[Applause]
crazy rich Asians whoo right hands up if
you've seen the film okay
okay what are you all waiting for it's
available on iTunes and all that if you
haven't seen the film the story is
essentially about the differences in the
values and expectations between Western
and Asian culture and the film is
actually based on a book now a chapter
that really stands out to me in the book
is when the protagonist best friend goes
to get the tea or the hottest gossip on
her boyfriend's seek relief faller
family now while the metaphorical tea is
being poured the book goes into really
deep detail but the many steps it takes
to pour the literal tea if you're doing
it the traditional way that is but I'm
going to boil it down into three simple
steps for you step 1 prepare choose your
flavor boil your water get your cups
pretty self-explanatory right step to
awaken what does that even mean so I
didn't know this until I read the book
but this is the process of taking your
hot water pouring it over the leaves
rinsing that pouring it out before you
actually pour in the water that you're
actually going to drink to make the tea
now this is done to awaken the leaves to
reveal their full aroma in step 3
finally you enjoy rinse and repeat tea
as you know is traditionally served hot
but what do you do when your tea goes
cold do you drink it as is do you add
hot water or do you pour it out and brew
something new similarly when you're out
of crossroads in life do you continue
just doing the same thing waiting hoping
and wishing that a path will eventually
become clear or do you take matters into
your own hands and pivot I'm gonna share
with you a time in my life when I
decided to pour my tea and steep
something new
but before I can tell you my story I
have a bit of a confession I'm a
millennial you know the generation that
ruins everything that's right that's
that's us from humble bragging about
making a home-cooked meal because
hashtag adulting to using weird words
like seeing FOMO Yolo and describing
things as it's lit I didn't come up with
that one foot and I've never used it
until this like just this moment I swear
to you we even found a way to glorify
working ridiculously long hours to the
point of burnout hands up if you've been
there now the burnout thing is really
interesting to me because well why you
know why do we push ourselves so hard
well you know it's not gonna be news to
you but I'm gonna call it out anyway
there is a complex set of expectations
that we put on ourselves and on others
to have something to achieve something
by a certain stage in life like by the
time between 30 for example know some of
these expectations may include you know
going to school getting a good job
working your way up in that job to pay
for your expensive gym membership maybe
buy a place start a family eat a lot of
avocado toast all the flex for your 400
followers on Instagram these
expectations are based on values now
values are your guiding principles they
are what help you make decisions
prioritize they help you shape your end
understanding of what's right and what's
wrong now for the longest time I thought
that my values were security and
perfection or at least as close as I
could get to it because if you do things
perfectly no one can say you don't
belong now I was born here but my
grandparents weren't and growing up
every weekend we go to dim sum with them
if you've ever been a dim sum you know
that it's your job to order the tea
every single time for us it was always
the same thing
13 or jasmine tea now is jasmine tea
Macey
mmm not particularly but you always
order the tea that you know your parents
were like your grandparents will like
and everyone drinks from the same teapot
it's a collective experience now this is
different than in let's say Western
culture where you get to be an
individual and my generation have
popularized Kona coffee shops in taking
a good 30 seconds to order our hyper
customized drinks mine for example is a
tall green tea latte with soy no foam
and half sweet please what the
expectation in Asian culture is that you
do what's best for the family the
collective whether that be making
choices about tea a dim sum or in life
like choosing a safe career path
pop quiz who can shout out a safe career
path I heard a doctor a lawyer one more
whoa okay that was a lot okay an
engineer I have to admit I can't see you
all out there but are y'all sure
something because congratulations
congratulations you just named some of
the only acceptable career paths for
Asians
I call them career expectations T as we
already established is usually served
hot and to me that represents playing it
safe because safe means you can't fail
right because failure would bring
heartache and shame and worry it's your
family that's worked so hard for
generations to build a life for you here
in Canada the immigrant family guilt is
real y'all it's true mm-hmm
there's a men's shame in failure in
Asian culture whereas Western society
it's for the most part accepted expected
and sometimes even celebrated so how do
you mitigate the risk of failure well
naturally you do what you're supposed to
do right you try to do things perfectly
but I learned the hard way that even if
you do things perfectly that can
actually lead you to failure here's the
story in 2016 my life seemed pretty good
I was working in marketing and a
leadership role at a cool tech company
and to be honest I was living that
avocado toast life and well a few months
into the job my direct report left and
that left me holding the bag
a bag filled with stuff that I wasn't
really good at and didn't particularly
enjoy and more and more often my boss
would actually give you negative
feedback on the quality of my work this
had never happened to me before and so I
kind of freaked out so I thought that
okay maybe if I just like work more I
could get back up to that track of
perfection I would work 10-hour days
five days a week and even though I was
physically there I wasn't mentally there
on a three day trip to Chicago I was
running on fumes like literally I would
