ah it's another beautiful day top of
morning gamers top of morning everybody
top of morning mr. man standing next to
the thing it's me
regular ass man
blending in nothing here is different
excuse me lady excuse me okay you bumped
into me all right you may have a great
ass but you don't have a great attitude
get back she's too fast I can't cap
children I have been sent out on a very
important mission here today Charles
Blake for a better world it'll be a
better world when I kill him I have to
kill that guy over there and somebody
way off in the distance playing croquet
now how am I going to do it I need to
come up with an inventive way of doing
it I don't want to just rush in and kill
people normally I can't just rush in and
shoot them in the face or anything
that's too normal that's too easy
I need something cooler something better
also I'm very sick so this is gonna be
some subdued gameplay I know I'll try
and bring the energy for you I'll try
and bring the oh my god I can knock
people out with newspaper I have found
my purpose I'm going to be a paper
delivery man just call me paper boy I
need clothes to blend in though I don't
look like a paper boy right now I just
looked like an angry man who is about to
beat up some wasps that have entered
this house do you think I could kill her
sorry knock her out do you think I could
deliver some paper to her and steal her
clothes that would suit me very nicely
no time like the present what paper
delivery okay
silent takedown uh sure why not okay
well I can't have your clothes
so my bad oh I needed a crowbar for that
oh well this is just embarrassing now
she led me to my one and only the
screwdriver she led me back home oh I
miss my screwdriver oh dude this is
gonna be awesome do you think I could
kill everybody in this map if I'm good
enough which of course we all know I am
alright time to put this puzzle together
no let me take out my paper my paper is
the real weapon yes
paper delivery okay she's out she's down
no this guy he's already asleep but just
to make sure now I am the deputy now I
am the police officer that's all you
need to do to get ahead in life so just
steal someone's clothes and then you'll
get what you want how's it going yes it
is me mr. officer mr. policeman officer
nothing here is different I just need a
crowbar thank you police officer man
mister out see you later
I don't trust you not to wake up so
sorry
alright open up the manhole yes can I
can I put bodies in here don't the sewer
you go like the trash you our body the
road duck body number three can I dump
infinite bodies in this this is this
opens up a whole new world of
possibilities this is about to go off
everybody in this town is gonna die and
land in the sewers Oh more newspaper yes
sorry you're coming with me
life's easy Dave muffins oh I could kill
people with muffins I could be called
the muffin man never suspect me do you
think anyone saw me no hi oh it's great
I need the muffins no it's time to
for the news oh so nothing you saw
nothing
Oh God Oh Lady you saw nothing this is
all going according to keikaku easy does
it easy does everyone's fine only one
death actually sir stop resisting you
must go in the hole everybody goes in
the hole you get your news you go in the
hole all right now that everyone's dealt
with I need my newspapers back now I can
get all the muffins all the muffins from
bye yes I've been upgraded I went from a
paper delivery boy to the muffin man all
right who wants to get knocked out by a
muffin I'm gonna I cannon for an arm oh
I think we found our first prime
candidate for oh god that just knocked
him out you don't see anything
completely irresponsible person would
leave a weapon lying around
breaking news actually the only news
that's breaking is your neck all right
that the hole you go yes
you're the best muffin man who's the
best muffin man you are you got this you
can erase the entire town if you really
set your mind to it the muffins didn't
work they were a distraction a red
herring but the newspapers do work you
got this you guys cannot be allowed you
guys cannot be allowed to have this
conversation then you go lady
into the furnace you go
I'm a make I'm a bake terrific cakes but
I also make a mean meat casserole
incinerate
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all right and you go start usual and
incinerate nicely done
I can disguise myself a ceremonial robe
of some sort with a note from Janus
attached
yes look amazing has asked Helen to do a
few repairs on the road before he leaves
for rosette yeah whatever
can we talk about how cool my outfit is
look this is value all swooshy yes oh
you're the best you're the you're the
most handsome man of all you're the most
handsome detective the muffin man rides
what are you wearing queueing about I
can I can solve this argument easily I
have some news for you
nice all right into the hole which up
get the hole yeah the hole
thank you sir you too breaking news keep
back my newspaper me steal my newspaper
like that come on and to the hole with
you you're dead so it's not like you
care and at all wait so I'm trying to
kill someone named Janus is this first
name Hugh that would be wonderful
okay I mean screwdriver yes I don't need
it anymore I've upgraded from the
screwdrivers there's a newspaper but
it's good backup to have oh no a
security camera
yep that's right inspect the generator
Oh God my home it said the wrong thing
out inspector generator come on through
that'll add attaboy but yes but you
didn't see that coming
snappy snappy there he is
Hugh Janus himself
one day you say can I can I combine some
muffins tonight can I combine their
pills with muffins I don't know I don't
think so
dammit newspaper it is I remember the
first time I had it was 1976 the
American Embassy in East Berlin in the
Old Prussian officer's club
I was there whatever man telling your
story already all right do you think I
can get him you think I cannot come out
right here right now I think I can ask
James yeah down he goes
had to deliver the news there buddy neck
snap all right nighty-night
and too bad you go I'm just tucking him
in I'm a nice man I'm a nice killer
I don't just kill them willy-nilly you
know what I knocked him out first
and then I killed him so they can't feel
pain look at this kitchen knives so
boring why would you use a kitchen knife
when you can use screwdrivers and
newspapers those are the real big brain
tactics this is TV yeah
Janus who's me looking for the bathroom
ha ha I lied little henchman wanna go
walkies they go oh that's delightful and
catching me oh no cameras anymore
I'm gonna get away with it the muffin
man the road is long the road is hard
trying to kill everybody in a town with
just newspapers is is very
time-consuming but it's good work chefs
kiss it'll be worth it in the end when
you get that sweet title and thumbnail
out of it it's all gonna be worth it sir
have you heard the term that an apple a
day keeps the doctor away oh okay okay
get the newspaper ready get the
newspaper ready he's down he's down but
he's not out there you go
they say the pen is mightier than the
sword but the newspaper is stronger than
the Apple and the apple doesn't fall too
far from the tree doesn't matter Apple
analogies isn't there too many if you
ask me I must say I am the best dress
hit man around all of the other
dinosaurs wanted to bring the t-rex to
the ball
there you go sleep with your brother hey
that's me I need more newspapers the
paperboy needs more is this another one
yes I can't be going around with two
newspapers I need lots of backups so I
can go and hit everybody immediately
with them I'm sorry what
I can't hop I can't hear you what the
fastest paper in the West
sorry Knights I know that you didn't do
anything
but I need to get ready
anyway oh there's four people here this
might be tricky folks how are we gonna
do this right okay
we're gonna be good about this all right
sneaky they'll never see you in the
bushes
okay fastest hand in the West huh huh
yes all right all right all right now
move on to screwdrivers
yes get back here
get back here what are you going no yeah
yes she's just sick she was sick she ate
too much at the party I have to take her
home okay well nice chatting yeah you're
all gonna have to go on the whole one by
one I don't make up the rules that's
just how it is you get in my sights you
have to go down the hole there's pizza
down there you guys have been better off
tonight do oh I can't it's cuz it's a
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
they eat pizza they live in a sewer
that's good that's clever I just thought
it was sewer pizza for dead people yeah
I do it probably all started when I was
about ten yeah it was rough it was rough
from a young age but I get the hole okay
bye you guys see the news report today
it was crazy here I'll let you look at
it boo boo three people three newspapers
you try to come after me bro look at
this fastest paper in the West
dude that was very dramatic he's my
brother he had too much to drink at
their party he's sick after I have to
bring him home we didn't drive though an
uber doesn't come out this far so we're
gonna have to drag him home oh oh this
is it this is his home we're here you're
not gonna be a problem are you lady
you're gonna be a problem area
you didn't see the bodies there's
nobody's here don't sit down it's no
time for sitting down it's time for
tight she's like no I don't want to go
no please don't take me beep up you're
gonna have to go in the hole that's the
way life works now well you're dead so
the story that's a death works alright
by complaining even in death you're a
pain of my dingus see this whole you
guys are going in there yeah brand-new
house for brand new boys okay stop
talking sorry
whoops what my finger slipped Oh Oh God
weird like that well my finger slipped
whoops
guys it's crazy my fingers slip so many
times I know you're dead oh there's no
other target oh my paper senses are
tingling there's a lot of people at that
party in there though that's gonna be
tricky to kill all of those I can make
it happen though that it's known Castle
I know former Secret Service learned in
Cassidy Providence Harold Cassidy is
assigned to protect Oh Mike at the
beginning I just did a lap I did a lap
of murder some more newspapers around I
mean a secret meeting huh I know what's
going on crap why are you here no I had
the perfect opportunity man all right I
I was tying my shoelaces yeah I almost
tripped over once it's crazy have you
guys seen the news today to see the
weather report Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob
Bob bump oh yeah they can't take you out
yeah go that way that's good he's
playing along he's a nice boy bah bah
bah bah yep
silence like the night you guys gonna do
about it huh nothing but that going away
there's no guns allowed around here this
is a strictly newspaper only zone thank
you very much man look at all those
faces that need newspapers all of these
people have not been given the news yet
it's gonna be this gonna prove to be
quite tricky it's gonna be a greater the
greatest test of my skills so far oh
yeah
log 100 what a throw at that distance
agent 47 the paperboy was able to throw
a piece of newspaper 40 yards across an
open field and still shatter your jaw
what a man I believe the game wants me
to pick up weapons games like hey do you
want a gun goods are scary guns kill
people I don't want to pick up a gun and
accidentally shoot someone to kill them
you know this guy's living his best life
there's a vibe check good for you guys
so hang out here in the bathroom please
and chill this guy wondering why he
however the security team have just gone
missing all right this is a good chance
stick oh god don't go to the bathroom Oh
God
oh hi it's right it's right it's right
oh god oh god oh god okay okay well
things have happened okay pick up the
gun for now that's cool yep Oh Sappho
neck tricky news sniper neck
both targets are confirmed killed okay
all that remains now is to
find the information we came okay and
then get out of here okay no problem no
problem
this was easy this is easy paper boy
knows what he's doing ah pick it up pick
up up okay that made me a little nervous
but I did what I set out to do I kill
