It was like a scenario
with you driving and you feeling all that guilt
and all of the different scenarios and everything
you can see the layers and layers and levels and intricacies of complexity
that are involved with the dreams
and they're designed to be complex
so that there will be this pervasive
all pervasive
and suffocating feeling of being trapped
in a very crazy place
Jesus says that,
you are not really afraid that it's a
it's a
bad world, or a hostile world and everything
the thing that scares you the most is meaninglessness
you'll even make up 'good' and 'bad' to avoid meaninglessness
When you start to go down deeper and deeper
and you start to get underneath the layers and layers
it gets more and more meaningless
and to the ego, it interprets that as more hopeless
he says that you're really terrified
of a meaningless world
and basically
when you go down and down deeper
that's the point where
it's like a release point or a surrender
of trying to read meaning into something
that just needs to be handed over
to the Holy Spirit
ultimately, that's the only escape from it
so,
the guilt... maybe you're feeling you're thinking
I killed a bird - I was the driver
I ran over a bird
I took a bird's life
but remember, nothing happens by accident
even in the dream world
it's all
it's all part of a plan
you know, it's like
everything that even seems to die in this world
Jesus is saying, will live again in you
when you recognize who you are
that's where the life is
the life
isn't in the bodies
the life can't be snuffed out so easily
like that
the ego made up the world
of so-called "organic" and "living things"
where there seems to be birth and death
and cycles, and all these different things
but it's all part of the fabric of the same dream
and
when you go through a day where you feel that heavy guilt
it's like a weight
a noose around your neck
and it feels like you can't get out of the noose
that's just an opportunity
to drop down even deeper
into... in and through
that sense of meaninglessness
because that's where all this takes you
I know in my life
I kept following, following
following the guidance, following my prompts
and it's almost like I had to go through
rings of what seemed to be deeper and deeper meaninglessness
you know, what's the point?
what's the point of all of this?
where is this heading?
I can't make any sense of it
and I cant make any sense of this
deeper and deeper and deeper
into a surrender
of meaning
a surrender of trying to figure it out
I was just talking to Lisa tonight
and she said there is a man
who is volunteering at the Monastery
who's a millionaire
and he's there working the Course lessons everyday
and she said
he is so adorable because
he thinks he knows something
and he's aware that that's his problem
so he'll start yammering on about something
and Lisa will just stare into his eyes
and he'll go
he'll stop his yammering, and he'll go
"oh yeah, I still think I know something"
and then he will start yammering on about something else
and Lisa will turn to him
and just look at him
and he goes
"OK, yep, I remember
still think I know something."
and he's doing something
this guy's a millionaire
and he's down there volunteering at the
Monastery, working with his Course lessons
and collaborating with her
and then, he's yammering about something
and he goes, "oh yeah"
"I really have a bad case of the I know mind"
the millionaire says
"I think I really know something"
and she's just like
she's saying to me on Skype
"adorable"
the Holy Spirit has sent me a millionaire
who's onto it
and his only problem
his only problem
is he thinks he knows something
and they work on this everyday
he'll get off yammering about something
after they're collaborating
he'll start going and talking about something
she says
like he'll start to tell a joke
and he'll tell the joke
and she'll just look at him and stare in his eyes
he says, "that's right that's not even funny"
"I still think I know something"
it's just this gaze of
that's not why you're here
you're here for a much deeper purpose
and then
finally
she speaks after she's looked at him, looked at him, and looked at him
he yammers on and she looks
and he says "OK, I think I know something"
she says,
"you know, the stuff that you're talking about doesn't really mean anything"
"at all"
and
"what you're really wanting to say to me is"
"I love you, Lisa"
and he went
whispered: "you're right"
"that's what I'm too terrified to say"
"that's what I've been avoiding"
"that's what I'm scared about"
"that's why I'm filling in"
"having all this mind chatter"
"about nothingness"
it's because
I am afraid of the love
I'm afraid of expressing the love
i'm afraid of...
let's go Home together
I'm afraid of we are the same One
I'm afraid of
everything that I've ever taught myself
and learned in this entire cosmos is a lie
everything, without exception
and, that I love you is true
and what would it cost me?
you know
if I really just let go into that love
Jesus says, you would lose the whole
world that you see
if you open to that love
you would be engulfed
you would first weep tears
weep like you've never wept before
because of the love is so intense
if you dropped it
if you dropped the belief that you know anything about anything
I mean really
this is not a difficult course at all
let's be honest
really!
let's quit playing
the game that this is difficult
look at the lessons!
