Hello, Mother, I need new shoes.
It's an emergency.
What? No. I just got you those from Costco.
Mom, how the heck am I supposed to become
a professional social-media influencer
when I'm skipping around town in this crap?
I mean, are you raising a young boy
or a young Filipino male nurse?
The shoes are cool. What's wrong with them?
What's wrong with them is they're not the shoes
of a black millionaire.
I need the new LeBron James's.
Please! I'm begging you.
I just want what every other American boy has,
and what they all have is the new LeBron James's!
Stop calling them LeBron James's.
They're just called LeBrons.
Dumbass.
[ Sighs ]
This conversation is over.
Mom, this is not the Middle East!
Things are complicated here in America!
Psst! Chad! Chad!
Why are you whispering?
Shh! I'm being sneaky.
I'll take you to buy the sneakers.
You will? Of course.
It's important for a young Persian man to peacock.
I remember when I was your age,
I would wear a beautiful silk robe
that flowed very below my navel
like J. Lo's famous green dress.
Okay, well, that is truly a jarring image, Hamid,
but thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Chad: Oh, this line is so long.
We've been here like an hour.
Good thing I packed my road chai.
Chai?
Hamid, you can't just talk to random strangers like that.
He's not a stranger.
He's sharing a line with us.
No, that -- that is literally
the definition of a stranger.
Would it be okay
if we just try to blend more in public?
I will try.
Oh, man, look at this line. Yo, Chad!
Oh, my God, Reid.
Reid?
Just be no-- please just be normal.
Hey, uh, mind if we cut in with you guys?
Come on in to my space, guys.
Look at these big, beautiful boys.
-Jesus. -Chad, is this your dad?
I'm his Uncle Hamid,
and you must be the famous Reid.
Chad has given detailed physical descriptions
of all of you. No, what?
No. Yeah.
I [chuckles nervously] don't really know
what he's talking about.
I think he's confused. He's not from here.
Oh, are you visiting America?
Well, in a sense.
I feel like I did on my first day here.
I love it.
I get to live with my relatives,
I go to the hookah bar every day.
Whoa, hookah every day?!
Damn, dawg, drop the invite.
You got it, my doggie. Okay.
God, he's laughing at you, Hamid.
Listen, I think it could be really good for me
to do this on my own, so...
do you mind waiting outside for me?
Of course, my boy. I understand.
You want to hang with your big-shot friends.
Here, take my credit card.
Make memories for a lifetime.
Hamid. Thank you.
It's okay.
Guys, I'm leaving.
Reid, I'm leaving.
Joey. Joey's on his phone.
Reid, tell Joey I'm leaving.
No one needs to know that you're leaving.
♪♪
Take a wild guess why I'm here.
The LeBrons.
Can I get a size 7?
Yeah, let me see.
Lucky you, only a few of these left.
Awesome.
You guys.
N-Now we all have them.
That's for you.
Are you Mr. Hamid Poursheikhani?
Oh, no, I'm Chad.
Ha-- Hamid's my uncle.
Alright, Chad, well, your uncle's
got to be here if you want to use it.
H-He's just right outside.
I can go grab him real quick.
No, man, if you step out of line,
you're gonna lose your place.
Oh, dude, you didn't pre-order?
Shoot.
Well, hey, good luck, man.
But thanks again.
Dude, that sucks.
Oh, sir, can --
can you just please find it in your little ol' heart
to make a special exception just this once? I --
I'm sorry, rules are rules.
I don't make 'em.
Please.
Next customer.
Hey.
Shoes!