has a very unique tattoo--
- Oh, Christ.
- Spanning the length of her back.
- Of course she does.
- [Investigator] Here is the design.
- [Mike] Okay.
- Katie did it herself.
- Yeah, that's pretty obvious.
- What you need to do is you need
to tell everyone about this tattoo.
It is a key identification mark.
Hold on.
(cell phone ringing)
I have to take this,
so why don't you two get started
by calling her parents?
Here is the number.
- Wanna...
- Well, not it.
- You're my boss.
- Fine, I'll take it, fine.
Fine!
- Thank you.
- Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Marovitch.
No, we haven't found Katie,
but we do have some more information
that we thought we would share with you.
You know what, actually,
Rekha's really good at explaining this.
(mumbling)
You have to talk to them!
(thudding)
- Hi!
We found out that Katie was last seen at a,
a pepperoni festival,
wearing a novelty shirt with a
25-year-old penis and a birthday cake.
No, this, I swear to you, this is not a prank.
This is not a...
(sighs) They hung up.
- I mean, that makes sense.
- That was the lead detective.
Katie's body has been found.
I'm very sorry.
She snuck into a pepperoni factory after hours
and choked to death, (sighs)
trying to eat a plastic pepperoni display.
I'm very sorry, again,
and the force thanks you
for your efforts.
- Okay, uh.
So...
Does that mean that we don't have to
tell people about this stuff?
- The investigation's over.
(both sighing in relief)
- What a relief! (Mike chuckling)
- Oh, my god.
- I don't wanna touch it. (laughs)
- Yeah, why was there plastic pepperoni
in a pepperoni factory?
- It begs the question,
maybe that person deserves to die.
I don't know. - I don't know.
- I'm not God, but, (laughs)
does such a person deserve to live? (laughs)
- Ahh.
- Whoo!
- Hi, it's me, child actor Katie Marovitch.
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Okay, I all done!
I want my mommy now!
(upbeat music)