- You want me to powder you?
- I do look a bit shiny.
- Okay, I'm just gonna bring the powder down.
- All right, we getting the powder.
Sort me out, make sure we don't use this bit.
(pop music)
- Hi everyone! - Hello.
- And welcome back to my channel.
Today, we have a very special guest, Ben.
If you somehow do not know who he is, this is my man.
- Yeah, sorry about that, guys.
You're probably sick of me by now, but here I am again.
- I thought it would be a really good time
to bring him in because Valentine's Day
is right around the corner.
So, we're doing a very fun,
relaxed Love and Relationship Q&A.
I went on Twitter and asked you guys
if you guys had any questions,
and we picked our favorite ones.
- There was some good questions.
- So, let's dive right in.
- What are your respective love languages?
- Yeah, we picked this question out
because I literally had Ben take this test
maybe two months ago. - Yeah, about two months ago.
- Yeah, so I thought the results were really interesting.
I've always known my love language test
because I love quizzes.
I love the Meyers-Briggs test.
- I've never even heard of this test.
So it was quite fun to do. - Yeah.
- Some of the questions were a bit odd.
It was like,
would you like a hug or get a really expensive gift?
It feels like a trick question.
- Yeah, right?
So, Ben's results were quality time as number one.
Then, touch.
Words of affirmation.
Then, it was acts of service.
Very last was gifts.
- Yeah, yours were?
- Quality time, number one.
So it's really important to spend time with me.
Then it was acts of service.
So it really means a lot when Ben does things for me.
Like cooking, opening the packages, watering the grass.
- You keep reeling off the list.
- Yeah, I know.
Number three for me was words of affirmation,
so we're both equal on that.
Fourth one is gifts, and the last is touch.
I had no idea that this meant so much to him.
Who would have thought?
- This means a lot right now. (laughing)
- Second question comes from Brittany Yann.
At first, did your parents have a hard time
accepting your interracial relationships
or were they happy you were happy?
For the longest time,
my parents wanted me to be with an Asian guy.
Love you two.
Thanks, Brittany. - Good question.
- It's a very good question actually.
Honestly, Ben didn't meet my parents until like a year
of us dating. - It's been a year, yeah.
- Yeah, for me and my parents,
I was never the type to be like this is who I'm dating.
It was always very separate.
With Ben, it felt like something very serious.
So, after a year of dating,
Ben came over to my parents' house.
Everybody was there.
My mom, dad, and James.
- You have to remember as well,
for Jenn's parents to find out their daughter is dating
a guy who's in a band with tattoos.
How far, five thousand miles away does he live?
Great, yeah, date him.
So, there's a lot of things
that weren't really going in my favor.
- At first, they were like, okay if he makes you happy,
because they couldn't get too mad
because we were already dating for a year.
So clearly he wasn't just about to run away.
So, he knew that we were committed.
And I think it's just Ben's efforts
on always trying to impress my parents.
You'd always chat to my dad about soccer or golf,
or pretty much anything.
- Eats all that food.
- Yeah, and eat all of my mom's food.
- That's a problem.
- That's the way to my mom's heart,
is to eat her cooking.
I think it's really important
to just show your parents how much.
How do I say it? - How happy you are.
- How happy you are.
- Because I think the main thing,
no matter what, every parents,
every family want you to be happy,
and if you can really show that.
Then, I think that goes a long way.
- Yeah. - I guess we're lucky
'cause your parents were more accepting
than maybe other parents might be.
- They see the person,
and beyond just the ethnicity.
- Tiffany asks,
would you and Ben have fallen in love
with each other if you guys met as teenagers?
I like that question. - I know, me too.
This is how I envision it.
We would be at a show, or something, like a rock show,
and you would be playing the drums, or you're,
the crowd or something. - Yeah.
- Like, we just ran into each other.
- I think because we were into
the same kind of music growing up,
like that kind of angst-y punk rock,
so probably like that.
And I was in bands when I was 14 or something.
- It's just crazy 'cause when we started dating,
it was insane to see our paths so similar.
- Yeah.
- Even though we lived in complete different countries.
We had kind of like a similar adolescence.
- Yeah, we did. - Yeah.
- But at the same time,
I'm happy we met
at this time in our lives. - Now, yeah.
- If we would have been teenagers, we might not be here now.
- Yeah, 'cause I feel like when you're a teenager,
you're still kind of figuring yourself out.
So I'm glad that we met now.
- We waited, yeah. - Yeah.
So this next question is from Hafu.
If it's not too personal, how do you guys settle conflict?
P.S. You two are goals.
Thank you. - Thank you.
How do you settle conflict?
We're pretty good with the fact
that we always talk things through.