probably had like eight hours of sleep
in total over three days and when I
finally got a chance to sit down I got a
message from this girl I went to high
school with it was a picture
of a letter that I'd written to myself
in grade 12 it had read I want so much
out of life and I know how to get it the
hard work doesn't scare me not
succeeding does see at that time in my
life I had these big dreams of becoming
a TV personality one day and having my
own talk show but I chose marketing as
my path because well you can probably
guess because it was safe now reading
this letter to myself after working
nearly a decade in marketing made me
realize that I still wanted the same
thing yet I hadn't done anything about
it and more than that I realized that
these values of security and perfection
they weren't actually my values they
were a reflection of my fear my deeply
rooted fear of failure I didn't actually
know what my real values were it was an
awakening I had let the tea steep for
too long without having rinsed the
leaves
I had to probe my tea and Steve
something new now upon this realization
I decided to go on a mission to figure
out what my real values were and in my
research I came across three ways how
you can identify what your values are
and I'm going to share them with you
firstly you can take a look at your peak
experiences in life now these are the
times where you felt the most fulfilled
the most accomplished the most proud for
me a pattern that arose was it was
always when connecting connecting you
can also take a look at your code of
conduct what are the things that you
absolutely have to do in your life or
else a part of you will die you know for
some people it might be you know Fitness
meditation or spending time with family
for me it was always about being
creative creativity think about the
times you felt the most upset
and then turn that around and think
about why what values were being
suppressed these are your suppressed
values for me in that job I felt like I
wasn't really being myself and I was
trying to be someone that I wasn't so I
realized that my third value was
authenticity once I discovered my values
I sought to create these things in my
life I did fun video projects and I
scored a sweet internship producing and
hosting for a TV station and eventually
I got paid for it - I was legit and I
was hashtag living my best life
well after work that is because I was
still working that marketing job you
know where I wasn't progressing wasn't
improving definitely was not doing
things perfectly two weeks before my
29th birthday I got fired I lost my job
I lost my job because it wasn't
performing I wasn't performing because I
was depressed I was depressed because I
wasn't living in line with my values to
my surprise my immediate reaction was
gratitude gratitude for no longer having
to live a lie and gratitude for the
opportunity to start fresh
now I very well could have gone to find
another marketing job but I knew that
that wouldn't make me happy and I was
determined to make sure that the next
thing I did would be in line with my
values that are now so clear to me so I
took some time to explore that teenage
dream of mine and during my time of fun
employment as I called it I continued to
work for that TV station and I found
myself covering the Vancouver Asian Film
Festival and for the first time I saw
myself on screen like not literally on
screen but I saw faces of people who
looked like me whose experiences were
similar to mine and somehow without
words at all
I knew exactly what these characters
were thinking and feeling and why they
did what they did I was deeply connected
to their stories and I thought that okay
well maybe my story was worth telling so
that people could feel connected to
themselves as well so I did a bit of a
pilot and I wrote a blog post I wrote a
blog post about how I lost my job
discovered my values and tried to build
a life more in line with my values and
not just the expectations I allowed
myself to be influenced by and through
that experience I learned that failure
was not shameful if it leads you to
learning and growing and I got an
outpour of support for sharing my story
people telling me that they too had gone
through the same thing or that in
reading my story but they learned
something about themselves and about
others so then I took it a step further
and not knowing that I wasn't the only
one that had a story to tell I invited
my friends to tell their stories as well
and the same thing happened words of
support and encouragement together our
stories would create cold tea collective
a media company and community for bi and
about Asian Millennials sharing our
experiences of how we navigate our
identity growing up in Western society a
cultural mosaic and more than that you
were giving something back to our fellow
Asian Millennials giving them something
to connect with to feel seen heard and
understood over the last two years we've
shared over a hundred stories of people
just like me and maybe even just like
you of how we're living between cultures
in between our collective and our
individual hopes dreams and fears
including the cast of crazy rich Asians
and more growing up between cultures
constantly begs you to choose between a
set of values expectations and behavior
and then the simple question of which
tea to drink a dim sum reveals the
deeper struggle of
but the beauty of being Canadian is that
you don't have to choose a side you can
choose to live in the in-between and
that the only expectations you should
live by are to live in line with your
values I'm gonna leave you with one
final thing and no it's not how to live
the perfect life because clearly I'm
still working on that
but what I will leave you with is just a
very simple guide as to how you can live
life more in line with her values and
it's the same as pouring tea prepare by
arming yourself with skills knowledge
and experience awaken yourself to
infinite possibilities and let's really
important to you and lastly enjoy rinse
and repeat
thank you
you