Often Ancient Greece is considered a pinnacle of human civilization in the old times,
but was Greece really as wonderful as history textbooks want us to believe? In reality,
Greek cities were filthy, their rituals were often no better than to be described as barbaric,
and old Greek men would trade roosters for the innocence of vulnerable people.
And that is not a euphemism but today at Nutty History
we bring you the most creepy and disgusting facts about Ancient Greece and its society.
In modern medicine, a diagnosis is considered the most important part of medical procedure. A right
diagnosis at the right time can save lives even in the case of terminal diseases. But imagine instead
of asking you to pay for a plethora of medical tests, the doctor sticks his finger in your ear
to scoop some wax and then… eats it! What?? Sounds disgusting? Well, that’s how the Ancient Greeks
diagnosed the ailments. Greek healers believe that the taste of bodily fluids holds the secrets
of diseases and sickness. And please doctor do not ask for a stool sample because that ain’t
gonna happen. This creepy and repulsive method of diagnosis was a practice created by Hippocrates.
Yes, the same Hippocrates who is considered to be the inspiration of the Hippocratic Oath, the one
every doctor has to take before becoming licensed to pick up a stethoscope in the modern world.
In theory, it wasn’t far from being correct otherwise Doctors today won’t be asking us
for samples of our bodily fluids for testing purposes for diagnosis. But unfortunately,
back then there were no pathological labs, so Greek doctors had to find another way to
discern the secrets of ailment inside human bodies. Thus, they used their taste buds!
We consider our modern civilization as the zenith of human achievement and advancement but there are
moments when we prove that the current times are also some of the most embarrassing moments
in history. One such incident that made most of humanity bury their faces in their hands a couple
of years ago was “Bathwater”. A certain internet celebrity with an enormous global following was
mocked relentlessly on social media back in 2019 for attempting to sell her bathwater. Yes,
she would bottle the bath water she took a bath in and then she would sell it. Seems like a bad
idea. However, she… had the last laugh as the questionable product was sold out. Oh,
the Humanity! The dark corners of the Internet are filled with such debauched products which
put all our progress and intelligence to shame. But is this the cost of all the progress we have
achieved? Turns out our Ancient Greek ancestors weren’t much different. Back in those days, the
only celebrities in Greece were Olympic athletes. Now before competing, Greek athletes would take
off all their clothes and cover themselves in oil. That was how they performed. Whether they
were running or wrestling, Greek athletes would do it naked. And these sports would be performed
on the dirt-filled ground so by the end they will be covered in all sorts of filth -- sweat,
mud, and saliva, I mean you name it! A group of slaves called gloios-collectors had the
job of scraping all this grime and filth of these athletic superstars but that wasn’t the
end of their duty. I mean come on, they weren’t called cleaners; they were called collectors. So,
the slaves had to collect all the scraped filth and grime off athletes and bottle this disgusting
concoction. Then that concoction would be sold off as medicine! These ‘medicines’ were used by common
Ancient Greek citizens as either pain-relieving ointments or “performance-enhancing” serums.
During the recent pandemic, people started hoarding toilet paper which became a massive
concern during the lockdown. But how would you react if you saw somebody stocking up a pile of
stones on their front porch? Baffling, isn’t it? But if you were living in ancient Greece,
this wouldn’t be out of the ordinary as there was no toilet paper back then.
So, their substitute was rather a cold, hard, and rough stone!
Like the Romans, the Greeks would sometimes clean themselves with a sponge attached to a stick,
but not every Greek was so lucky. More often, the Greeks would clean themselves with stones.
They kept a pile of pebbles in their lavatories and grated hard stone against their bodies to
clean up. Apparently, these stones were more expensive than the toilet paper in the pandemic.
The Greeks had a saying to encourage a little frugality in the bathroom:
“Three stones are enough to wipe.” Ouch! But sometimes, they would also get a little creative.
To take out their anger on a certain someone who they might consider an enemy they’d take broken
shards of ceramic pots, etch the name of their foes on it and scrape their dirty butts with them.
So now you know, where did the saying “kiss my rear” come from!
Ancient Greece was one of the worst places to live as a woman in the ancient world.
While women in ancient India, Egypt, and early Mesopotamia enjoyed equal rights and
social status, most of the Greek city-states treated them as the lowest form of human life
right next to slaves. The Greeks believed that women had a unique susceptibility to the impure.
According to Greek doctors, disgusting things affected women in a way that they could not
affect men. And for some reason, they assumed only disgusting things could cure women’s diseases.
A woman suffering from a discharge, for example, would have to drink a mix of “roast mule
excrement” and wine as medicine. The treatment of miscarriage involved putting cow dung on the
woman. They had a weird belief that a woman’s womb could move around the body and that would cause
miscarriage. So, by applying smelly dung they hope they could force the womb to run away from it and
return to its designated position in the body. They also believed that sneezing was an effective
method of contraception. The Greek physician Soranus argued that if a woman got pregnant
it was entirely her own fault. If Soranus was alive today he would do great in politics! His
idea for contraception was as ridiculous as his understanding of the process of reproduction.
He told women that they could just sneeze instead of using contraceptives.
After making love, Soranus told women that they just needed to squat, sneeze, and rinse to not get
pregnant. He also suggested rubbing honey or cedar resin on your genitals before making love which,
if nothing else, probably discouraged people from having funny business time in the first place.
The life of Greek women was not easy away from doctors as well. In fact, at home,
it was worse. The average age for ancient Greek women to get married was 12 to 14.
Can you even call them women at that age? Now you may be wondering what was so creepy about girls
in an ancient society getting married at a young age? I mean it was pretty common in almost every
ancient civilization to have people marrying in their teen years or sometimes even younger. Well,
here’s a shocker, the men these Greek girls were getting married to were at least 30 years old!
Parades, Carnivals, and Mardi Gras are a great way to celebrate as a city together
and Greeks in ancient times liked to throw a party too! For them it wasn’t just some usual party,
it was a party for the god of parties himself, Dionysus. So how did they please the god of
parties, wine, and fertility? Phalluses! Lots and lots of Phalluses! Once a year, the roads
of Athens would be alive with huge, long phallic figures and floats. Men and women would march down
the streets, holding gigantic phalli proudly above their heads as a tribute to their god.
Dionysus’s followers would get drunk out of their minds and lead a phallic procession to the temple,
singing songs about male genitalia and yelling rude jokes at people as they went by.
According to Aristotle, phallic processions were the birthplace of comedic theater.
He claimed that people adapted the jokes they’d yell during the parades into full stage plays.
Now if Aristotle’s right, all comedy began with Greeks carrying gigantic cartoon manhood.
So, what do you think? Did we miss any of the weird social norms of Ancient Greece? Or do you
have any wise revelations to tell us like Plato and Socrates? Type that all in the comments!
And smash the like button for more weird history lessons. And thanks for watching Nutty History.