Nothing I see means anything
I have given everything I see all the meaning it has for me
I do not know what anything is for
These thoughts do not mean anything
I'm never upset for the reason I think
I'm upset because I see something that's not even there
I see only the past
My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts
those are the first eight
lessons in the Workbook
Jesus isn't holding back
he's saying
you can learn this Course because
it's the most natural thing ever
it's been very unnatural
to learn all of this 'much ado about nothing'
when we were in school, I mean
some of us may have had better
experiences than worse experiences, but
I don't know about you, but
did anybody here really enjoy school?
audience: "no"
I didn't
I won't lie
I remember in Grade School
I was playing all summer
just playing in the creek
with the
the frogs and the
the crawdads and making little things with clay
and I would play, play, play
I would play really long
I'd get good hot and sweaty
and tired
because I'd play
hard
I would play my heart out
everyday, and then
I'd get home, I'd get cleaned up
I'd take a shower
I'd get to sleep, and I'd wake up to play again
what do you do in summer?
when you're a kid
I played
and then when it came to be Fall
when 'I had to go and learn'
things in school
I did not like it
I felt like I was going to a prison camp
I was always nervous and anxious
about the first day of school
what am I doing here?
I don't even belong here
this is not play
this is not fun
and
recess was the best time
in school for me
or fieldtrips
that's all I looked forward to
math -no
reading -nope
any kind of
I was just not thrilled with it
and now we have a context for it
we start to realize that we've
we've bought the bait
we went for it
we thought we could learn our way out of it
and the ego was laughing at us the whole time
the more intricate our learnings became
the more confused we were
the more lost
the more complicated
things became
it's more complicated to be
an adult
than it is to be a baby
we've gone in the wrong direction
we started out
kinda complicated
and we've gotten really complicated
and in the end, yeah
it's just about experiencing our innocence
that's all it's about, really
anyone tries to tell you anything else
it's just a load of 'BS'
I mean, in the end you have to give up
your religion
and you have to give up spirituality, too
everyone's like going around
the big difference between religion and spirituality -ehh
that's not true either
it's all
much ado about nothing
you have to
in the end, you have to see that
your spiritual path that you...
clung to, and all the techniques you used
and all the things
it was all about the innocence
it was all about the love
it was all about acceptance
it was all about recognition
it was never about the process
you know, as much as sometimes we try to convince ourselves
"I'm waking up"
"I'm damn proud of it"
yeah, who is
the one that's so proud
at the process of waking up?
it's time, in the end
even that, you have to let go of it all
of course, you have to let go of the journey
in the end to arrive at
the state of mind
which was a journey without distance
to a goal that never changed
the goal itself, the movement of time
the process itself
has got to cave in on itself
eventually
like a stack of cards
like if you're building a house of cards
it's all going to implode on itself
and BE HAPPY
for the imploding
remember the...
the Grace Slicks song
"Let the world around us...
just fall apart...
baby we can make it if we're heart to heart"
that's the Holy Spirit
we can find it in our hearts
we can find the innocence there
even when things seem to collapse
even when things seem to implode
don't try to hold it together
we're going home
we're waking up
and there's not a need to make it any more complicated
than that
so, in the end
that's why we are here to expose the ego
let it arise and release it because
it's a death wish
it is the guilt
that, Malfree, that you were talking about
it's this pervasive sense of guilt
it's the only game the ego knows
it does
everything, every scheme it has
every defense
every trick in the book
is all aimed at
perpetuating guilt
and
I think
for those of you that have come here
you, you have had glimmers
some glimmers of this innocence
that you are just perfect as you are
you don't need to change
you don't need to become better at something
you don't need to fix something
you know
just glimmers of that.