Alright, in talking about the same subject... I don't know how many of you will be able to make this point...
The bit of getting angry.
The habit of getting angry I should say. We all have the habit of getting angry.
The habit of getting angry is essentially related to this
that for the moment you have become subjectively involved with something.
And love, like I said before, is a very subjective thing
and therefore it tends to induce subjective aspects of behavior.
And I would suggest this:
That as you fall inlove with somebody or as you become that involved with somebody emotionally
to be able to sit back and enjoy the relationship and yet
not get sucked into the vortex of the ultra-subjectivity
where you lose perspective.
let me say it another way: yesterday I mentioned at the session that
the dangers of
love, was that it was a subjective thing.
and what would take its place is "understanding". I'll use that word in different ways.
When I say "understanding" - A high degree of predictability about the person you're with.
In areas... This represents a person,
and this represents this persons predictability about the other person.
Now, if I were to ask this person that has this scale of predictability about this person:
"What about... (thus and so...)?" (He'll say:) "Well, I don't know that person in that area".
If you can do that, it's very difficult to do.
I don't know what my car's like on mountain roads
but I like it in the city, I like it in Miamy, but in San francisco
the car may give me a lot of different problems.
You know, going uphill and downhill... All sorts of problems.
So when I go to San francisco I gotta do something else, brand new.
This is an exaggerated hill in San francisco.
When you park your car you turn your wheels toward the curb when you put your brakes on.
A lot of people leave the wheels headed downhill and they pull the brakes on
the same way they pulled it on in the flat country.
And so, if the brakes were to release at least your car will go into a building on the side of the hill
or the wheels will hit the curb
but if you put them straight, you've made no adjustment for that new country.
So when you meet a new person
Instead of subjectively saying: "I love everything about that person"
(Say:) "I love everything I KNOW about that person."
Now, we also must say: "What is it that I DON'T know about the person?"
I don't know what their work habits are like. Let's say... Can I use you?
Let's say I live with you and you're playing your violin.
And I say: "Shit, you know, you've been playing for 4 hours we haven't had any time together at all"
and you say: "Just another 20 minutes." and I say: "Oh, alright".
When you say: "Just another 20 minutes", you've contradicted my need, see?
I'm not saying this is true... This isn't true (this story).
Because the reason I brought it up is cause I have a need to be with you!
and you said: "Another 20 minutes..." You just Interrupted (my need).
Now, if you said to me: "I'm gonna play for about 4 hours maybe 5 hours. Can you take it?"
and I said: "I don't know" and you said: "Tough shit, this is a must for me"
"It's important for our relationship my rehearsing with violin".
Then I've gotta learn to... not "Permit you", but to "Allow"... I must accept that difference
without saying: "Huh! She thinks more of her violin practice than she does of me!".
Is that alright?
Now, if you are a hand holder, an all day hand holder
let's say you're an hand holder for 8 hours
and I get my complete relief and kicks by holding hands for an hour and a half
and I'm completely gratified cause that's all I need.
But she needs 3 hours of it.
I have no right to say: "Why don't you become a 2 hour hand holder?"
and she has no right to say: "Why don't you become an 8 hour hand holder?"
You gotta understand there's a difference on the part of the other person
and if you're more educated in that area
I would generally suggest submitting to the difference
of the person that needs the 8 hour hand holding.
You know why? Cause it should be easier for you.
It's more difficult for a person that's subjectively involved. Is there anyone that doesn't understand that?
It's easier for you.
It's easier for me.
Now, if my daughter, when she was 15, did 22 stupid things in a row
I'm always pleasantly surprised cause it wasn't 28!
Because I used to say (to myself): "What can you expect of Bambi?"
That's my daughter's name.
What can I expect of my mother?
If my mother does 27 stupid things an hour...
I'm using derogatory language here...
Because that is her pattern!
and if one day she does something pleasant, makes several good decisions
and I say: "I'm sure glad you're over that"... Shit, nobody's "over that".
No personality that you've known over the years undergos a quantom jump at behavior
Because like I indicated...