My neighbor one day it was 12 years ago.
And he goes to the front door and he opens it up to get his newspaper.
And he picks it up and there's a snail there.
And he just takes it and he throws it.
>> [LAUGH] >> And then,
like 12 years later he goes to get, opens the front door picks up the newspaper.
Snails there.
Snail looks up and he goes, what the hell is that.
>> [LAUGH] It was a joke.
>> I couldn't resist.
>> Yeah.
>> [APPLAUSE] >> And I cleaned that up too.
>> Did you clean it up?
>> I did clean it up.
>> Cuz, yeah, you wouldn't say, it like that on your show, would you?
>> No, I would not.
>> [LAUGH]. >> No.
That's a very funny joke.
You said, it like it was a true story and everything.
>> Yeah, good.
>> I'm happy to see it.
We'll talk about veep.
I texted you telling you how hilarious it is and this season,
it seems to be even funnier.
>> Thanks, Ellen.
Thank you. >> I don't know, how you
all make it through.
But I haven't seen you in a while.
The last time you were here, you were on the show with Martha Stewart.
>> [LAUGH] Yeah. >> And
we were trying to do Christmas decorations.
>> I don't think, she appreciated my help.
>> No.
>> I mean. >> No.
>> Honestly, I was very excited to be with Martha Stewart.
Are showing the thing?
>> Yeah, so it was Julia Roberts,
>> [LAUGH] >> And you and me.
And Martha Stewart was really serious as she always is about these things.
>> Yes. >> Because that's what she does.
We were not.
I kept thinking, it reminded me of Missus Jackson in third grade, like I was
going to get in huge trouble with Martha Stewart, and I think, I kind of did.
I don't think, she cares for me, to be honest.
>> No, I don't know what we were trying to make.
>> Trying to make coasters and
reindeer things that didn't really make much sense, no offense.
>> No. >> [LAUGH]
>> But we did have fun.
>> We had a ball.
>> We had a lot of fun, and I just heard in the meeting this morning-
>> Yes?
>> Which I would've talked to you about.
>> What meeting?
>> We have a meeting about you every day.
>> [LAUGH] >> Whether you're here, or not.
>> My God. >> Yes.
Every morning.
>> I am like stunned to hear that [LAUGH].
>> Okay, and so, coincidentally you're here, so I can ask you about it.
You just went to the Maldives.
>> I did. >> Now, are the Maldives, forgive me for
not knowing my geography, but.
>> That's all right, I don't think, I can answer your next question [LAUGH].
>> [LAUGH] >> Like where are the Maldives?
Shows it's kinda Africa?
The Maldives are Africa, is that near Caicos?
>> No, I don't know, if they are in the Seychelles, I've never been there, but
they're in the Indian Ocean, and they're near Sri Lanka and stuff like that.
>> [LAUGH] >> Stuff like, all you know is Sri Lanka?
>> [LAUGH] Yeah, that's it.
>> And stuff like that.
>> What else is near Sri Lanka?
>> I didn't get past third grade with Mrs Jackson.
That's all I can tell you.
>> [LAUGH] >> Clearly, okay, so
there's a picture of like a shark that you're.
>> Yes, so it was so unbelievable.
Yes, can you believe that what that looks like?
>> No.
>> I just need you to understand something.
We jumped into the water with this animal.
It was very unusual to be able to do this, cuz they're kind of shy.
>> What is it?
>> It's a whale shark >> Whale shark.
>> Which is the largest fish in the world.
>> Really?
>> Yes, and fish.
>> Fish not a mammal, yes.
>> Correct and it doesn't eat you, so that's a good thing.
>> Yes. >> [LAUGH]
>> It eats plankton, which is why, look.
>> But you see, and that's a small one.
And by the way, we were there with a sort of male adolescent who was about 22 feet
long, and it was [SOUND].
And so, we're swimming along with it, and this thing, it's so graceful.
It's going like this, and it seems to be moving really slowly, I mean,
we're going like this so hard to keep up.
I mean, it was incredible.
And then, after a while, I kind of got into this meditative state.
And I don't know, if you can tell by looking at the skin of the fish, but
it's so beautiful.
>> And I kept, I started thinking,
God, it should, that would make the most gorgeous fabric.
>> [LAUGH] >> I should copy that design.
Do you see how fabulous looking that is?
>> [LAUGH] >> You're not thinking?
>> Maybe you should put that.
>> [LAUGH] >> You're not thinking
of skinning a shark, are you?
>> Of course not.
I'm saying, copying it.
>> Okay. >> Stealing instead,
I'm thinking plagiarizing is what I'm thinking really.
>> I see, I see.
>> [LAUGH] >> Because.
Look how pretty that would be- >> No, it's-
>> In like a curtain.
>> It would be a great drape.
That would be a- >> You know, it would look nice.
>> I do know- >> Yeah.
>> It would look, it would be- >> Put that in your line.
Do you make curtains?
>> Yes. >> Ellen, okay.
>> I have fabric.
You can do whatever you want with it.
You could make a curtain, but.
Yes, it's gonna be a whale-shark curtain pattern.
>> Thank you. >> Yes.
>> Good, I'm gonna buy it, you're welcome.
>> Yes, and I'm gonna come to your house and look at it, and we'll recount this,
and laugh and drink tea.
>> It's gonna be marvelous, and then, you can talk about it at your next meeting.
>> [LAUGH]