- Why don't mummies have friends?
- Because they're wrapped up in themselves.
- Oh, correct.
- Oh, I'm not even happy to be right.
(laughter)
Welcome to the First Thing that Occurred to Me Theater.
- Okay, here we go.
Willa, let's do it.
- Who does Dracula get letters from?
- You get letters from a pen pal and somebody that pen pal.
- What?
- A pen pal is like someone who writes you letters,
but isn't - Oh!
- Yeah? And you write the letters back, a pen pal.
I have, oh gosh, I'm doing so bad.
He gets letters from,
I don't know.
What is the answer?
- His fang club.
- His fang club!
Nice.
- What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
- Bone Marrow.
- No.
- Skin- chicken thighs.
- No.
- Was he at a rib place? - Close, close, close, close.
- The rack of ribs?
- No
- The half?
Oh, spare ribs?
- Correct!
- Okay. I guarantee I'm going to get this.
I bet you a million dollars I got it.
- What do ghost enjoy eating for supper?
- Ghosts love to eat something with boo.
Boo... Boo-na fish sandwiches.
- Nope. Spoo-tekkie.
- Spoo-ghetti,
like spaghetti, but spoo-ghetti.
Is that a good joke, do you think?
- Yes
- Let's do it one more time.
- What do ghost enjoy eating for supper?
- I know, spoo-ghetti.
- Yeah.
- Nailed it.
- What do ghouls like to ride at the amusement park?
- The scary-go-round.
- Oh, wow. You actually got it right.
- That's right? - Uh-huh.
- What kind of streets do zombies live on?
- Dead-ends. - Dead-ends.
- These are barely jokes.
(laughter)
- When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
- It's bad luck? I have no idea.
Badly on...
right meow.
- No.
- No?
- When you are a mouse.
- When you are a mouse!
Yes. That makes sense.
That's less of a joke and more of a fact,
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Irish.
- I refuse to do this joke.
Irish who?
Irish you had a happy Halloween.
Aw, it turned out nice.
It sounded racist, and then it became fun.
- Where do you ghost typically buy their food?
- At a spook-er market.
- At a ghost-ery story.
- Oh, but come on. Mine was pretty good.
Spook-er market.
Did you think that was good or?
- Okay.
Yeah. Well did you like their answer better?
- Yeah. - Yeah. Okay, great.
- Why didn't the skeleton want any Halloween candy?
- Because he's bone - Nope.
- Because he's on an eye-et
- I mean a diet would actually make sense.
Die-et.
Oh, yeah because he's on a die-et.
- Although that's not it which is stupid.
It's because he didn't have something.
- Because he didn't have even have the stomach for it.
- Correct.
- I wish I was in the room when this book was being written.
- Why was the mummy so tense?
- Okay. Something about wrapping probably.
Mummies with wrap.
Something about, oh,
he's sarcopha-
stressed out?
That's not right.
Because he couldn't wrap his mind
around global warming.
- He was wound too tight.
Okay. It was close with the wrapping.
- Kind of. - Kind of.
Do you understand that joke?
- No. Don't they just turn into a mummy?
- I think like in horror movies they do,
but you have to like make mummies in real life.
You like take a dead body,
and you wrap it up in a bunch of stuff.
That's a nightmare I just gave you.
- Yep.
- Yeah. Pretty good, right?
- Yep.
- Yup. Okay.