What's in the box?
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I said what's in the box?
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I said WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOX!?! *SCREAMS* *GUNSHOTS*
I can make a great boat out of this.
So this one time when I was in the third grade,
for some reason our teacher thought it would be a good idea to get his entire class to participate in a...
cardboard boat race! :D
Cardboard boat racing is this event where teams of people build their own boats out of cardboard,
and then race against other people's cardboard boats.
Now, you might be thinking that cardboard really isn't the best material to make a boat out of.
And you're right.
- But cardboard is cheap
- But cardboard is cheap - You can get big pieces of it
- But cardboard is cheap - You can get big pieces of it - And they float in the water for a little bit
Perfect for making boats out of!
It's good short-lived entertainment.
It's yachts of fun!
Apparently, a lot of other schools got their students to do cardboard boat racing
I thought it was just a strange thing my teacher made us do,
but if other teachers did it, I guess he wasn't the only weirdo...
I don't know what cardboard boat racing is supposed to teach you
Maybe teamwork skills and shipbuilding?
I mean it would come in handy if I was stranded on an island
with cardboard and duct tape and I could tell everyone:
"Don't worry guys, I learned how to make boats out of these things in the third grade!"
But no one else in my school did cardboard boat racing
It was just my class!
And I think part of the reason we did this
was because the class I was in was an honors class.
So...
We were better than everyone else.
Guys,I need to tell you about how friggin smart I am!
So in the second grade everyone took this test to see if you would get put into the honors class,
which, I'm going to be honest, I don't remember taking it
I just remember my mom sitting me my twin sister down
and telling us that we weren't going to be in the same class anymore
because I made it into the honors classes and my sister didn't...
HA HA! Loser!
The honors program was called DOGS which stood for...
Daaaaaaaaaang! Original gangsta students!
Okay, that's not actually the name. I made that up.
If you got accepted into DOGS you stayed in the DOGS program for the rest of Elementary school!
So I basically had the same kids in my class for five school years
And our class became known as the Dogs Kids.
I think since I was in the dogs program, I wasn't bullied nearly as much as I should have been
Because everyone in my class was a huge nerd!
So I never really learned how to interact with people socially because I already knew everyone in my class
So all the DOGS were cool with each other,
But all the non-DOGS hated us.
They thought that us DOGS thought that we were SOOOO much better than them...
And we were.
Now call me old-fashioned,
but I think the third grade is a little too soon to tell if you're smart or not.
I would say that the DOGS program...
did NOT make me a smarter person.
I don't speak for everyone
This was just my experience
But in high school my twin sister was a WAY better student!
High school didn't have the DOGS program
So me and my sister were in the same classes again.
And she was a straight-A student while I was about a straight B and C student.
So all the math I've learned is telling me that something's not adding up.
It probably had nothing to do with being in the honors program in Elementary School
I probably just procrastinated a lot in high school
Okay now let's get back to the actual topic of the video.
Leading up to the event the teacher wanted us to stay after school to help make the boats.
And I being the loyal DOG that I was stayed after school exactly zero times
Sorry dudes, I take the bus home!
and last time I missed the bus my mom got mad at me and I cried
And she had to pick me up
So actually if I was deserted on an island I wouldn't be much help
I would have to get my mom to pick me up.
This event was at a medium-sized, man-made lake in Arizona because
We don't, have real lakes. They're all man-made.
And it was right next to a college and a lot of college kids like to get drunk there
We ended up making two boats:
One was white, and one was blue with a dragon head at the front and the tail in the back
They both could hold 10 people.
There wasn't enough room for everyone in the class to get a spot on the boat,
and the kids who actually helped build it got a reserved seat
But since I was a scrawny white boy that didn't take up much space,
I got to sit in the very front!!
Because they were the coolest and smallest seats
The person who I sat next to was this girl named Priscilla
I still keep in contact with her and I asked if I could say her name in this video and she said yes.
Later in life, she was the first girl to ever...
Later in life, she was the first girl to ever... slap me
I didn't ask permission to tell that story.
