Game of Thrones Seasons 1 to 6, in 5 minutes.
Robert Baratheon rules the realm of Westeros –
he deposed the dragon dynasty and married a Lannister, Cersei,
who breeds a brood of bastards with her brother Jaime,
who breaks Bran's back to keep the secret.
Lady Cat captures Tyrion, falsely accuses him,
Lysa tries to make him fly but Bronn's blade excuses him.
Ned starts to see that the seed is strong, so he tries to tell Bobby
but he’s gored by a boar cause of Cersei, so Ned tries to set shit straight, but Baelish
betrays him and Ned gets beheaded on the steps of Baelor's
Sept.
Young Robb gathers the banners, battles south, and is crowned.
Arya trains then runs away, Sansa suffers Joff and the Hound.
While Jon joins the watch on the Wall, where winter is falling and wildlings are calling
and walkers are stalking and dead men are walking.
And Dany weds Drogo, her brother goes loco, crowned with gold – oh and Drogo dies too.
Dany raises a pyre and strides into fire and rises as the mother of dragons
Robb battles Lannisters, falls in love with Talisa –
which breaks his oath to Walder Frey and he ain't bloody having that
Theon takes a boat to Balon, turns his cloak to make him Greyjoy
Takes Winterfell, loses it, and Ramsay Snow abuses him
Bran and Rickon get away – Bran goes with Jojen – there's a crow
While Stannis claims the Iron Throne, though his claim's denied by his bro,
so Renly's shanked by a shadow fired from the vagina of a priestess of fire.
Stannis then sails for Blackwater Bay, but he's set aflame and loses the day,
Tyrion loses face – but he's still loved by Shae at the end of the day so its okay
Arya walks with Yoren, but she’s caught and hauled to Harrenhal.
It’s awful but she's supported by an assassin called Jaqen H'ghar
Dany walks the Waste and talks Thirteen Qartheen to let her in to their city.
Goes to a party, asks for an army – Xaro and Pyat Pree steal her dragons,
so she goes to the home of Undying, gets high, and kills a guy with fire.
While the Watchmen walk beyond the Wall, and Qhorin forces Jon to turn his cloak to the
free folk.
So while the Watch is fighting wights and things, Jon's spooning ginger wildlings, hashtag
No Ygrittes – also there's an army of the dead.
Cat sends Jaime with Brienne to the south, then Locke captures them and lops off Jaime’s
hand – ouch The Freys get fed up, so Robb gets Red Wedded
Killing Cat and Talisa while Edmure's getting bedded
Arya is captured by bros with no banners, the Hound fights a fire knight who rises after
battle.
Arya takes flight, but is caught by Sandor who hauls her round the river lands, hoping
for a ransom Jon meets Mance, the wildling king fighting
for free folk They climb the Wall, Jon kills a warg then
goes back to the Night's Watch Dany gets Unsullied, Selmy, Daario, Missandi,
and liberates the slave cities of Astapor and Yunkai
Joffrey dies from Tyrell wine – another wedding, nother dead king – Cersei blames
her brother Tyrion, in his trial The Viper fights f'r'him.
Oberyn dies and so does Greg though Qyburn makes Clegane undead.
Jaime saves Tyrion, who slays Shae and Tywin, the Spider – Varys, sends the dwarf across
to Pentos Sansa leaves the city with Petyr – Littlefinger
Who lies, wifes Lysa, then makes her fly the Eyrie
Arya wanders round with Sandor Kills some people who had wronged her
Hound gets bit by a bloke called Biter Falls to Brienne when he fights her
Arya denies Sandor mercy Shows some iron takes a boat east
The Nights Watch fights wildlings and Karl fooking Tanner
Jon goes out beyond the Wall is saved by King Stannis
Dany T captures Meereen, locks up her dragons to make peace
Sansa marries Ramsay, thenorth remembers then forgets
She jumps the walls of Winterfell whenshe’s not saved by Brienne
Mel tells Stannis burn your daughter, and it’s done
Then Stannis and his army’s slaughtered by Ramsay Bolton
Cersei tries to frame the Tyrells Ends up walking with a shame bell
Now she's gonna bloody pay hell On the high and mighty Sparrow
Jaime comes to Dorne with Bronn to save his daughter and e
Gets caught up with Obara Nym Tyene talks bout “bad pussy”
Arya arrives at Braavos, joins the House of Black and White.
She learns to lie, loses her sight, so that she might become no one
Jon Snow wins a vote goes to Hardhome gets some free folk on a boat then he gets stabbed
Dany fights insurgency from the Sons of the Harpy,
tries a pit fight and a marriage, but they both go pretty badly, so she flies way on
a dragon Sansa escapes from Winterfell and makes her
way north to the Wall, where the red witch is rezzing Jon – who
kills his killers, watch is done.
Ramsay Bolton expands his hold on the lords of the northern kingdom,
so Jon marches armies Bastardbowl is on, the good guys won
Arya trains, plays, saves Lady Crane, slays the waif, displays her face,
escapes the Faceless, bakes, eviscerates a Frey, and says she’s Arya Stark
The raven's training Bran to see through trees, magic abilities.
Zombies almost kill them all but Hodor holds the door.
Ben saves Bran and Meera, then says cya, Bran sees a secret – Lyanna is Jon's mom
While the Hound roams round the riverlands, joins the brothers' merry band
Jaime and Bronn break Riverrun Blackfish would rather die than run
Sam and Gilly go to Horn Hill Meet Sam's asshole father Randyll
They go to Oldtown, taking Heartsbane To learn some stuff from the maesters
Cersei burns the sparrows, Tyrells, all her enemies
And then because her son is dead declares herself the Queen
Doran's slaughtered by Sand Snakes So Olenna forges cause with Dorne
And Dany against Cersei's order Setting stage for massive war
Then Dany goes back to Vaes Dothrak, barbeques her persecutors, takes a khalasar, and marches
to Meereen.
She breaks the siege with fire, makes fast friends of Theon Yara,
and finally, after all these years, heads west, to Westeros.
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