( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Ken: HELLO!
THANK YOU!
OH, MY GOD!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW" WITH ME, KEN JEONG.
THANK YOU!
YOU MAY KNOW ME AS "THAT GUY" FROM "THAT THING" WHICH YOU
PROBABLY THOUGHT WAS "OKAY."
( LAUGHTER ) I'M FILLING IN FOR JAMES CORDEN,
WHILE HE'S TAKING TIME OFF TO WORK ON ANOTHER PROJECT.
(WHISPERING) "BOTOX, NOSE JOB, LIP
INJECTIONS."
( LAUGHTER ) BUT WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY.
I'M SO GRATEFUL TO THE NINE CELEBRITIES WHO SAID NO BEFORE
JAMES ASKED ME.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A FUN FACT, YOU MAY OR
MAY NOT KNOW THIS.
BEFORE I WENT INTO COMEDY, I WAS AN ACTUAL MEDICAL DOCTOR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES!
THANK YOU.
HEAL THYSELF.
( LAUGHTER ) I WAS AN INTERNAL MEDICINE
PHYSICIAN AT KAISER PERMANENTE AND PRACTICED FOR SEVEN YEARS
BEFORE I SAID, ( BLEEP ) THAT, I'LL
BE NAKED AND FAMOUS IN A MOVIE."
AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES AMERICA GREAT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY LAUGHTER IS
THE BEST MEDICINE.
UH-UH, KLONOPIN IS THE BEST MEDICINE.
( LAUGHTER ) IT GIVES YOU A SCHOLAR'S BUZZ.
( RIM SHOT ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Ken: THANK YOU.
FOR ME, HOSTING A LATE-NIGHT SHOW, EVEN FOR ONE NIGHT, IS A
DREAM COME TRUE.
IT'S SO EXCITING KNOWING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL BE
TUNING IN AT 11:30 TO SEE ME-- WHAT?
WHEN DOES THIS AIR?
12:30?
(SIGHS) HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WILL BE
TUNING IN TO SEE ME.
( RIM SHOT ) SPEAKING OF EXCITING, TOMORROW
IS A VERY HISTORIC DAY.
THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES WILL BE VOTING ON THE
IMPEACHMENT OF DONALD TRUMP.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
I GOTTA SAY, IT IS PRETTY BALLSY OF THE HOUSE TO HOLD THEIR
IMPEACHMENT VOTE THE SAME DAY AS THE SECOND SEASON FINALE OF "THE
MASKED SINGER."
PICKED UP FOR A THIRD.
AM I RIGHT?
( RIM SHOT ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DO IT AGAIN.
( RIM SHOT ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE
HUMAN RIM SHOT!
( CHEERING ) AND WE'LL CUT THAT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, IT IS A ROUGH TIME FOR
TRUMP, ALTHOUGH MAYBE HE'LL SEE THIS
SHOW TONIGHT AND FEEL CHEERED UP THAT I'M FILLING IN FOR JAMES
CORDEN.
YOU KNOW, AN AMERICAN TAKING A JOB BACK FROM AN IMMIGRANT.
YAY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
IN OTHER NEWS, THIS WAS AN INTERESTING NEW STUDY.
SO-CALLED "ME-TIME" IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR A HEALTHY
RELATIONSHIP THAN DATE NIGHTS.
"ME TIME."
OR AS MR. CHOW CALLS IT, "HEHEHEHE."
( LAUGHTER ) COME ON, GUYS.
( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, GUYS.
WHAT?
THAT'S NOT DIRTY, I WAS ROLLING DICE FROM MY STOMACH.
GROW UP!
"ME-TIME."
I LIKE THAT TERM.
IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN THE ONE I'VE BEEN USING AROUND THE
HOUSE, "O-FACE O-CLOCK."
THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL ACTING RANGE.
( RIM SHOT ) ( LAUGHTER )
AND, FINALLY, CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE, AND IT LOOKS LIKE
SOME PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY STARTED CELEBRATING.
POLICE AT THE NASHVILLE AIRPORT DISCOVERED THAT A MAN CARRYING
SUITCASES FILLED WITH WRAPPED CHRISTMAS PRESENTS WAS ACTUALLY
SMUGGLING 84 POUNDS OF MARIJUANA.
( LAUGHTER ) SORRY, REGGIE AND THE BAND.
CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED.
( LAUGHTER ) GUYS, AS A TOKE, I WOULD NOT
ADVISE YOU TO DO THIS.
IT'S DANGEROUS, IT'S ILLEGAL YOU CAN GET IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
AND BESIDES, IF YOU WANT THAT MUCH WEED, HOLLER AT YOUR BOY
AND MEET ME IN THE BACK OF MY CAMRY.
( RIM SHOT ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )