I love your low prices,
but why did these weddings get canceled?
Returned because of a fight over the prenup.
-Aw... -That one there--
bride's dad made a racist toast.
Cake, will you do me the honor of making my stomach
the happiest bag of acid in the world?
You will?!
Time for a shortcut.
-(tires screeching) -Whoo-hoo!
Dad, the cake!
Dad, our lives!
Fine.
(bleating)
Uh-oh, they've got the right-of-way!
-Morning. -Guten Tag.
(humming)
(tapping)
Who's alone in the vehicle?
-Maggie's locked in! -With the keys!
Maggie!
(screams)
(sighs)
(yawns)
We've got to get her out of there!
Babies aren't supposed to sleep on their stomach in a cake.
-(both gasp) -Maggie!
And these keys are from all my jobs.
At some point, we should try to return these keys
to their rightful owners.
Let's start with a little federal crime.
(laughs)
Oh, thank God!
I can get back the angry letter I wrote to my boss.
I really didn't want that subscription to The Atlantic.
What the...
I tried to do bad and I did good.
Haw-haw.
Keys to the Duff Brewery? Where'd you get those?
Well, it might have been the time when...
Duffman doesn't need Duff to have fun.
-Seriously, you got any beer? -No.
I heard drowning makes you feel like you're drunk.
Or maybe I just found them on the ground.
(whistle blows)
Wow! The guys at the AA meeting will never believe this.
The beechwood ager!
The rat filter!
(rats squeaking)
(gasps)
Really, Duff blimp? You really want me to?
-(laughs) -(laughs) Hey, Homer,
I really had you going there, huh?
Homer?
HOMER: When we see each other again,
you'll be an old man and I'll be a baby!
Oh.
I'll return this to the school.
Hmm. This looks like it's from a windup toy.
Hmm, I hope I haven't stumbled onto my anniversary present.
(cranking)
(phone ringing)
Homer? Oh.
Could you please turn down those blimp engines
and tell me where you are?!
Come back, Pooter Toot!
People might be offended by your mild tastelessness!
Returning this lost key to Principal Skinner.
But that key could open any door in the school.
-Aren't you curious? -Well, maybe a little.
Little Miss Play-It-Safe. Have a nice day.
Just like yesterday and the day before that,
(gasps) Band books!
(gasps) Could this key open...
Get thee behind me, Namuche!
That's the Buddhist Satan.
No problem. Just some cobwebs.
(screams)
(gasps)
I've discovered a mystery wrapped in a riddle
in the basement of a lousy school!
A science room, student lounge, mathnasium.
(gasps) An experimental theater all set
for a production of Samuel Beckett's Endgame.
And this ruler is unmarked,
and the tabs on this pop-up book have no effect.
Mother, it is my birthday, not our anniversary.
Principal Skinner, do you know anything
about a bizarre hidden classroom underneath the school?
Mother, I have work to do.
Lisa, I know every moldy inch of this unaccredited school,
but I have never seen such a thing as you describe.
It's real! I can show you.
Hmm. Is it drinking and driving if you're flying a blimp?
Maybe I can find the answer by texting.
Yo, Lenny,
...driving a blimp while intoxica...
What was that?
(toy farting)
This train is mocking our intestinal distress!
I don't think I've ever felt this irritable.
And now, without further ado,
I give you this.
(gasps) What?!
"One Thousand and One Vulgar Marching Band Formations."
(scoffs)
Lisa, Lisa, go home, relax. Try to do some kid things.
You know, with a ball or something.
Or decorate your sneakers with a Magic-brand marker.
Last place anybody would expect to see a moon-- the sky.
-(chuckles) -(people gasping)
-Ow! -(howling)
MATRONS: Why, we never!
(grunts) I'm alive!
And you're my naked fairy-god-boy.
Aw, geez, I hope no one heard you say that.
Now do us a favor and lower your pants for the picture.
D'oh!
Lisa Simpson may be onto us.
Now-- Oh, my God, there she is. Act natural. Act natural!