them with paper that's good now I just
need to kill the rest of the town there
could be no witnesses already in the
bathroom oh oh and the boys wanna hang
out look at all these hydro homeys hell
yeah
just hanging out just vibing in the
bathroom together good stuff lads all
right this is a house of death time to
move on
no sort of a newspapers no newspaper why
oh Lord
we're gonna lose it is it in here oh
don't ever leave me like that again yes
you're not leaving the party already are
you no the party's just getting started
we haven't even begun to mess with you
guys yet there you go there you go I
feel a little bad about this but then
the feeling passes and I'm fine
now you're in the bushes no one will
ever find you here you guys can have all
the privacy you want I know you wanted
to leave the parody and go home so you
could just be together and not be around
people
well now you never have to worry about
that again right how am I actually going
to tackle this party oh the others so
far have been like one and one
encounters which hasn't really been that
hard but this is really gonna start
getting tricky here well I don't know
how I'm gonna break people up and move
them to different areas looking for so
many people over at apparentiy over here
well the good news is that all the bad
guys will be taken care of by then ooh a
newspaper sniper tower you can't believe
I've been able to take out everyone with
newspapers this is ridiculous this is
the best game ever making what is this
uh what the vault oh is a vault into
suburban house Lords this place me and
my newspaper are gonna get to the bottom
of this oh it's for sale
you're selling a house with a vault and
it's gonna be awesome you could record
all my Let's Plays down there but no one
would ever bother me I could do whatever
I want I can yelled at the high heavens
and no one will ever hear me right now I
can't do that because I'm sick even
though I still can cuz I own my own
house and no one ever bothers me as well
but let me make the joke shut up yes
come this way friend you know you want
follow the strange bald man with the
Cape follow him to free hey you guys
watching the news I have a much better
way for you guys to to read the news
guess what you guys want to know about
it you guys want to hear about it
breaking news you're square in the mouth
Oh excellent
oh god oh god there's just people in the
house oh this is bad
hey I'm Derrick and Linda's friend here
have newspaper yeah psych
okay okay oh my god lady I don't even
think I need to snap your neck I think
you're doing that hole in your own
already well just in case who's in this
room yes I do need this room I also
think I need your clothes oh oh oh to
saw me with the body oh okay this is
okay I can see how it looks bad I can
see how bad this looks okay okay okay
well oh this is very bad everyone's on
high alert
they didn't do you meet yourself
yep you found yourself dead all right
yeah okay drag him away I need my other
disguise back there that worked out well
I had that planned i disguised myself as
the muffin man and then got spotted so
they would look for the muffin man I'm
throwing them off the scent look at them
all having fun enjoying themselves makes
me sick
all of those faces without her newspaper
thrown in them this is bad this is real
bad they are on my ass
let's fight let's fight come at the door
I the newspaper will never be stopped
the newspaper can never be fought back
against the newspaper is the ultimate
weapon oh don't you
no one will ever survive this okay
I've given up at hiding bodies I've just
given up on it everyone's all over the
place now at this point okay where's my
height height 8 news Oh wrong place lady
I'm determined to make this work
I got to disguise myself though what's
the problem what happened
who died that's that's crazy what I know
what's going on call the police so weird
I'm delivering the news what's it look
like I lost one of my newspapers as well
it's in that car over there the gut
there's a body who who did this who
killed that person Oh God
jeepers oh my god somebody killed you
the soup Bazaar who keeps doing this
they can't keep getting away with it
somebody stopped it I I'm an officer of
the law what's going on here who did
what when how yeah so seven people left
I think these are the only people left
in the map okay what can I do
what can I do to make this happen all
right I should poison some food with
newspaper it's the ink it'll give you
night blindness come check them out
they're hurt they're hurt Oh somebody
help them oh no he's hurt somebody help
him
nice breaking news it's your neck ass
not looking good man
now there were five yes come on over
come on bud no oh well someone saw that
okay well peace was never an option
stop stop stop
where's she going where'd she go no
witnesses
get back here ah the longest throw well
you're dead you're dead you're dead and
you're dead I think that's everybody I
think I just killed everybody in the
entire map with newspaper and muffins
well let's that does it for me the
entire town has been cleared out the
scum of this world is no more everybody
got their news today everyone got their
breaking news everyone is a little bit
smarter than when they started the
episode this is a big win
I have never cleared out an entire level
it hit mad before it's at ridiculous
fashion well into the sewer I go as a
tiny trash child The Paperboy leaves no
witnesses it's a ghost happen oh so fun
well there's no more news to be
delivered here today folks so I'm gonna
leave this one here that was beyond fun
to do don't forget to leave a like on
the video if you liked it and don't
forget to subscribe if you want to see
more hit man because I'm going to keep
continuing to play this because I went
away from it for a while and now I'm
back we're back everybody we're back to
have fun and kill everybody
also new merch coming soon you guys can
see it in the store very soon be excited
it's very cool and I like it a lot
don't forget that the next time you see
a paper delivery man around
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so hungry