- Yeah.
- And make sure we never go to bed.
Very rarely did we go to bed angry.
- I think just one time we went to bed angry.
- Yeah.
- It was not a good morning the next morning
'cause it just transferred over.
- Yeah.
- So, it's good to always talk it out before you go to bed.
- Yeah, and it's something we're learning
to kind of even make each other feel validated,
and it's something that can be very easy.
If you're very opinionated or you're annoyed with something,
it's very hard to see the other person's perspective.
It's something where we're definitely learning a lot.
- When an argument gets quite heated,
I'm not gonna lie, I'm definitely a hot head.
- You can be.
- I know, I can be, but I'm working on it so hard.
So we have this system
where it's kind of like my happiness spectrum.
So, right now I'm green, so everything's good.
Then, when it turns yellow,
I don't feel too good. - On the edge.
- I'm on the edge.
If it's orange,
I'm already kind of snapping back a little bit.
I'm not angry, but I'm very close.
When I become orange, I'll tell Ben I'm orange
'cause I've noticed that when I get to orange,
I'm just looking for a fight to get to red.
I think recognizing the different spectrums of my mood
helps me catch myself.
Before we get to the arguing part,
it's good that Ben or I just leave the room,
and we let it just cool off for even like 30 minutes.
It really, really helps
because it helps you get back to how you normally are.
- Well, you speak honestly as well
because when you're hot-headed like anyone,
if you're angry, you have your walls up,
you feel defensive, you don't listen as much.
Sometimes space is good,
you need time. - Space is good.
- Sometimes, me listening is good.
So me being there.
It's about sort of judging it.
Obviously every situation, everyone's different.
- I think at the end of the day,
I think once we're both normalized, especially for me,
I can really hear Ben out.
That's what we all need.
We just need to be heard and validated,
even if we don't necessarily agree with it,
as long as you hear the other person,
and you come to a compromise.
Then you're good.
- So the next question.
Did it intimidate you guys the idea of going long distance
in the beginning of your relationship?
We get this question a lot.
It's amazing how many people in the same position.
Especially this day and age,
doing long distance, it's happening a lot more, isn't it?
- Yeah, definitely, I think we're the age of technology.
You can truly find a suitable partner overseas.
- Here I am.
It's never easy.
Long distance is something that you live in limbo.
You don't know when you're gonna see each other next.
You're so far away, so it's very hard to feel connected.
- It's such a high and a low.
- Yeah.
- Because when you see each other you're like.
- [Both] Ah!
- The last two days, it's like.
- Then you go home, and you're literally so depressed.
So, it's cool to see love in such an intense spectrum
'cause you get the highest high.
Like when I would see you at the airport
after not seeing you for like a month.
Just like packing up my things and going to the airport.
That was the best, most exciting plane rides of my life
was going to see you.
- Absolutely.
Long distance you have to make that extra effort.
You have to really want to make it work
because it can vary.
If you don't feel connected for even a few days,
it's very important to make sure you go far and beyond
for each other to make yourself feel connected.
Trying to Skype as often as you can.
Especially England to L.A.,
it's like an eight-hour difference,
so a matter of like four, five a.m. calls would do.
One of us would be drunk, one would be going to the gym.
(laughing)
- Our clocks were a little bit off,
but we always made time for each other,
and I think your trust needs to be there.
I feel like trust is built by feeling connected.
Send a little text of what we were eating that day.
- Even in the morning. - Or a voicemail, yeah!
- Waking up to a message saying I'm thinking of you.
Simple as that. - Something like that.
- It's the little things like that that go a long way.
- I think the thing with long distance relationships
is that there needs to be a time
when you guys finally settle in together.
Whether it's a three-year mark, a five-year mark.
- You won't always see that end goal straight away.
Even for me, I was in England, I was in a band.
I left the band and moved to L.A.
It's so much change and it's very easy to think,
I can't do that,
I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I live here.
You're always gonna have those walls
and the things you can't do,
but at the end of the day,
if you're in love and you wanna be with that person,
that's the main thing.
Your family and friends, everyone will support you
because it's about happiness at the end of the day.
So I think that's important.
Very good question.
- So, this one is from Valencia.
Ben, please say something to Jenn in Korean.
(Ben speaks in foreign language)
- If it's someone's birthday as well, I'm all about that.
(Ben speaks in foreign language)
There's not much more than that.
It's very hard. - Pretty impressive.
(Ben speaks in foreign language)
- That's about it really.
- Do you know how to say goodbye?
(Ben speaks in foreign language)
Which is the difference?
(Ben speaks in foreign language)
- Someone is leaving your house.
