A lack of curiosity just might kill this cat.
Two of the producers of the upcoming film adaptation of the venerable Broadway play
Cats have finally surfaced to comment on the massive backlash to the trailer's nightmarish
visual aesthetic.
Eric Fellner and Tim Bevan are the heads of Universal Pictures' partnering production
company Working Title, and in a recent conversation with Variety, the pair let the cat out of
the bag regarding reactions to the spot, and their hope that the flick will find its audience
among true fans of the play.
Fellner said:
"What does one say?
The reality is that 100 million people or more saw the trailer, and, yes, there were
some people that didn't like it, and as is the world we live in, those who didn't like
it were the most vociferous."
Bevan then jumped in to opine that those who love stage productions of Cats, which typically
feature actors wearing makeup that does not make them look like terrifying monstrosities,
totally got what the filmmakers were going for - and also that those who were turned
off by the movie's spot must have been expecting to see real, actual cats singing and dancing,
or maybe a cartoon.
He asserted:
"[The viewers who criticized the trailer] were probably people who didn't know Cats,
and the fact is they were either anticipating something animated or something that was on
four legs.
Among people who know Cats, the reaction was pretty solid."
Yikes!
Those are a couple of dubious assumptions, fella.
"Do you know how foolish you sound right now?"
It is true that there were comments from just such users scattered about the Twitterverse,
comments along the lines of, "It's Cats... what did you expect?"
But they were severely outnumbered by remarks expressing abject horror at the spot, and
wondering how on Earth the filmmakers could have failed to notice that they were fielding
a picture that didn't so much invoke the whimsy and emotion of the play as it did Cronenbergian
body horror.
Now, it's worth noting that the producers claim that the visuals presented in the trailer
were not exactly finished, and that numerous small tweaks have been applied since the spot
was released back in July.
We submit, however, that it's going to take a heck of a lot more than "subtle changes"
to haul viewers up out of the Uncanny Valley, and get their butts in the seats for Cats.
You could say that such a prospect would take a little bit of… "meow-gic."
"MEEEEEEoooooow."
The casual observer could be forgiven for thinking that we're ringing a few too many
alarm bells here.
After all, Cats has a pretty sterling pedigree; according to Playbill, it's the tenth-highest-grossing
Broadway musical of all time, which is certainly nothing to sneeze at.
The movie adaptation, it must also be said, boasts a staggering amount of talent.
It stars: Taylor Swift, one of the most bankable celebrities of any stripe on the planet; Idris
Elba, one of the most charismatic and beloved actors alive; Sir Ian McKellen, the definition
of a veteran actor and a consummate pro; and Dame Judi Dench, whose title alone should
tell you all you need to know about just how well-regarded she is.
The flick was co-written by Lee Hall, who penned the excellent Elton John biopic Rocketman,
and directed by Tom Hooper, who fielded the well-regarded and financially successful 2012
Broadway adaptation Les Misérables, and who won the Academy Award for Best Director for
The King's Speech.
On paper, all of the ingredients for success are there - but movies aren't made on paper,
and Cats represents a perfect storm of baffling miscalculations which seem destined to ensure
that its inevitable failure won't be noteworthy; it will be legendary.
First, consider that Cats' story, while appropriate for a flashy Broadway production, doesn't
translate very well to film.
Don't take our word for it: it's been attempted once already, with a 1998 direct-to-video
feature which was a highly faithful adaptation of the stage production, and which currently
sits at 20% on review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes.
But, c'mon - we can all agree that even the Broadway version is… pretty out there.
"We just do some poppers and say whatever comes to mind.
Jellicle, Griddlebone, Mungojerrie, Jimmy McCracklins!"
Second, while the Broadway production certainly has its fans, it's not at all clear that their
numbers are substantial enough to spell success for a $100 million picture which - considering
its holiday release frame - is sure to have a pretty massive advertising budget.
Third: oh, those horrifying visuals.
Even if Swift, Elba, and company turn in performances for the ages, your picture - to paraphrase
the late, great Roger Ebert - is in deep trouble if the audience doesn't even enjoy the primary
act of looking at it.
Fourth, and perhaps even more importantly: the movie is being released on December 20,
the same date as a tiny little picture which you may have heard of by the name of Star
Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.
Even being released in the same month as the final film of the Skywalker Saga would have
spelled trouble for a movie like Cats; that Universal chose to release it on the same
day is nothing short of lunacy.
We feel safe in predicting right now that Cats won't just be one of the biggest flops
of 2019; it will be one of the biggest flops of this swiftly waning decade, and there's
nothing that the flick's producers, stars, or anyone else can do to mitigate the disaster
to come.
Talent-wise, this picture might have the pick of the litter… but it's nine lives might
be up before they even start.
OK, yeah… we'll see ourselves out…
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