Sorry to keep you waiting
I'm new to all this so you're going to have to
go through it if that's okay?
Relax, I'm going to take care of everything
Why don't you just start by telling me
a few things about yourself.
Well, my name's John,
I'm 30 and I'm recently single.
Hook & Handley are delighted to present
John, this 30 year old development
comes back on the market,
in need of total refurbishment throughout.
Wha what's this?
We double up as an estate agency.
Tell me more?
I'm 5'7"
Single storey
Stocky build
Existing extension.
I'm not really into sports
Has a poor energy rating
And I really like the Rolling Stones
And is in desperate need of modernisation.
Sorry....em... wha..?
Marital status?
Divorced, but it's pending.
Semi-detached.
Catholic?
I was but now im Jewish.
Easily converted...
Can we not do the whole estate agent lingo thing,
it's not working for me.
I'm sorry John,
how long is it that you've been single occupancy?
Tell me a little bit about what your looking for
Well I've always dated Asians...
And I'm bi-sexual.
Dual aspect,
with a far-eastern orientation.
How would you say you are in bed?
*Awkward laugh*
I dwwaa...
Em...
EhUh..
Ock..
Maybe we don't...
I understand.
This sexual experience
is sure to delight those
new to the market,
as well as those
eager to downsize.
Downsize?
Is this a recent photo?
Yes.
Viewing strongly advised.
Now John, I'm going to pop this up
in the window outside.
In the window!?
Why don't you come back to us in a week.
Well John the great news is,
there's been a lot of interested parties.
However we have found someone,
and she is very keen to proceed.
Well as long as she loves me for who I am...
Oh no, she's a developer.
Hmm?
She's going to gut you,
restore you,
and then rent you out.
What!!?