(upbeat music)
- [Woman] Hey Psych2Goers, and welcome back.
Thank you so much for your immense love and support,
enabling us to make yet another exploration
into everyday psychology.
So, let's begin, shall we?
Have you ever had a sneaking suspicion
that someone might be trying to get the upper hand?
Do you only hear from that one friend of yours
only when they need something?
Does your supervisor often push you to stay that extra hour?
Perhaps it's even your partner
who insists you buy them
that new makeup kit they've been eyeing?
No matter the relation
being used by someone is downright outrageous.
We here at Psych2Go understand that it's hurtful,
and we want to remind you Psych2Goers of your worth.
It's important to remember
that you're not responsible for the actions of others,
but you are in full control of how you react to them.
So, here are eight signs that someone might be using you.
Number one, they're only there if they need something.
Do you have a classmate or a colleague
who only reaches out to you
when they need help completing an assignment
or for other favors?
If so, you were successfully used by them.
And no, there is no other way to put it.
You might also argue that humans are social animals
and occasionally reaching out for help
isn't always done with malicious intent.
True, but if it's happening more often than not,
it might help to review your argument and their intent.
The flip side to this is that
when you're in the position to help others,
they don't typically reciprocate the same support back.
Two, they don't follow through on promises.
Do they often go back on their own word?
Are they the infamous more talk and less do type?
It can be frustrating to rely on someone
only to have them not follow through with a promise.
These patterns of activity
are very damaging to relationships.
The constant undermining of trust
cements the fact that they see you as someone they can use.
Ouch!
Three, they make you watch what you say.
Do you find it hard to express yourself freely
around someone in particular?
Has it become increasingly difficult
saying no to their request with time.
New York city's life coach Julie Melillo
noted that this is due to the invisible power play position
that we hold in such relationships.
Users send messages that denying their request
might spell doom for you.
Melillo writes, "And this is how they manipulate you."
Using fear as the tool to control
is absolutely not healthy in any relationship.
If you feel like you can't openly speak
your mind around someone, they may have been using you.
Number four, they always assume that you're paying.
Are you the only one to foot the bill when out with them?
Do you do it by choice or has it always been expected so?
Money's impact on relationships is truly a spectrum.
If they're always expecting you
to cover expenses, small and large,
they might be taking advantage of you financially.
Number five, they're only nice when they need to be.
Usually they look right over you, no?
But wait, do they suffer from out of the blue bouts
of clinginess and niceness to you?
It's like you were best of buddies.
How someone reacts around you
can say a lot about their personality.
Don't get us wrong,
it's totally normal to notice fluctuations in behavior
due to mood or circumstances.
But if you can think of someone in your life
who only shoots you a smile when they need something
yet are radio static otherwise,
it might be a sign they're only out to use you.
Number six, your loved ones are worried.
"I told you so."
This is the most dreaded phrase, right?
Friends and family tend to see
past the blinders you have in your relationships.
They notice subtleties
that you don't pick up or dismiss altogether,
entitling themselves to the luxury
of that particular phrase.
If a family member or close friend has pointed out
toxic or controlling behavior
in your relationship with someone else,
then it might be worth delving into further
with your best interests at heart.
And their suggestions can help you see clearly.
Number seven, they never say thank you.
Do you constantly put them first
with little or no gratitude expressed in return?
If you can count on one hand
the number of times they've said thank you,
stop right there.
It's hurtful, and a prime example of being used, period.
Not receiving gratitude after altruistic acts
are not only damaging to relationships
but may even lead to thinking that maybe
your own actions weren't such a big deal after all.
That they were expected.
This can only lead you
further down the dark road of manipulation.
And number eight, you begin to dislike them.
To like or not to like?
How many times have you faced this predicament?
Did someone in particular come to mind?
This is completely normal.
As it helps us mold our lives
into one that is healthy and ideal for us.
But if you begin to feel resentment
when you think about that certain someone,
it's likely not for no reason.
Dr. Kim Chronister, Psy.D. said that resentment
is often accompanied in one sided relationships.
Relationships are a two way street
and similar care should be given
to stop resentment from manifesting.
We are here to remind our community
that everyone has the right
to be treated with respect and love.
Nobody deserves to feel used or taken advantage of.
If the signs remind you
of someone's behavior towards you, fret not.
Reviewing your relationship
and confiding in your near dear ones
might be a good place to start.
Do any of these signs describe someone you know?
Let us know in the comments below.
If you found this video insightful
be sure to hit the like and subscribe button
and share it with unsuspecting friends
to help free them from the talons of being used.
Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time.