We are so honest.
Nobody gets their feelings hurt in my family.
Nobody's got feelings.
We talk about each other in our family.
I call my mother, and we talk about the entire family.
We talk about my sister. "Hey, you talk to Jessica?"
"Yeah, don't call her. It's all--
They're having a tough go of it."
Not my wife's family. They don't say nothing
on that side. Nobody knows.
I listen. I listen.
My wife Skypes with her mother.
And, you know, I can hear them talking.
"What's going on over there?"
"Oh, nothing. Everything's good here.
What's going on over there?"
And I pass by. [mumbles]
After she get off, I tell her--
I ask my wife, "What did your mom say?"
"Oh, everything's good."
It ain't good.
Dig, dig for the story.
Get down deep. Figure it out.
There's shit happening.
I talk to my mother, I get it all from her.
As soon as I hang up, I can't wait to tell my wife
what I found out.
As soon as I hang up the phone I go,
"Babe, pour yourself a glass of wine.
Meet me outside.
You're not gonna believe what's going on
with my cousins.
[whistles]
I got juice. I got juice."
My family talks about everything.
Nothing is off the table.
Talk about money constantly.
To this day, my father and I,
that's all we did was talk about money,
when we were small,
to this day. My father knows what I make.
I know what he's got buried in the yard.
Italians. Any Italians here tonight?
[audience cheers]
Of course.
Italians, we're always trying to figure out
what stuff costs.
Some of you were probably looking up here tonight going,
"What do you think he's making for this shit?
How many seats you think is in the place?"
Any event Italians go, they try and figure it out.
They go to a wedding, the whole ride home,
"How much you think they paid for the...?"
We itemize everything we saw at the wedding.
Well, they wrapped the chairs.
That's $38 a chair.
They had a sweet table. Ice sculptures.
So honest.
My family is so honest.
My wife's family, again, they don't say nothin'.
And I really found out how different
my wife and I were when we went to go visit
her father at the cemetery.
Now, my wife's father passed away 15 years ago.
I never got a chance to meet the man.
So we go to the cemetery.
Now, prior to his death,
he bought a plot for himself,
a plot for his wife.
Well, the wife has since remarried.
Okay.
So we go to the cemetery,
and I'm holding my wife's hand.
It's a very emotional day for us.
Well, for me.
Listen, I gotta be honest with you,
I'm the emotional one in the relationship.
I cry, no problem. Undercover Boss, forget it.
I'm balling at the end of that show.
Oh, my God.
So we go to the cemetery. I'm holding my wife's hand.
We approach the two graves.
Now I'm sitting there, my heart is bleeding
for my wife. She got no father.
But the other side of my brain kicks in.
I said, "Is your mother still gonna get...
buried here with the original or...
Or is she gonna get buried with the new husband?
What's going on? 'Cause this is paid for.
It's paid for and, uh,
who's going in the hole? We gotta figure this out.
I'll hop in here.
In the meantime, we gotta use this,
maybe for storage.
We'll put the Christmas tree here.
A rake, skis. We gotta use this."
My wife's brain don't work this way.
She said, "Why would you even think of that?"
I go, "That's why you got me. I think of this."
We're calling your mother tonight,
and we're figuring out who goes where in this plot.