>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND,
EVERYBODY. GOOD TO SEE Y'ALL.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN. >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU
FOLKS TONIGHT. I MISSED Y'ALL.
>> MISSED YOU TOO, MAN. GOOD TO BE BACK.
>> Stephen: IT'S LOVELY. THIS WAS-- PLEASE HAVE A SEAT,
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I MISSED THAT ENERGY.
IT WAS NICE TO HAVE ALL THIS TIME OFF.
WE HAD A REALLY NICE LONG SUMMER BREAK.
ANYBODY DO ANYTHING FUN OVER THE BREAK OVER THERE.
>> I DID THE TINY DESK, WITH NPR'S TINY DESK WITH MY BAND.
>> Stephen: I CAN GO WATCH THAT NOW, RIGHT, CAN CAN WATCH
IT NOW. THAT'S FANTASTIC.
I WENT TO-- WHERE THE LADIES WEAR NO PANTS, SO I HEARD, YOU
KNOW WHAT, I WENT TO FRENCH BULL FIGHTING AND IN FRANCE THEY
DON'T HURT THE BULL. >> THAT'S COOL.
>> Stephen: LIKE THEY DO IN SPAIN, IN FRANCE THEY HAVE BULL
RACES WHERE GUYS GET IN THE RING WITH BULLS AND RUN AWAY FROM THE
BULL, IF THAT IS THE SUPPORT, SPORT, I'M A NATURAL.
ALEX WAGNER, MSNBC'S ALEX WAGNER WILL BE OUT HERE IN A MOMENT.
AND VERY FUNNY MAN, VERY FUNNY MAN FROM THE DAILY SHOW, ROY
WOOD, JR. SO STICK AROUND FOR THAT.
FOLKS, AS YOU KNOW, I AM A MASSIVE TECH HEAD.
I'M SO TECH-SAVVY, I JUST INVESTED ALL MY BITCOINS IN
GOOGLE GLASS. OH, IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN!
AND I LIKE TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE LATEST IN TECH, IN MY
SEGMENT, "CYBORGASM."
FIRST UP IN THE C.B.-GAZ, "SNAPCHAT IS ROLLING OUT AN
OPTION TO LET PARENTS SEE WHO THEIR TEENS ARE MESSAGING."
SHOULD GO SMOOTHLY. "HEY, SON.
CAN YOU SHOW ME HOW TO USE THE APP-SHOP TO GET THE CHAT-SNAP?
I JUST WANT TO SPY ON YA. WAIT, WHO IS 'APPLE I.D.' AND
HOW DOES HE HAVE OUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER?"
NEXT UP, WORD IS THAT "SCIENTISTS HAVE DEVELOPED A
SMALL ROBOT TO UNDERSTAND HOW ANTS TEACH ONE ANOTHER," USING
THE ROBOT TO LEARN HOW "AN ANT THAT HAS DISCOVERED A MUCH
BETTER NEW NEST CAN TEACH THE ROUTE THERE TO ANOTHER
INDIVIDUAL." THE FINAL STEP WILL BE
CONVINCING THE DAD ANTS TO ACTUALLY USE THOSE DIRECTIONS.
"NOPE, WE'RE TAKING THE ROTTEN TWIG PAST THE OLD CHEERIO.
THERE'S NO WAY IT'S BUSY THIS TIME OF DAY--
AW, MAN! A LEAF?
AND EVERYONE'S SLOWING DOWN TO LOOK AT THE LEAF!
HEY, GUYS, WE'VE ALL SEEN LEAVES!"
REALLY? SCIENTISTS FOUND THAT IF
THEY MADE A TINY ROBOT TO LEAD A REAL ANT ALONG THE ROUTE,
"THE PUPIL ANT LEARNS THE ROUTE SUFFICIENTLY WELL THAT IT CAN
FIND ITS OWN WAY BACK HOME, AND THEN LEAD ANOTHER ANT TO THE NEW
NEST, AND SO ON." SAME WAY HUMANS LEARN THE
LOCATION OF COSTCO SAMPLES. "TAKE A LEFT AT THE KIRKLAND
BATTERIES, PAST THE CANOES, AND IT'S A PARADISE OF TERIYAKI
MEATBALLS! GO!
I MUST TELL THE OTHERS!" NEXT UP, ITALY'S GOT A NEW
"BARTENDING ROBOT THAT MAKES DRINKS AND REMEMBERS WHAT YOU
LIKE." IT HAS LARGE ROBOTIC ARMS
EXTENDING FROM A "TORSO" DRESSED IN A VEST AND A BOWTIE, WITH A
MONITOR-BASED "FACE" THAT SITS ON TOP, ALL OF WHICH LOOKS LIKE
THIS. AND, THAT'S HARD PASS.
I DON'T WANT THIS THING TO REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
NEXT UP, "RESTAURANT ROBOTS ARE COMING TO NEW JERSEY."
SO FAR, "WING ZONE AND WHITE CASTLE ARE INVESTING IN
ROBOTICS." GREAT.
MAYBE NEXT THEY'LL INVEST IN FOOD.
CHIPOTLE HAS ALSO DEVELOPED A ROBOT NAMED "CHIPPY," WHICH
COOKS AND SEASONS CHIPOTLE'S CHIPS WITH SALT AND FRESH LIME
JUICE. WITH ONE EXEC EXPLAINING THE
MOVE, SAYING "IT STARTED WITH, 'HOW DO WE REMOVE SOME OF THE
DREARINESS OF A WORKER STANDING AT THE FRYER, AND FRYING CHIP
BASKET AFTER CHIP BASKET'?" WELL, THIS SHOULD FIX IT.
"HEY, EVERYONE! WE'VE FIGURED OUT A WAY TO MAKE
WORKING FOR US NOT FEEL LIKE A SOUL-DESTROYING PIT OF DESPAIR.
WE'LL HAVE AN EMOTIONLESS ROBOT TAKE AWAY YOUR JOBS!
WHY'S EVERYONE CRYING? WHY IS EVERYONE CRYING?
THE ROBOTS DON'T CRY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MSNBC'S
ALEX WAGNER.