(Ben speaks in foreign language)
Means when you're leaving their house.
By the time I've realized,
as we're leaving someone's house,
I'm like, oh, wait.
See you later. (laughing)
- So this next question comes from Saska.
If you guys swapped bodies for a day,
Freaky Friday style, what would you do?
- That is a very good question.
- I already know what I'm gonna do.
I would love to finally have rhythm, and be able to drum.
That would be so cool.
To do that thing with the sticks.
- Yeah, you've tried even my kit before.
- Really hard, I know, it's really hard.
- So you would drum. - Yes, I would drum.
- That's good.
What would I?
It would nice to kind of
just be pretty for the day, you know?
Got the hair going on, you know?
Dress on.
(laughing)
So, Jean asks.
What's the thing, joke that only both of you gets?
We got so many.
- I know, we really have so many.
I don't know where to get started.
- And then, most of them are just so weird
or don't make any sense,
so you can't even explain it. - I know.
- [Both] Psst, psst, psst.
- We've got a little name for our.
- We have a theme song.
- A theme song. - Yeah.
- We are the Ruse. - You wanna sing it?
Here, this is your mic.
All right.
♪ We are the ruse ♪
♪ Come on, everybody ♪
♪ We are the ruse ♪
♪ I said ♪
♪ We are the ruse ♪
♪ Key change ♪
♪ We are the ruse ♪ ♪ (laughing)
- Nickel asks, can you guys read each other's minds?
Love you long time Jenns and Bens.
- Nice. - Thank you.
- We can a little bit, can't we?
- Yeah, 100%.
The instant Ben is feeling something,
especially negatively, I know.
I'm like, what's wrong?
What can I do to help?
Always. - Yeah.
It's definitely the same the other way around.
Even with board games when we play with our friends.
- The Werewolves game.
- Yeah. - Where someone is the killer,
and you're supposed to have a poker face,
- Yeah. - And lie to everybody.
- I'd be like, Jenn are you the killer?
She'd be like, no.
I'm like, she's the killer,
and vice versa. - Well, yeah!
When you were the killer,
I held your hand and I was like,
babe, are you the killer?
- Everyone was accusing me of being the killer, and I was.
- He was the killer.
- So I squeezed her hand because.
- Yeah, why would you squeeze my hand so tight?
- I didn't mean to the tension,
I was angry that everyone was accusing me
of being the killer. - You can't lie to me.
- They were right, so.
- The last question comes from Victoria.
What has been a challenge that you two have overcome
in your relationship and how did you get through it?
- Probably the long distance to moving in.
- Yeah!
That transition was kinda tricky
'cause we went from not seeing each other
for most of the time to all of the time.
I feel like the first three weeks were awesome
'cause we were like, this is amazing.
We get to hang out all the time.
- When you move in with someone,
regardless if it was long distance or not,
it's about knowing your roles and your boundaries.
- Yeah, I think it's really important to establish rules.
So, for example, in the house,
Ben will cook our meals
and I will always wash up the dishes.
Then, I will always do laundry and fold it,
and Ben will always do garden work.
Yeah. - Little things like that.
- And we have a whole list.
That way, we never fight about like,
why didn't you do this?
Why didn't you do that?
Because we know
as long as you fulfill your roles and your tasks,
then you're good.
- These little things that can build up.
You don't say, and you think in your mind.
It's okay, he's done it again, has he?
Yeah, okay, oh, he's done it again.
And then it builds up and you're screaming
about something so small and insignificant
when you could have just talked about it in the first place.
It's about being compatible.
- And sane boundaries
when we're both at a good green level.
- You don't wanna scream like, do this!
Okay I agree with you.
That doesn't happen. - No.
- That has not happened.
- It completely makes sense.
I'm sorry for what I did!
- You're the best person I've ever met!
No one has ever had that argument.
- All right guys,
that is a wrap on our Love and Relationship Q&A.
If you guys have any other questions for us,
please write it in the comments down below.
We would love to answer them.
Perhaps, Ben will join us again.
- This was fun.
It was easy and it was nice
to have some almost back and forth.
- Yeah, this was so easy to film.
We're just filming on a Friday night,
with some drinks.
It's been a great bonding activity.
- It's nice to spend Friday night with you all.
- If you want more of Ben,
please check out his YouTube channel.
I will leave it in the description box.
It is so good, and he's worked so hard on it.
I'm so proud of him. - That's right.
- Anyway, thank you guys so much for watching,
and we'll see you guys in the next one.
Bye!
- Bye guys, I wanna do it.
Thumbnail photo.
- This is too much.
Complete my heart.
- Like that, no, I'm not using this.
- We need options.
Good job!
(pop music)