Oh. Oh, hello, student.
Um, we were just standing here
discussing how we have no, uh, secrets.
I've got to get back in that room,
but Skinner took away the only key.
Extra! Read all about it!
Lisa's a liar! Pants on fire!
(Lisa groans)
Pull over before somebody gets hurt!
HOMER: So long, suckers!
WIGGUM (on megaphone): Oh! Oh, the Zoomanity!
Hi, my name is Lisa Simpson.
Do you think you could reproduce the key in this photo?
Yeah, but it's gonna cost ya.
now that's gonna cost you another seven cents.
Keep the change.
Yes, ma'am!
How did this bookshelf get here so fast?
I bet it's shoddy.
"The children are on bus 23."
(screams)
(groans) I'm so sick of keys.
They've brought nothing but good luck since I got them.
(grunts)
Brandine, I think we finally gots us something
Y'all want some chocolate milk?
-Yes, Mama. -You got it, Embry-Joe.
Mmm!
Chief Wiggum, stop that train!
(grunting)
Things on the ground are out of my jurisdiction.
Oh, not through my legs.
Oh, that's really rubbin' it in.
Someone who's been here a long, long time.
Yeah, I've been held back more times than I can count.
Which I guess is why I keep getting held back.
You know anything about Bus 23?
There's only one bed that's just right for me,
the bed with the truth in it.
Which is probably the third one.
All right, I'll tell you.
It was a cold winter-- two-vest cold.
A bus was loaded with kids for a field trip.
I was gonna shake 'em down for field trip money,
Sir, this bus is too heavy to cross the ice bridge.
They'll have to take a more circuitous route.
There's no time to be safe! Now bang the side of that bus!
Bang it twice!
So the answer to our mystery
lies on the other side of that ice bridge.
But it's summertime.
The ice bridge will be a water nothing.
That's where the ice bridge would be.
Go down!
(nervous grunting)
(Homer screams)
Dad, stop!
But, oh, there's so many buttons!
(screaming)
Ooh!
(screams)
I'll save you, honey!
Boy, stomp on my head!
Yes! And I've got gum on my shoe!
(grunting)
You're a real jerk!
(panting)
Why you undead little...
That's not a real arm, it's plastic.
Oh, there's nothing I can do to save my sister,
the blimp, or this airship.
(farting)
(rumbling)
(both gasping)
It's all pooted out.
Oh, I'm sorry, Homie.
It's worse than you think.
I have to buy you a new anniversary present!
(gasps) Otto?
Are you the one who left the message on the blackboard?
Yeah, it was me.
I was the bus driver when those sweet young angels
were swallowed up by the river.
Then... I'm not responsible for a horrible tragedy.
And I didn't do anything wrong by fleeing the scene
and not reporting it and killing that hobo with the big mouth.
Years ago, we received a government grant
to improve the school.
Unfortunately, I cashed it,
and the money was in my pants when Mother did the laundry.
CHALMERS: To keep the Feds from coming after us,
we built the phony schoolrooms that you saw.
LISA: So all you had to do was fill the class with mannequins
and take a few pictures.
SKINNER: If we didn't get them back by 5:00,
we'd be charged for the extra day.
CHALMERS: And they didn't prorate.
(tires screeching)
Not to worry. They're just mannequins.
No, we're not!
Uh-oh, they've got the right-of-way!
-Morning. -Guten Tag.
Maggie!
(screams)
(sighs)
(yawns)
We've got to get her out of there!
Babies aren't supposed to sleep on their stomach in a cake.
Last place anybody would expect to see a moon-- the sky.
-(chuckles) -(people gasping)
-Ow! -(howling)
MATRONS: Why, we never!
Y'all want some chocolate milk?
-Yes, Mama. -You got it, Embry-Joe.
Mmm!
(screaming)
Ooh!
I'll save you, honey!
Boy, stomp on my head!
Yes! And I've got gum on my shoe!
(grunting)
You're a real jerk!