While we were waiting for our turn to race, my dad got me a snow cone,
and that snow cone was the very first time I remember getting a brain freeze.
"It hurts to eat this."
"Yeah, they do that."(james way of relating to people)
When it was our turn, we rode the boat out and we actually stayed afloat.
I mean it was only a couple inches away from sinking...
But it worked!! My mom told me beforehand that if the boat sunk,
I should kick off my shoes because that would weigh me down
And I would drown. Thanks for the vote of confidence Mom(!)
And I remember being so afraid of the boat sinking. Not because I could drown, but because I didn't want to lose my shoes! :(
So there were a bunch of eight-year-olds in a glorified
Cardboard box on a lake with three other boxes filled with drunk college students. The course we had to take was pretty simple it only
Had two left turns should have been a piece of cake and we were doing pretty good...
... until we had to make the first left turn.
We messed up on that part... We practiced turning on land all the time!
But for SOME reason when we were in the water our turning maneuver wasn't working we kind of just...
drifted forward. We were pretty much all stranded we didn't know how to drive this thing and we were running out of time since the
Cardboard doesn't last that long when it's wet... But there were these
Lifeguards slash helper people going around in canoes and one person came up to our boat
And he just kind of pushed it with his paddle *pushy pushy*
and he turned the boat and we were back in the race!! Well actually by this point everyone else had already completed the course but
We're still floating. We were still going to finish this! When it came time for the second turn... The same thing happened.
We didn't learn anything; they never taught us this in honors classes.
By this point, the next four people racing just went, they got tired of waiting.
And while the canoe boat guy was trying to teach us how to turn, the other boats just passed us.
Eventually we did get the turning thing down and we made it back to shore!
The boat stayed up the entire time.
Out of the four people we raced against we came in eighth...
I kind of wish something bad did happen
Like the boat flipped over or a shark ate one of the kids! That would have been a better YouTube video...
But that also would have been LYING! And then afterwards the president came down and high-fived all of us.
And to prove I'm not lying
Here's some pictures of me in front of the boat...
... we had to take the dragon head off because it didn't fit with all of us.
But we kept the tail and you'll also notice how cramped the seats are and the girl who later on slaps me?
Here's a boat with a roof!
Here's the picture of the snowcone that gave me my first brainfreeze.
Here's us in the water next to a pretty big boat and look our other white boat is getting blocked off by the bigger boat!
Notice how our boat is going in the wrong direction and how close we are to being submerged... And here's a picture of the grown-ups
Carrying the boat out of the water after a long day, and I'm not in this picture
I wanted to get to land as soon as possible! Here's a picture of me during Halloween
I dressed up as a ninja
I think it was the halloween after the bunny, and there's a plushie of an neopet in the background,
Do you guys remember neopets? All my neopets are probably dead now. Here's a picture of me with a giant pencil
It's actually a model rocket, but it looks like a pencil! Isn't that adorable? Remember my science fair video where I launched Rockets?
Yeah, this wasn't that time...
This is a completely different model rocket and here's me in a tub of animal plushies!
And this bird plushie right here was actually my favorite
I got them from someone else's birthday was in the goodie bag. It was a pirate themed birthday. It was like
You know a little tiny parrot
I really liked that bird his name was birdie, and now he's gone... and here's me dressed up as Galileo.
Yaaaaay a new video is done! Sorry. It's been like a month since my last video
I've been busy with three conventions all back-to-back
But it's good now those are all done! Videos should be coming back on a normal schedule and by normal schedule
I mean twice a month...
It's so weird seeing these old pictures because in my head I
Remember the exact moment when I sat down in the boat and being super
Cramped and having to row with my kneecaps pressed against my chest.
And I remember that snow cone too and just not knowing
Why it hurt to eat it.. And now I'm looking back at these old pictures and being like... *strange sound that I can't comprehend*
I was a different person back then! I can't end this video without mentioning the person who helped make this video come out on time.
And that person this week is GingerPale again. Thanks, man
He helped color and also FootofaFerret helps get some of the sound effects for the intro of the video
Thanks writer. So everyone give them a big old hug and wear your seatbelt!